The Deadbeat Club

Teenage Dream

2012-01-25T22:36:00.000-08:00

In Katy Perry's Manila concert, Raft3r was surrounded by numerous prepubescent girls and several gay men.

I felt so outnumbered. But it was so much fun!

Straight Outta Hell's Kitchen

2012-01-22T19:57:00.000-08:00

Is having an ugly baby a curse?

I'm afraid mine would be one just because I like to ridicule others.

I Am Number Four

2012-01-19T00:07:00.000-08:00

The Deadbeat Club is now on its fourth year!

The following are just some of the memorable lines in the past 365 days:

I really just don't care.

(Call Me Irresponsible)

My Sony Bravia is such a thing of beauty I could practically marry the bitch.

(Technology Is A Dead Bird)

How dumb am I that I can be duped by my own flesh and blood?

(Idiot)

McDonald's tastes good anywhere in the world.

(Universally Speaking)

A beautiful and expensive wedding does not make a happy marriage last

forever.

(An Ideal Husband)

T-Bag has nothing on Lots-O'-Huggin' Bear.

(Even Better Than The Real Thing)

For a change, I did something good for myself.

(Cool Change)

As God as my witness, I will never fly budget again.

(Lost And Found)

Love is spelled J-a-n-e-t.

(Come On Get Up)

Nothing like a bevy of beauties with dark underarms to ruin an otherwise

perfect vacation in paradise.

(Another Day In Paradise)

Cursing is a good stress reliever.

(Deeper Underground)

Don't take me too seriously. I don't.

(...But Seriously)

Though walking is a good form of exercise, it also works out one's appetite.

(These Boots Were Made For Walkin')

The one thing I detest most in the world is a coward.

(Death And All His Friends)

Smile. Life is awesome.

(Finally Made Me Happy)

Why are most dogs cuter than their human owners?

(Who Let The Dogs Out)

Only in Mali Bay will you find unscrupulous people who would be interested in a half breed and sell it for a profit.

(Taken)

Whenever I run into a 70 year old man holding hands and being affectionate with a 20 year old chick, I see love.

(It Must Have Been Love)

I believe a lot of people are suckers for love.

(Affirmation)

I just don't have the heart to summon someone to take my order and bring me my drink when the waiter is way shorter than my 7 year old niece.

(All The Small Things)

Raft3r's two favorite words: "Malapit nako. (I'm coming.)"

(Come Back To Bed)

I live a very sad life these days.

(I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got)

Am I really that butt ugly in person?
(Right Track Wrong Train)

Not every Filipino likes Charice.
(Learning The Hard Way)

For more than two years, I have gone commando.
(Revelations)

But can there be love without sex?
(Sex And Candy)

Kung gigising ako ng ganon kaaga, dapat ako ang bayaran nila.
(Run This Town)

I don't care much for most humans. But I love all dogs.
(All Dogs Go To Heaven)

You are delusional if you think you can change me.

(Born This Way)

A 35 year old man being accompanied by his mother to a doctor's appointment is just plain embarrassing.

(Made For TV Movie)

Besides, death extinguishes debt.

(I'm Ready)

Now that you found an escape goat in everyone's favorite bitch, may we know what your next move is?

(Dear Mr. President)

A man in red underwear is a sight for sore eyes.

(Temptation Island)

Happiness does not normally equate to righteousness.
(If It Makes You Happy)

Watching a 60 year old lady eat a hotdog on a stick and seeing her lick it is just plain disgusting.

(Lick It)

How do you politely tell the proud parents that their child looks like a monkey?

(Break It To Me Gently)

I miss smashing your face.

(Beware! Criminal)

Can I just ask out your officemate on a date to lessen her worries?

(Help Is On The Way)

When a man, who you hardly know and is not even your friend, sends you text messages about his whereabouts and even tells you that he is on his way home, what does that mean?

(Clueless)

Mistakes are there for a reason. But I don't think they are made so you can become the butt of all jokes.

(How It Feels)

Instead of idolizing panty-less celebrities, cocaine sniffing socialites, and an ungrateful starlet, our youth should emulate Janela Lelis of Malinao, Albay.

(Praise You)

You don't need a partner to be complete.

(Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own)

How does it feel to have someone who you can't live without?

(If I Ain't Got You)

My childhood musical hero was Milli Vanilli.

(Blame It On The Rain)

I will never run after an ex.

(Never Again)

When does love turn into an obligation?

(What's Love Got To Do With It)

The scariest film of all time is Titanic.

(Halloween)

Raft3r is now - officially - a commuter. This means the stress level is twice as high and the urge to hurt or (let alone) kill someone has almost become uncontrollable.

(Danger Zone)

I don't like being tagged in Facebook.

(I Don't Want To Live On The Moon)

Bakit hindi ba ako magbabayad! (Am I not a paying customer!)

(Mr. Brightside)

Tongue or no tongue?

(Politics Of Kissing)

Like any other merchandise from the Lopez Empire, No Other Woman is nothing else but pure hype.

(All That Glitters Isn't Gold)

Why are relationships so full of drama? Why can't we just have fun?

(Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall)

So the next time you open your ignorant American piehole, get your facts straight.

(The American)

No one disrespects Raft3r and gets away with it.

(I Wanna Be A Supermodel)

I dunno anyone who goes to a buffet just for the salad.

(Cater 2 U)

Gloria's present predicament - by far - has more twists and turns than your usual telenovela.

(Crazy Bitch)

Man hating won't get you anywhere.

(How Stella Got Her Groove Back)

I will be a better man for you.

(Tomorrow I Will Be Yours)

Raft3r has been 80% nice and only 20% naughty this year.

(So This Is Christmas)

Unlike most of Raft3r's dates, Siri always delivers and never disappoints.

(You And I Both)

If she ever decides to do porn, now that is classy.

(Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen)

I am the guy who will marry for all the wrong reasons.

(Will You Marry Me)

In a split second, relationships can turn tragic. That is why I choose to remain single.

(Troublemaker)

Time is a bitch. You can never have it back.

(SexyBack)

Indeed, recession has finally hit home.

(All Falls Down)

If Unkabogable Praybeyt Benjamin (so they say) is the highest grossing local film of all time, what does that say about the Filipino movie-going audience?

(Say What?!)

Don't recycle. Never date the same person twice.

(Single Me Out)

Post script: Click here for last year's quotes.

Something To Talk About

2012-01-15T08:15:00.000-08:00

It's nice to pretend.

Most of the time.

All Falls Down

2012-01-12T19:46:00.000-08:00

It's January and no travel plans have been made.

Nothing has been set in stone.

This is alarming. Since by this time, my family should be in Hong Kong. We always celebrate my niece's birthday there. Always.

In 2011, Raft3r traveled like a mad man. Sadly, that won't be the case for this year.

Armed with a limited budget, 2012 will be very boring.

Besides a winter trip to Colorado, I have nothing else.

Indeed, recession has finally hit home.

Say What?!

2012-01-10T14:07:00.000-08:00

If Unkabogable Praybeyt Benjamin (so they say) is the highest grossing local film of all time, what does that say about the Filipino movie-going audience?

Hit Me On Twitter

2012-01-08T08:11:00.000-08:00

To tweet or not to tweet?

That is the question.

With the impending end of The Deadbeat Club, Raft3r is looking for an alternative way to keep his online existence afloat.

I opened a Twitter account awhile back just to follow Janet. But I have never gone around to using it.

A lot of friends have commented that my one-liners would fit in nicely with Twitter.

Still, I am undecided.

I have one valid concern.

I'm afraid people will not follow me.

Single Me Out

2012-01-04T17:21:00.000-08:00

Single life is anything but boring.

Let me count the ways:

1. Don't recycle. Never date the same person twice.

2. You are in control. No one can tell you what you can and cannot do.

3. Enjoy a drama free existence.

4. You have full financial freedom. (Walang entrega.)

5. If you screw everything up, the single life is not for you. Marry right away.

Three Wishes

2012-01-01T20:11:00.000-08:00

Three things to accomplish in 2012:

1. New job

2. New car

3. New Apple toys to play with.

Before The Worst

2011-12-30T07:45:00.000-08:00

Things I am grateful for in 2011:

1. Amazon

2. Siri

3. Blogging

4. Janet in Manila

5. 30 minute lunch break

6. Online games
(Pucca Restaurant and Scrabble kept me sane.)

7. Cheap airfares

8. 18 non-working holidays
(Could have been more if P-Noy wasn't elected President)

9. Gloria's arrest

10. KFC

11. Insidious (Funniest movie of the year).

Tomorrow I Will Be Yours

2011-12-27T17:14:00.000-08:00

I will be a better man for you.

One day.

But for now, you just have to wait.

So This Is Christmas

2011-12-24T20:01:00.001-08:00

(Clearly) Raft3r has been 80% nice and only 20% naughty this year.

Thanks for all the cool presents, Santa!

What was under your tree?

The Nightmare Before Christmas

2011-12-22T07:31:00.000-08:00

If buying presents for 26 god kids ain't stressful enough, managing your limited budget will send you over the edge.

This is probably why Christmas is only once a year.

Happy Holidays from The Deadbeat Club!

You And I Both

2011-12-18T21:08:00.000-08:00

Unlike most of Raft3r's dates, Siri always delivers and never disappoints.

She will remain to be my favorite gadget up until the iPhone 5 comes along.

Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen

2011-12-14T20:46:00.000-08:00

Lindsay Lohan and Playboy.

The starlet describes her pictorial as classy.

Classy? Really?

It's Lindsay Lohan for crying out loud.

If she ever decides to do porn, now that is classy.

Will You Marry Me

2011-12-11T06:54:00.000-08:00

I am the guy who will marry for all the wrong reasons.

Any takers?

Troublemaker

2011-12-07T20:43:00.000-08:00

Piolo-KC. Rhian Ramos-Mo Twister.

In a split second, relationships can turn tragic.

That is why I choose to remain single.

SexyBack

2011-12-03T20:57:00.000-08:00

Just like wifey, my love affair with food is legendary.

I eat anything deep fried and greasy - just the way I like 'em.

Raft3r has always been lean.

But when I hit 30, the curves started to show and there were no stopping them.

(Before) I would just go to the gym or hit some tennis balls and the extra pounds would come off.

(Now) no amount of exercise could restore my previous glory.

Time is a bitch.

You can never have it back.

Isn't It A Wonder

2011-12-01T04:27:00.001-08:00

...How someone's smile can brighten up your day?

I Wanna Be A Supermodel

2011-11-28T23:13:00.000-08:00

October 28, 2011
8pm
Mall of Asia

A strange man approached Raft3r.

Strange man: "Excuse me. Would you like to do a VTR?"

Raft3r: "Huh?"

He handed me his card.

Strange man: "You got potential."

I smiled politely.

Strange man: "But you need to lose some weight and start working out."

I returned his biz card and walked away.

No one disrespects Raft3r and gets away with it.

Cater 2 U

2011-11-27T16:08:00.000-08:00

I dunno anyone who goes to a buffet just for the salad.

Do you?

Still

2011-11-24T04:50:00.000-08:00

It's been over 14 years since I've taken the LRT (Light Rail Transit).

Not much has changed since the last time I've set foot at their EDSA station:

- It is still overcrowded.

- Commuters still shove each other to get ahead.

- Some still have awful body odor.

- Though it is the fastest mode of public transport in the country, the LRT is still miles apart from its Southeast Asian counterparts.

Survivor

2011-11-21T06:02:00.000-08:00

Reasons to watch Survivor Philippines:

- the scenic San Vicente, Palawan

- real life drama

- one big human experiment

- a better alternative to soap operas

- Ellen Adarna

Reasons not to watch Survivor Philippines:

- Geneva Cruz

Crazy Bitch

2011-11-18T21:20:00.000-08:00

She's back!

Armed with photos showcasing her current medical condition and two (so far) failed attempts to flee the country, GMA is again grabbing headlines.

Being a flight risk and all, the former President's hope of going overseas for medical treatment has now become a national debate.

Like any typical Filipino, parties involved have resorted to name calling. In fact, GMA's camp tagged P-Noy as a spoiled brat.

Gloria's present predicament - by far - has more twists and turns than your usual telenovela.

TRO. Motion for Reconsideration. Arrest warrant.

No one really knows what would happen next.

But one thing is certain.

Although strapped in a wheelchair, Gloria would not take this sitting down.

I Know What You Want

2011-11-14T22:51:00.000-08:00

I want to learn how to play the guitar.

I want a new car.

I want all kids to be properly educated.

I want to be reincarnated as a blonde and blue eyed heartthrob.

I want you to leave me alone.

Where Is The Love?

2011-11-11T19:11:00.000-08:00

Why are most Pinoys so demonstrative in showing their gratitude towards foreigners but not to their fellow countrymen?

How Stella Got Her Groove Back

2011-11-07T19:45:00.000-08:00

A gentleman's advice to women who were wronged by their ex/es:

1. Never think it's all your fault. It never is.

2. Don't turn into a bitch. Man hating won't get you anywhere.

3. Never lose sleep over a heartbreak. We don't.

4. Don't over analyze. When we say "It's not you. It's me," we really mean it.

5. Get out more. The right man or woman would come along shortly.

Party All The Time

2011-11-05T06:47:00.000-07:00

Raft3r watched two concerts in one week.

The Black Eyed Peas partied at The Mall of Asia on October 25.

I enjoy pop shows. They come with dazzling lights, numerous costume changes, extravagant stage design.

will.i.am and crew did not disappoint. They sang most of their hits (My Humps, included).

Fergie's ass just won't quit. Raft3r would pay good money just to see her wiggle it.

A stripped down Jason Mraz performed at Smart Araneta on the 30th.

I was surprised to see a huge crowd. Who knew he has a solid fan base in the Philippines.

Oh by the way, Raft3r accidentally caught the live performance of Anne Curtis in Megamall.

Her rendition of the Heart classic Alone was truly hair raising.

I leave it up to you to discern whether the previous statement is a compliment or not.

The Ego Has Landed

2011-11-01T22:34:00.000-07:00

On the last day of a long weekend, my nieces and I decided to stay at a hotel near work.

Raft3r: "Let's go!"

Niece 1: "But you have to take a shower first."

Raft3r: "I did."

Niece 2: "Then why are you dressed that way?"

This goes to show how highly people in my family think of me.

Post script: The Deadbeat Club's 500th post has arrived.

Halloween

2011-10-29T19:33:00.000-07:00

The scariest film of all time is Titanic.

Danger Zone

2011-10-27T17:07:00.000-07:00

Raft3r is now - officially - a commuter.

This means the stress level is twice as high and the urge to hurt or (let alone) kill someone has almost become uncontrollable.

I Don't Want To Live On The Moon

2011-10-23T22:00:00.000-07:00

I don't like people who spit in public.

I don't like unruly drivers.

I don't like being told I'm fat.

I don't like bullies.

I don't like receiving mugs as Christmas gifts.

I don't like policemen.

I don't like donuts.

I don't like being tagged in Facebook.

But I do like girls who swallow.

Mr. Brightside

2011-10-19T23:30:00.000-07:00

Raft3r has lost his cool.

Scenario 1

Mall of Asia. Shakey's.

Despite being right in front of her, the cashier continued to ignore me for more than 10 minutes.

Sensing my agitation she finally looked at me and said, "Sandali lang, ha. (You should wait.)"

Since she already had my credit card, I snapped it out of her hand and stormed out.

Scenario 2

Mall of Asia. Pizza Hut. Same day.

I ordered food to go.

Waitress took my plastic and asked me to take a seat at the waiting area near the exit.

Since there was an empty table next to her, I asked: "Can I wait here instead?"

Waitress: "That's only for paying customers."

Raft3r: "Bakit hindi ba ako magbabayad! (Am I not a paying customer!)"

I snatched my card from her and walked out.

Waitress ran after me to apologize. I completely ignored her.

Sorry, fellas. No more Mr. Nice Guy.

Politics Of Kissing

2011-10-17T07:07:00.000-07:00

Tongue or no tongue?

All That Glitters Isn't Gold

2011-10-15T00:11:00.000-07:00

Filipinos' love affair with the overly dramatic is beyond me.

No wonder the latest Anne Curtis starrer is a goldmine at the box office.

Every imaginable cliche is present in this very predictable movie. To wit: catfight, car accident, male butt crack exposure, over the top confrontation with cheating husband, sex on the beach, witty repartee, marital advice from mom.

Like any other merchandise from the Lopez Empire, No Other Woman is nothing else but pure hype.

You're The First, The Last, My Everything

2011-10-11T23:55:00.000-07:00

My first crush was Cyndi Lauper.
My last crush was Nina Dobrev.

My first movie date was Beauty and the Beast.
My last movie date was Zombadings 1: Patayin sa Syokot si Remington.

My first CD was janet. by wifey.
My last CD purchase was If Not Now, When? by Incubus.

My first DVD was Risky Business.
My last DVD purchase was Supernatural Season 6.

My first Blu-ray was Alice in Wonderland.
My last Blu-ray purchase was Captain America.

My first gadget was the Sony Walkman.
My last gadget purchase was the MacBook Air.

My first concert was Cyndi Lauper.
My last concert attended was Incubus.

My first travel was in Chicago.
My last travel was in Macau.

My first sexual encounter was at age 12.
My last sexual encounter was - well, I'm not gonna incriminate myself.

The Deadbeat Club's first blog post was As I Am.
The Deadbeat Club's last post will be on January 19, 2013.

Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall

2011-10-08T06:10:00.000-07:00

Why are relationships so full of drama? Why can't we just have fun? Why.

I'll Be There For You

2011-10-04T06:30:00.000-07:00

Last night's dream was incredible.

I was hanging out at Central Perk with Phoebe and Monica, two of my most favorite Friends' characters.

What made the dream more fun was that I was Joey!

The similarities between Joey and Raft3r are endless. For one, we are both brilliant actors.

How you doin'?

The American

2011-10-01T03:10:00.000-07:00

While wading through waist deep flood water brought about by Typhoon Pedring, the American next to me repeatedly kept saying, "Only in the Philippines. Only in the Philippines."

Mr. American, flooding is not entirely unique to the Philippines.

Consider the following:

1. The Great Flood of 1993

2. Johnstown, Pennsylvania

3. Mississippi

4. April 2011

5. Spring flooding.

So the next time you open your ignorant American piehole, get your facts straight.

Afternoon Delight

2011-09-28T02:46:00.000-07:00

I recently did reception duty at work.

I attended to an elderly couple.

Elderly man: "What is your name, son?"

Raft3r: "I am Raft3r, sir."

Elderly woman: "Are you married, Raft3r?"

Raft3r: "No, ma'am."

Elderly woman: "Ang gwapo mo kasi. Parang artista. (You're so good looking you could pass for a celebrity.)"

The lovely couple just made my day.

Love Hurts

2011-09-23T00:08:00.000-07:00

What is the world coming to?

A 13 year old boy killed his 16 year old gay lover. The shooter later committed suicide.

Apparently, the 13 year old kid is the youngest sugar daddy in history. His folks found several remittance slips issued by their son to the 16 year old.

A husband was shot to death by his wife because of his philandering ways.

Both shooting incidents happened in a mall.

I guess it's true what they say. Love does hurt.

Everything You Want

2011-09-19T21:00:00.000-07:00

14 boxes.
29 items.
30 days.

That's 14 boxes filled with 29 blu-ray discs all bought in a span of 30 days.

I blame Amazon and its ridiculously stupid low prices on my beloved objects of desire.

Christmas has arrived early!

You Must Love Me

2011-09-17T18:01:00.000-07:00

How desperate can you get?

If I Ain't Got You

2011-09-15T17:14:00.000-07:00

How does it feel to have someone who you can't live without?

Down The Drain

2011-09-11T19:41:00.000-07:00

You know your co-workers are pigs when you receive an email from the ever friendly Maintenance and Facility Manager with the subject heading - Improper Toilet Use.

Apparently, our men's toilet was clogged when someone allegedly shoved in two pieces of uneaten fried chicken.

Who in their right mind would do such a thing?

Wasting good food is always a no-no. Oh, and so is serious lack of toilet etiquette.

Blame It On The Rain

2011-09-08T21:47:00.000-07:00

My childhood musical hero was Milli Vanilli.

What does that say about me?

Never Again

2011-09-06T03:38:00.000-07:00

I have never tasted shawarma.

I never found Bea Alonzo appealing.

I have never played in the snow.

I never liked sushi or any raw food, for that matter.

I never enjoyed drinking coffee or tea.

I never turn down a blind date.

I will never run after an ex.

Post script: This serves as a sequel to Never Say Never.

What's Love Got To Do With It

2011-09-03T02:20:00.000-07:00

When does love turn into an obligation?

Moves Like Jagger

2011-09-01T02:20:00.000-07:00

I can't dance.

Never mind that YouTube video of Raft3r dancing along to High School Musical.

Zac Efron has every reason to feel threatened.

Despite convincing evidence to the contrary, Raft3r has two left feet. Really.

Post script: This post is intended for every work colleague who would (even dare) ask if I am interested in joining our upcoming Christmas party presentation. N-O!

Break It To Me Gently

2011-08-27T22:22:00.000-07:00

How do you politely tell the proud parents that their child looks like a monkey?

Beware! Criminal

2011-08-24T23:58:00.000-07:00

The Deadbeat Club has a lurker.

The son of a gun only visits one particular post.

Quite interesting, isn't it?

If you are who I think you are, I want to tell you something.

I miss smashing your face.

Leave me a message. Let's meet up. Soon.

Post script: Pssst. I know where you live.

Crazy For You

2011-08-22T21:58:00.000-07:00

My friend in the office and I are obsessed with Kentucky Fried Chicken.

For the past two weeks, all we had for lunch was their lip smackingly good and stroke inducing poultry products.

Although I gave up rice last April and lost a few inches off my waist, my recent food odyssey would guarantee the return of the gut.

Thank you, Colonel Sanders. It was all worth it.

Help Is On The Way

2011-08-20T22:22:00.000-07:00

Just how insensitive can Raft3r get?

Continue reading to find out.

A friend called asking for a favor.

Friend: "You interested in donating blood? My officemate's father needs a blood transfusion."

Raft3r: "Can I just ask out your officemate on a date to lessen her worries?"

My friend immediately hung up the phone.

Clueless

2011-08-17T23:34:00.000-07:00

When a man, who you hardly know and is not even your friend, sends you text messages about his whereabouts and even tells you that he is on his way home, what does that mean?

Keep On Walkin'

2011-08-14T23:17:00.000-07:00

At least three people have commented on how Raft3r walks.

One said I walk like a penguin.

The other alleged that I limp when I walk.

Third one claimed I walk like Feng Shui's Lotus Feet.

Damn! And I thought I had the perfect catwalk for a male supermodel.

How It Feels

2011-08-09T06:29:00.000-07:00

We all make mistakes. We are humans, after all.

If you are a regular reader of The Deadbeat Club, you know (for a fact) that Raft3r continues to live a life of trial and error.

Now, imagine your biggest blunder being aired on national television for everyone's entertainment.

You turn into an instant celebrity. A hate page on Facebook is created in your honor. You become the target of ridicule.

Mistakes are there for a reason.

But I don't think they are made so you can become the butt of all jokes.

Praise You

2011-08-05T08:42:00.000-07:00

Instead of idolizing panty-less celebrities, cocaine sniffing socialites, and an ungrateful starlet, our youth should emulate Janela Lelis of Malinao, Albay.

What she did was a selfless act, as opposed to someone who recently resigned due to an impending ouster from the Senate.

This 12 year old girl is incredible. She makes me even prouder to be a Filipino.

Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own

2011-08-03T04:22:00.000-07:00

But most of the time you can.

You don't need a partner to be complete.

Friends and lovers are mere accessories in the game of life.

In The Company Of Wolves

2011-08-01T00:01:00.000-07:00

Overheard from the recent Incubus' concert:

"Maghuhubad yan. (He's gonna disrobe.)"

"Brandon, take your shirt off!."

"I love you, Brandon!"

These were actual statements made by men.

Made For TV Movie

2011-07-26T05:02:00.000-07:00

A 35 year old man being accompanied by his mother to a doctor's appointment is just plain embarrassing.

I'm Ready

2011-07-23T22:26:00.000-07:00

A recent medical scare got me to thinking about death.

I have always been an optimist. But this time, I wanted to look at the worst case scenario.

In case the lumps found on my neck would turn out to be fatal, I was ready to accept my fate.

I was ready to die.

I felt I have accomplished something during my lifetime.

I have been everywhere. (Although, I still wanna go to Europe and visit friends in Australia. But I digress.)

I do not have a family of my own. I have no kids (that I know of). Therefore, I need not worry that they will be fatherless.

So if worst comes to worst, Raft3r is ready.

Besides, death extinguishes debt.

Dear Mr. President

2011-07-20T05:08:00.000-07:00

Your Excellency,

Now that you found an escape goat in everyone's favorite bitch, may we know what your next move is?

Time to grow some balls, perhaps?

The Waiting Game

2011-07-16T08:19:00.000-07:00

What would you do if you were made to wait for almost 10 hours and there was no movie house in sight?

Let Raft3r demonstrate:

Get a haircut.

Have a massage.

Stretch your lunch to 3 hours.

Do your grocery shopping.

Have dessert.

Window shop in every store.

Read a book.

Buy a small bottled water and hang out in Starbucks for another three hours.

Temptation Island

2011-07-14T00:58:00.000-07:00

Lessons from Marian Rivera's latest hit movie:

1. Never take life seriously;

2. Putting five scantily clad gorgeous girls in one movie guarantees a box office bonanza;

3. It's a dog eat dog world;

4. Love does not discriminate;

5. A man in red underwear is a sight for sore eyes;

6. Cannibalism is best partnered with singing; and

7. When all else fails, dance.

Oops!...I Did It Again

2011-07-10T08:40:00.000-07:00

I haven't updated my list in a long time.

Here's a rundown of Raft3r’s “100 Things To Do Before I Die:”

1. ~~Get out of Baltimore alive.~~
2. Skydive.
3. Get married in Boracay.
4. Purchase a condo, preferably near work.
5. ~~Switch to Blu-ray.~~
6. Be interviewed on TV.
7. Write a book. I can’t help but laugh at the idea.
8. Have kids. Twins would be awesome. Cute ones, please.
9. Take life more seriously.
10. Watch my nieces get married.
11. ~~Have an encounter with Martina Hingis.~~
12. Be in a movie. I can act.
13. Play tennis with Patrick Rafter.
14. Be debt free.
15. Work for the United Nations.
16. ~~Catch the US Open live.~~
17. Stop procrastinating.
18. Have 7 girlfriends at the same time.
19. Lie consistently.
20. Dress appropriately for my age.
21. Own an island in Palawan.
22. Practice yoga.
23. Take mom to Europe.
24. ~~Stop annoying my next door neighbor.~~
25. Visit M&M in Australia.
26. ~~Be invited to an orgy.~~
27. Lose weight.
28. Adopt a chow chow.
29. Learn to play a musical instrument.
30. Be allergy free.
31. Live in New York.
32. Become a vegetarian.
33. Learn to love enemies.
34. Be the voice of my generation.
35. ~~Stop plotting my revenge on high school bullies.~~
36. ~~Blog more.~~
37. Run naked in a very public place.
38. Be responsible.
39. ~~Search for the perfect smoothie.~~
40. ~~Wake up early.~~
41. Drive responsibly.
42. Be abducted by aliens.
43. ~~Eat sensibly.~~
44. Get mobbed by fans.
45. ~~Buy my nieces a pony.~~
46. ~~Finally tell my folks about the Picanto.~~
47. Become a sports commentator for Wimbledon.
48. Stop complaining.
49. ~~Pray more.~~
50. Learn to commit.
51. Be practical.
52. ~~Send apology letters to all my exes.~~
53. Meet Jodie Foster.
54. Go to Graceland.
55. ~~Invent something.~~
56. Visit Batanes.
57. Get certified for diving.
58. Sex on the beach.
59. Have my teeth whitened.
60. ~~Buy a MacBook.~~
61. A dinner party with Hannibal Lecter, Dana Scully, and Stewie from Family Guy.
62. Have a Google page ranking of 10 for The Deadbeat Club.
63. A vacation in Tokyo.
64. Learn to ski.
65. Have Hugh Hefner’s lifestyle when I turn 50.
66. Stash more cash in the bank.
67. Learn to say no.
68. ~~Complete the Janet Jackson music catalogue. She’s HOT!~~
69. ~~Buy stocks and bonds.~~
70. Start jogging.
71. Become a rock star.
72. Get paid to talk.
73. Eat at IHOP everyday.
74. ~~Sleep all day.~~
75. A rest house in Tagaytay.
76. Make my country proud.
77. Witness a Marian apparition.
78. A picnic at Central Park with the entire Friends gang.
79. Run a marathon.
80. ~~Engage in charity work.~~
81. Learn to surf.
82. ~~Curse more.~~
83. Inspire others.
84. Put up a rehab center for DVD addicts.
85. Have breakfast in bed with Angelina Jolie.
86. Be a ball boy at the Aussie Open.
87. Persuade Denise Richards to give up acting.
88. Grow a full beard.
89. Pick up a new language.
90. ~~Read more.~~
91. ~~Spend less.~~
92. Recycle.
93. Start answering my phone calls.
94. Get rid of negativity.
95. Stop making up stories just to make my life more interesting.
96. Hold a giant anaconda. That’s no gay talk.
97. Take a trip to Africa.
98. ~~Learn something from this 11 week training in Maryland.~~
99. Know how to change tires.
100. Be funny as hell.

A Change Would Do You Good

2011-07-10T08:11:00.000-07:00

Raft3r sold his six month old iPad in exchange for this...

Meet my new baby. Isn't she pretty?

The Lady Is A Vamp

2011-07-06T07:24:00.000-07:00

Girls can be so defensive, especially when asking a guy out on a date.

Want proof?

Read on.

Scenario 1

Girl: "Raft3r, let's go out for coffee."

Raft3r: "Ok."

Girl: "It's not a date. Ok? We're just having coffee."

Raft3r: "Whatever you say."

Scenario 2

Girl: "Let's go to Tagaytay. Overnight."

Raft3r: "Just the two of us?"

Girl: "Yeah. Hwag ka nga feeling. Dalawa kwarto sa bahay. (Don't be too sure of yourself. There are two rooms in the house.)"

If It Makes You Happy

2011-07-03T17:55:00.000-07:00

Why do we put such a high premium on happiness?

You often hear people say, "As long as you're happy..."

But being happy does not necessarily mean you are doing the right thing.

Happiness does not normally equate to righteousness.

Take Raft3r for instance.

He is always happy but never right.

Lick It

2011-07-01T01:13:00.000-07:00

Watching a 60 year old lady eat a hotdog on a stick and seeing her lick it is just plain disgusting.

You've Really Gone And Done It Now

2011-06-27T19:59:00.000-07:00

Today is the saddest day in Raft3r's adult life.

I just ate my favorite meal of all time - tapsilog (quick fried beef strips served with fried rice and egg) - without rice.

Kill me now. Please.

Sex And Candy

2011-06-25T21:02:00.000-07:00

You can have sex without putting love into the equation.

No doubt about that.

But can there be love without sex?

Run This Town

2011-06-22T18:50:00.000-07:00

Move over, badminton addicts.

The latest sports craze in the country today is running.

A marathon is scheduled practically every weekend. Do organizers ever run out of causes for their events?

Friends have been urging Raft3r to join the bandwagon. The average registration fee for a run is $12.

Assembly time is so early that the sun is not even up yet.

Kung gigising ako ng ganon kaaga, dapat ako ang bayaran nila.

All Dogs Go To Heaven

2011-06-19T18:47:00.000-07:00

Raft3r saw 3 dead dogs on the street today.

Three.

I don't care much for most humans. But I love all dogs.

To quote my wifey: "In many ways, like God, dogs are love."

Price Tag

2011-06-15T19:54:00.000-07:00

I was out on a date last night.

But instead of paying attention to her, I kept my eyes glued to the hot looking chick seated at the table right across from us.

She was gorgeous - alright - in her lil tight black number.

That wasn't the only thing Raft3r noticed.

The gorgeous one sat like a man with her legs wide apart.

She also ate like a man. Whatta turn off. She was such a sloppy eater with no finesse.

Guess it's true what they say: "You really can't buy class."

Independence Day

2011-06-12T00:47:00.000-07:00

I am Pinoy because:

a) My parents won't allow me to leave the family nest, despite my old age;

b) I love fish ball, sorbetes (dirty ice cream), and taho (sweetened soy bean curd);

c) I grew up loving UFC banana catsup;

d) I use a tabo (dipper) in all my travels abroad;

e) I play in the rain;

f) I complain a lot.

Jet Lag

2011-06-08T21:48:00.000-07:00

Raft3r never gets jet lagged.

For some strange reasons, my sleeping pattern remains the same wherever I am in the world.

That doesn't make me human, right?

Born This Way

2011-06-06T16:33:00.000-07:00

A man is set in his ways.

You are delusional if you think you can change me.

Nine Objects Of Desire

2011-06-03T19:45:00.000-07:00

1. Blondes

2. The 11" MacBook Air

3. Caramel Syrup

4. Sony 3D Internet TV

5. Kristin Kreuk

6. Batanes

7. Mini Cooper

8. Fried Rice

9. A Job At Walmart

Planes, Trains And Automobiles

2011-06-01T00:14:00.000-07:00

Raft3r's US trip summed up in numbers:

Blu-ray discs bought - 29

Duration of stay - 10 days

Walmart/Target/Toys R Us/Outlet Stores raided - 9

Pasalubong (homecoming gift) for nieces - 8

Flights taken - 7

New acquiantances - 6

iTunes cards used - 5

Relatives visited - 5

Alcoholic beverages consumed - 4

States visited - 4

DVDs purchased - 3

Bus rides - 2

Drove car - 2

Theme parks visited - 2

CD bought - 1

Hook ups - 0

I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got

2011-05-28T23:23:00.000-07:00

iPad 2 is here.

Apparently, iPhone 5 is on the horizon.

I don't need them. Really.

Convinced?

I guess not.

Let me just be honest with you, then.

I do not want an iPhone 5 and an iPad 2 simply because I can't afford them.

I live a very sad life these days.

The Hangover

2011-05-26T17:03:00.000-07:00

After more than a decade, Raft3r literally got wasted.

I barfed like it was the only thing that mattered.

It felt good reliving my twenties.

The culprits: Blue Martini, Mojito, Clementine, The Good Life, a Tutti Frutti hookah plus a full stomach.

Cheers!

The Sweetest Thing

2011-05-24T19:28:00.000-07:00

Raft3r loves bacon.

He also loves ice cream.

So when Denny's came up with the bacon sundae covered in maple syrup, Raft3r just had to try it.

My cousin describes the taste as interesting.

You have to hand it to the Americans.

They are the only ones who can come up with silly things like the bacon sundae.

Post script: To this date, the taste still lingers in my mouth.

Right Track Wrong Train

2011-05-20T23:40:00.000-07:00

This is one huge blow to Raft3r's already inflated ego.

California Girl: "You look different in the picture. You're very photogenic."

Am I really that butt ugly in person?

Learning The Hard Way

2011-05-17T09:11:00.000-07:00

Some hard earned lessons in life:

It pays to be good looking.

Not every Filipino likes Charice.

Sometimes you just don't get what you deserve.

Everything is much easier if you have money.

Love is overrated.

Some people just rub you the wrong way.

The older you get, the more jaded you become.

Not all babies are cute.

Up In The Air

2011-05-13T18:14:00.000-07:00

(Hopefully) the last big 2011 adventure for the single guy begins today.

Raft3r flies to Taipei and will spend 12 hours in the air to get to San Francisco.

From SFO, I'll get on another plane to Los Angeles.

In LAX, a friend will be waiting for me and we'll head to Anaheim together.

After a couple of days in Sunny California, a few more friends will join Raft3r for a road trip to Vegas.

We will be rocking the Sin City for 4 days before heading to Denver. A side trip to Arizona is also in order. Colorado will be the last leg on this trip.

That's 4 states in 10 days.

I fly back to San Francisco and return to Manila.

That's the plan. Unless, I decide to stay for good.

Revelations

2011-05-10T07:31:00.000-07:00

I want kids of my own but marriage (as of now) is out of the equation.

I never had a foot massage.

For more than two years, I have gone commando.

I don't know how to ride a bike.

I have been celibate for the 71 past days.

I don't mix milk with my cereal.

The Deadbeat Club ends its run on January 19, 2013.

Lie To Me

2011-05-07T09:44:00.000-07:00

Which statement is false?

a) Raft3r graduated with honors.

b) Raft3r was a victim of sexual abuse.

c) Raft3r has a cute butt.

d) Raft3r no longer eats rice.

e) Today is Raft3r's birthday.

f) Raft3r is allergic to cockroaches.

g) Raft3r hates driving.

h) Raft3r is often mistaken for Ralph Recto.

i) Raft3r is a terrible liar.

The Story Of Us

2011-05-03T22:37:00.000-07:00

I ran into a former flame last night.

After a kiss on the cheek, the interrogation began.

Girl: "How are things?"

Raft3r: "I'm ok."

Girl: "Just ok?"

Raft3r: "I'm good. I haven't changed since the last time we saw each other."

Girl (frowning): "You still don't wanna get married?"

Raft3r: "Yeah. You?"

Girl (with a victorious smile): "I'm married with kids."

Raft3r: "Good for you. By the way, I have a blog."

Girl: "I know. You write about me - about us - a lot."

Busted.

That's What Love Is For

2011-05-01T20:40:00.000-07:00

Raft3r's Holy Week was very productive.

I stayed home and spent less than $4.00.

I fasted and lost 3 pounds.

I played and watched movies with the kids.

I meditated and asked for Divine guidance.

Most importantly, Raft3r cleaned house.

I took out all my DVDs and blu-ray discs. They were gathering dust.

I painstakingly wiped each and every disc in my collection. All 795 of them.

It took me an entire day to finish the task.

Now, that's love.

Then The Morning Comes

2011-04-28T19:45:00.000-07:00

I hate waking up in someone else's bed.

Say What You Want

2011-04-24T20:54:00.000-07:00

Raft3r does not enjoy small talk.

I don't care about your neighbor's dog. Let's not discuss the weather. I don't wanna talk about the latest gossip.

Let's just get down to business.

I like you. Do you like me?

Music And Lyrics

2011-04-21T06:29:00.000-07:00

When Jewel sings about her hands which are small but - at least - their hers and not someone else's, what does she mean by that?

It could either be a very good metaphor for something or it could just be the worst lyric in music history.

Either way, the song is stuck in my head since this morning. Damn it.

Taken

2011-04-19T06:41:00.000-07:00

Oreo was dognapped.

Our dog accidentally got out of our house and some good-natured neighbors decided to steal him.

A family friend overheard our neighbors. "Pre, bigyan mo ko Php 2000 pag nabenta mo yang aso. (Give me $46 when you sell the dog.)"

Apparently, they thought Oreo was worth millions.

We immediately went to our neighbors' house and got Oreo back.

The dog was trembling when we fetched him. Poor boy.

Here's the funny part. Oreo is a mongrel.

Only in Mali Bay will you find unscrupulous people who would be interested in a half breed and sell it for a profit.

It Must Have Been Love

2011-04-16T20:32:00.000-07:00

Whenever I run into a 70 year old man holding hands and being affectionate with a 20 year old chick, I see love.

Save Me, San Francisco

2011-04-12T17:20:00.000-07:00

I have not travelled on my own since 1997.

At that time, I didn't mind at all. I was young and carefree.

I felt I could conquer the world, if I wanted to.

Fast forward to 2011, I am seriously freaking out that I'm all alone in my San Francisco adventure.

I guess aging does that to you.

Your metabolism slows down. Lines appear on your lovely face. Unwanted hair grows out of nowhere. Fear creeps up on you like a thief in the night.

I Can't Make You Love Me

2011-04-10T07:12:00.000-07:00

Last night I had the most peaceful sleep EVER.

When I woke up it dawned on me that whatever I do, I can never force someone to love (or even like) me.

I was good with that. I felt fine.

I felt liberated.

Sorry, Marian. It's your loss.

Affirmation

2011-04-06T16:43:00.000-07:00

I believe in the kindess of strangers.

I believe experience is the best teacher.

I believe happiness is contentment.

I believe money is the root of all evil.

I believe in karma.

I believe the Philippine government will always be corrupt.

I believe luck plays a huge part in life.

I believe a lot of people are suckers for love.

I believe many of you will like this.

All The Small Things

2011-04-03T08:12:00.001-07:00

I don't fancy midgets as waiters.

To some it may be a novelty idea (Hello, Chelsea Handler!). Others might find it appealing. But not Raft3r.

I'm sure their employer means well.

However, vertically challenged individuals may be cut out for other industries besides F&B.

I just don't have the heart to summon someone to take my order and bring me my drink when the waiter is way shorter than my 7 year old niece. But that's just me.

It does, however, give cheap labor a whole new perspective.

Come Back To Bed

2011-04-01T07:06:00.000-07:00

Raft3r's two favorite words: "Malapit nako. (I'm coming.)"

Island In The Sun

2011-03-28T08:42:00.001-07:00

Raft3r and the gang went island hopping in Bohol.

We saw one area where a lot of boats were congregated.

Raft3r: "Ano meron don? (What's going on there?)"

Boatman: "Dulpin, ser."

Raft3r: "Ah, dolphin. Let's go there."

Boatman: "Yis, ser. Dulpin. Piro hwag tayu dyan. Sa iba ko kayu dalin. (I'll take you somewhere else.)"

Raft3r and friends exchanged glances.

Where was the boatman taking us? The dolphins were right there.

After 30 minutes, we heard the engine stop. We were in the middle of this huge body of water with no one and nothing in sight.

A few seconds passed and the dolphins appeared!

They were that close to us I could practically smell them. One almost jumped over our little bangka (boat).

Before I could take out my camera, the dolphins were all gone.

Who knew this experience would be so exhilarating.

So Mr. Dulpin, thank you for our very close encounter with the dolphins. You rock!