Wednesday, August 5, 2020

Quarantine

Man, 2020 is a total bitch.

With Covid-19, we saw the entire world shut down before our very eyes.  The words quarantine, lockdown, virus, and anxiety became integral parts of the vocabulary for every breathing human being.

Travels were put on hold.  Work from home became the new normal.  Online shopping and food delivery became more vital to everyday life.  Masks, face shields, and PPEs instantly became fashion staples.  People were stuck at home, either alone, with loved ones or worst - with human beings they actually abhor.

For Raft3r, it was 143 days of total bliss.  I wanted to be home.  I needed to be home.  I never wanted the lockdown to end, to be honest.

Here's a rundown of Raft3r's daily musing during his quarantine life.

Day 1: The wife wanted pancakes,  So I made her some.  Pwede na talaga among mag-househusband, diba? (I can be a househusband, right?)
Day 2: Back to work.
Day 3: Wala ng pasok. (Work is cancelled.)
Day 4: I can totally get used to this.
Day 5: London painting finally up in our living room.
Day 6: Wine night.
Day 7: Man-cave is now up and running.
Day 8: It's food delivery time already.
Day 9: Linis banyo. (Time to clean the bathrooms.)
Day 10: Setting up for telework.
Day 11: Gotta stuck up on supplies.
Day 12: Updated work spreadsheets.
Day 13: Tubeeeeegggg! (Water service interruption.)
Day 14: I need butter.
Day 15: File travel insurance claims.
Day 16: Pay bills online.
Day 17: I don't even know what day it is now.  Totally lost track of time.
Day 18: The Hangover trilogy.
Day 19: Birds of Prey.
Day 20: Isang beses nalang sa buong araw mag-toothbrush at maghilamos. (I only wash my face and brush my teeth just once a day.)
Day 21: Real food.  Finally.  Beef lasagna, garlic parmesan chicken, baked salmon.
Day 22: Lost 2 pounds.
Day 23: Started roaming around the house with only my underwear on.
Day 24: Funko Pop inventory.
Day 25: We were supposed to fly to Milan today.
Day 26: Hot and humid.
Day 27: Good Friday.
Day 28: Today would have been my wife's first time in Paris.
Day 29: Happy Easter, boys and girls.
Day 30: Restaurant ready to cook meals to the rescue.
Day 31: 744 nonstop hours with the wife.
Day 32: Bought 2 Otter cases for an iPhone I don't even own yet.
Day 33: Kim's Convenience.
Day 34: Finally have time for my Lego sets.
Day 35: I finished reading a book.  It took me 34 days to read Warbringer.
Day 36: Anong araw na ba ngayon, ha? (What day is it already?)
Day 37: Online grocery shopping is stressful.
Day 38: We need a waffle maker.
Day 39: Finally got the sound bar to work.
Day 40: Our treadmill is here!
Day 41: I'm really comfortable not leaving our home.  I would make the perfect househusband.  I take pleasure in serving my wife.  My balls are still pretty much intact.
Day 42: Zoom with the JASMS kids.
Day 43: I need a deep fryer.  Our air fryer simply ain't cutting it for me.
Day 44: I miss playing Pokémon Go.
Day 45: Bacon.
Day 46: My sister's helper saw our pusakal eat a live bird.  (My sister's helper just saw our cat eat a live bird.)
Day 47: Heroes in Crisis.
Day 48: Our European vacation is supposed to come to an end today.
Day 49: File refund for the Alanis concert.
Day 50: Buntis na ba ako? (Am I pregnant?)
Day 51: Yun pinagdidiskitahan ni doktora ang mahaba kong buhok. (The good doctor wants to cut my hair.  I don't think so.)
Day 52: I miss Greenhills.
Day 53: Tumakbo ng shirtless sa treadmill na akala mo naman may abs. (Ran shirtless, as if I have a ripped body.)
Day 54: Tummy ache.
Day 55: Dilawan daw ako. (They think I'm anti-government.)
Day 56: I miss writing/blogging but I'm now married.  I can only be committed to a single entity.
Day 57: Still patiently waiting for Janet to cancel her tour.  So that I can live on with my life.
Day 58: There is a need for more seasons of Tiny House Nation on Netflix.
Day 59: Doctor Sleep.
Day 60: Finally bought an AVR for the treadmill.  Sana dumating agad para pwede na aircon habana tumatakbo.
Day 61: 44.
Day 62: Steak and potatoes.
Day 63: Today is Janet Jackson's birthday.
Day 64: Wala ng plantsa-plantsa ng mga nilabahan. (We no longer iron clothes.)
Day 65: Bluray and 4K inventory.
Day 66: I don't have the urge to go out of the house.  In fact, I don't wanna leave our home.  Everything and everyone I need and want are right here.  The outside world sucks.
Day 67: Taco Day.
Day 68: It's happening.  Zack Snyder's Justice League.  I almost cried.
Day 69: Started writing again.
Day 70: The Invisible Man.
Day 71: The whole house smells like bacon.  I love it.
Day 72: I really can't count.  I'm off by a day.  Day 44 is a double entry.  (FYI.  Fixed this for the blog post.)
Day 73: Cooked lunch for the good doctor.  Breaded pork chop on a bed of multigrain rice with crab and corn soup.
Day 74: The good doctor's going out today for her project launch.  Everybody, please wish her good luck.
Day 75: Strength conditioning in the morning.  Cardio exercise in the afternoon.  Sadly, all these will change when I return to work.
Day 76: This is the only time I got sad.  We are no longer in lockdown.
Day 77: Somebody Feed Phil.
Day 78: Lechon. (Roasted pig.)
Day 79: I already have five strands of grey hair.
Day 80: Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.  Where the secondary characters are way more funny and interesting than the lead.
Day 81: Hello, outside world.  Please be kind.  I'm a little scared to be quite honest.
Day 82: Double time at the treadmill today.
Day 83: Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
Day 84: Santa Clarita Diet. Drew Barrymore as a TV star.  Just one of her many reincarnations.
Day 85: Some of The Witcher's CGU are cringeworthy.
Day 86: A virus singlehandedly killed 2020.
Day 87: Spanish bread.
Day 88: Money Heist Funko Pops.
Day 89: Woke up to pretty disturbing news.  Our office is now on Phase 1.
Day 90: Ulam sa tanghali.  Ulam padin sa hapunan. (Leftover lunch is dinner food.)
Day 91: It's my sister's birthday.
Day 92: Lasagna.
Day 93: So our actual home gym is a mess.  It looks like a storeroom.  Found some old photos.  Man, I look good!
Day 94: After 10 million years, I finished reading Crisis On Infinite Earths.
Day 95: Filed for refund with Cathay Pacific on March 1.  They said that it'll take 90 days to process. Today is June 17.  Refund is still pending.
Day 96: Haven't seen my nieces since March.  I miss hugging them.
Day 97: Animal Kingdom.
Day 98: Crabs.  Pork.  Noodles.
Day 99: Infinite Crisis.
Day 100: Last night I got to see my nieces with masks on and proper social distancing.  It was bittersweet.  I wanted to hug and kiss them but I can't.  Broke my heart a bit.
Day 101: More cancelled trips coming right up.
Day 102: Popeye's Chicken
Day 103: My wife is working even harder during the lockdown.  She deserves a break.
Day 104: Ayan. Hindi na 12K kuryente namin ni doktora.  9K nalang.  (Our electric bill dropped from 12K to 9K.)
Day 105: Designated Survivor.  Yup, I'm late in the game.
Day 106: Mukhang August na ako papasok sa opis nito, ah.  (I'm going back to the office in August.)
Day 107: The hunt for the perfect washing machine.
Day 108: I accidentally cut myself.  Ouch.
Day 109: Papayat uli ako.  (I will soon lose weight again.)
Day 110: You know the World Wide Web is big enough for all of us to share.  So instead of spreading hate, why don't we all just get along?  Try and learn to respect each other's views, shall we?
Day 111: Craving for tapsilog.
Day 112: Pancit palabok or panic canton?  The ultimate noodle challenge.
Day 113: We bought a new toy.  Hopefully, the water that comes out of this purifier doesn't taste like mud. 
Day 114: Mall of Asia is swarming with people. 
Day 115: Got an email from Lyft confirming my refund for a cab ride I allegedly took in June.  I haven't been to the US since August last year.
Day 116: Time to pay more bills.  Adulting is fun.
Day 117: The wife and I watched Last Christmas.  She has no clue who George Michael was.  She does not know what this holiday song is all about.  Boy, was she totally blown away on how the movie turned out.  Love being married to a millennial.
Day 118: The only thing I hate about the AirPods Pro is that it won't work on older iPod models.  Yes, I still have an iPod I use while at the gym.  Do you have a problem with that?
Day 119: Japanese horror movies are on sale.  Thank you, iTunes.
Day 120: I actually miss going to church.
Day 121: Woke up extra early today to make her some pancakes.
Day 122: Crispy pata + kare-kare = perfect food combo
Day 123: Invest.  It's the perfect way to reward your self.
Day 124: Do you honestly think that you look good in your selfies?
Day 125: After more than 4 months, Cathay Pacific came through with our refund.
Day 126: Bacon and eggs for breakfast.
Day 127: After 5 years on being on my shopping cart, finally purchased that big DC Lego set.
Day 128: Checked my work email and found out that I have an award waiting for me at the office.
Day 129: Does a cat know if he's banging his own mother?
Day 130: Patiently waiting for my Lazada deliveries.
Day 131: The only marital challenge we have during this pandemic is choosing where to order food.
Day 132: I want a burger.
Day 133: Is porn art? It is, right?
Day 134: Hello, BGC.  Don't be scary please.
Day 135: It's a non-working holiday this Friday.  Wait.  I haven't worked in 4 months.
Day 136: RTB investment.
Day 137: My 13 year old niece reads Pulitzer winning books.  At that age, I could barely finish a Hardy Boys novel.
Day 138: Purple Oven.
Day 139: I was supposed to go to a Janet Jackson concert next month.
Day 140: I am not mentally ready to report for work yet.
Day 141: I lost 14 pounds since the lockdown.
Day 142: Going back to work in 2 days.  I wonder how our office will respond to the new government announcement.
Day 143: Microsoft Teams meeting.
Day 144: Hello, Roxas Boulevard.  I'm back.

Sunday, January 19, 2020

Tweak Your Nipple


One night in bed, my lovely wife blurted out, “Pinkish pala nipples mo, ano?! (You have pink nipples.)”

Shit.  You simply can’t make this stuff up.

Post script: Today we celebrate the 12th year of The Deadbeat Club.




Wednesday, January 9, 2019

So Far So Good

In the first month alone, 2019 is turning out to be mighty fine.

Consider the following:

1. U.S. government shutdown;
2. The return of the starlet on prime time television; and
3. The wedding church in Batanes is currently under construction.

Monday, December 31, 2018

The Year Ends In Arson

Aquaman is a huge hit.

Janet Jackson will finally get inducted to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.

Raft3r is engaged to be married.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is 2018!

Thursday, December 6, 2018

Letter To Me

I’m 42 and I still don’t have a clue.
I don’t have a goal.
I don’t even have a motto in life.
I really don’t.
I can’t say that I’m lost, though.
I got enough money stashed somewhere.
I have a job that I don’t hate.
I travel around the world.
I don’t feel empty.
But I don’t know why I’m here.
Do I have a purpose?
What motivates me?
I am at my happiest now.
Yet somehow I feel undeserving.
A woman, I met, changed me.
In a lot of ways, she changed me.
She changed my life.
I may not know a lot about stuff.
But I do know that I am appreciative.
I am grateful for life.
I am grateful to be alive.
I am grateful to her.
Still I wonder.
Do I deserve happiness?
Do I deserve her?

Thursday, August 16, 2018

Death Of A Bachelor

Raft3r is getting married.

It’s weird, huh? That’s not a typo.  You read that right.

Raft3r.  Marriage.  In one sentence.  Apparently, miracles do happen.

This pretty much puts an end to the adventures of the single guy.

On February 16, 2019, I will be saying “I do” to the most awesome girl on the planet.  This will take place in scenic Batanes.

For years, I have ranted about commitment and relationships.  Wanna relive them?  Read here.

How I fell in love is a whole other story.  That will be told on our wedding day.  Be there.

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Begin Again

When I shut down The Deadbeat Club back in 2013, the idea was to update it every once in a while. So here’s one. 

Raft3r just turned 40. Yup, I’m a dinosaur. I just don’t look like your ordinary run of the mill dirty old man. I am Raft3r. Hear me roar!
  1. I have a very twisted sense of humor. Only intelligent folks, like you, get it.
  2. I don’t miss blogging
  3. I am currently in love.
  4. I have been fascinated with Herschel bags for a few months now.  I am almost over it. 
  5. I have been travelling every month since the start of the year.
  6. I was able to witness Presumptive President Rody Duterte cast his vote. 
  7. I will be going to Coron, Palawan for the first time. 
  8. I unfriended over 800 people on Facebook
  9. I prefer Twitter
  10. I collect Janet Jackson’s Unbreakable CDs and vinyls from all over the world. 
  11. I thoroughly enjoyed Batman v. Superman.  Deal with it. 
  12. I believe that Marvel movies are for kids.
  13. I eat hard boiled eggs for snacks.
  14. I now weigh 140 pounds.  This is the lightest I’ve ever been. 
  15. I now moisturize. 
  16. I have a 100% success rate with every job application.  That’s five job promotions in ten years.
  17. I am still counting calories.
  18. I shook hands with Barack Obama and Janet Jackson
  19. I am particularly fond of ice cream cake.
  20. I love flying. Takeoffs, specially.
  21. I was recently rushed to the emergency room for severe stomach pain.
  22. I can now do pull-ups.
  23. I did not vote on May 9, 2016.
  24. I get hungry when bored.
  25. I do charity works but I don’t see the need to publicize them.
  26. I hate selfies.  They are for people who are so full of themselves.
  27. I am sarcastic.  You should know that by now. 
  28. I will eat anything deep fried.
  29. I don’t act my age.  I am very immature.
  30. I finally did the unthinkable.  I introduced my girlfriend to the entire family.
  31. I can survive on chips alone.
  32. I want to go back to school
  33. I don’t usually like to take credit for most of my achievements.  Luck always plays a big part.
  34. I was once a kept man
  35. I never had my heart broken.  Yes, I have no feelings. 
  36. I don’t really care how I look.  I just want to smell great.
  37. I miss playing tennis.  I really, really, really do. 
  38. I used to read Stevan Javellana’s “Without Seeing the Dawn” on a yearly basis. 
  39. I love fries.
  40. I am already due for a prostate exam


Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Island Of Desire

Who knew this day would come?

One of Raft3r’s writings has found its way to the top news website in the Philippines! This is probably the closest thing I’ll ever get to being published.

Full and unedited text is below.

Online article, on the other hand, appears here.

Enjoy!

========

Confucius said it best: Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. I adhere to his philosophy.

My job has taken me all over the Philippines, most states in America and even to some remote parts of the Pacific like the Marshall Islands. Yup, I’m one lucky bastard.

To say that I love my job would be an understatement. Getting paid to travel is every adventure seeker’s fantasy. The travel bug in me screams in delight every time a new assignment is given.

Recently I went to Siquijor with my American boss.

Ah, just the mere mention of its name can send shivers down the spine of many. I’m not one of them though. Being a huge fan of horror movies and all things scary, I immediately welcomed the opportunity to visit a place known for black magic and the supernatural. Besides, getting lost in a mystical island with a foreigner would make an excellent bedtime story for my future grandchildren.

I heard so many cool things about Siquijor: pristine beaches, the enchanted Balete tree, waterfalls. I was excited to see them all. 

The most thrilling part, of course, is the so-called dark side of Siquijor. After all, it wasn’t called “Island of Fire” by the Spanish colonizers for nothing. I wanted an encounter with the occult. I knew it was a business trip but I still wanted to satisfy my craving for an adventure with the unknown. I was excited as hell.

To get there, we traveled by air (Manila to Dumaguete), sea (Dumaguete to Siquijor), and land (Siquijor Pier to Coco Grove). Pretty cool, huh? The private yacht was just an icing on the cake.

When we finally docked in Siquijor, we were immediately captivated by its beauty. Just look at the majestic scenery that greeted us. It took us almost a half a day of traveling but it was worth it. 


Prior to the trip, my dad and a few acquaintances kept warning me against accepting food and drinks from strangers while in Siquijor. I don’t know if the warning was because of my insatiable appetite or the fact that people still think that Siquijor is one big spooky place.

Beware of the mambabarang (local voodoo doctor), so they say. I certainly did not heed their warning. In fact, I came looking for the mambabarangs of Siquijor. I was on a prowl.

Our driver cum local tour guide was quick to say that voodoo is no longer practiced in Siquijor. That bummed me out, big time. He went on to say how the young Siquijonons are not interested in black magic and the supernatural. Kids are now more fascinated with modern technology. I mean who can blame them? Texting is awesome. Yes, I am being sarcastic.

Without the mambabarang, we settled for the next big thing. Our tour guide took us to a healer with the American as the willing victim. The healer was a young lady in her early twenties. She claimed her gift of healing was inherited from her lolo (grandfather). Healer asked which part of the American’s body needed some fine tuning. “The back,” said the latter.

Armed with warm water, a bottle, a straw, and a mysterious black stone, the healer began to work her magic on my boss. She started rubbing the bottle with warm water against the American’s back. This went on for about five minutes.

The American looked very uneasy. At that point, I was just glad I wasn’t the volunteer. I had the entire ordeal videotaped. I kinda figured it would be good to use for blackmail, at some point in time.

When it was all over, I asked my boss how the experience was. The American said it felt more like massage than a healing. 

There goes your black magic.

Monday, January 19, 2015

The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows

Interested to find out what’s been happening to the adventurous single guy since The Deadbeat Club shut down in 2013?

Here's the lowdown:

  • Lost 30 pounds in 5 months;
  • Cancelled paid trips to Australia, New Zealand, and Batanes;
  • Actively annoying people on Twitter;
  • Got promoted at work for the 5th time;
  • Featured in Australia's most popular news site;
  • Gearing up for more huge changes in 2016;
  • Chopped his hair off for a good cause; and
  • Decided with FINALITY to not name his future daughter Sheryl.
Post script: This entry is dedicated to one of my very best friends. Happy birthday, Oishi!!!

Saturday, January 19, 2013

5

Today marks the 5th year and the last day of The Deadbeat Club.

With 648 blog posts (13 of which I did not write), 25,498 comments, and over 69,000 visitors, Raft3r is extremely grateful.

Below are the quotable quotes from the past 12 months:

Is having an ugly baby a curse? (Straight Outta Hell’s Kitchen)

By the way, checking yourself out in the mirror does not actually change how you really look. (The Mirror Has Two Faces)

Internet connection is way crappier if provided by Globe. (Same Ol’ Story)

Given how men are such assholes, women will have plenty to sing about in the years to come. (Let The Beat Hit ‘Em)

Men give flowers on Valentine's. Women reciprocate this gentlemanly gesture by surrendering their flower. (Life Is A Flower)

Mom was alarmed that I had a thing for black women. (Queen Of The Night)

But like any other good fairy tale, Prince Charming Raft3r eventually broke her heart. (Isn’t It Romantic?)

Valentines is the loneliest day in the life of any single woman. (Lonely Hearts Club)

Love is just a four letter word. Why be so affected by it? (Sometimes Love Just Ain’t Enough)

You can always choose to be happy. (Life)

Just because I smile every time we run into each other at the hallway does not mean I like you. (Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood)

The Philippines is a nation of spitters. (Life Swallower)

I am not built that way. (Drive My Car)

Love is otherwise known as martyrdom. (What Is Love)

You know you are getting older when you wrote your undergraduate thesis using WordStar 4 processor. (Don’t Look Back In Anger)

You can always cheat death by pretending you want to die. (Wanted Dead Or Alive)

Bakit ba mas maepal pa ang kabit kesa sa legal wife? (No Other Woman)

Lawyers are indeed liars. (Boy On A String)

I would have admired them more if they sharpened their minds instead. (Mysterious Ways)

All Raft3r got from a breakup were unpaid bills. (The Social Network)

Why would any self-respecting man shave his armpits? (Give Me One Reason)

Isn't it ironic how death turns out to be the best teacher in life lessons? (Game Changer)

Yelling and screaming should be limited to horror movies. No exceptions. (Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close)

Who would have thought people of that age are still very much sexually active. (The Bridges Of Madison County)

I have a weird relationship with God. (Losing My Religion)

When politicians talk about integrity, good governance, public accountability, transparency in office, Raft3r couldn't help but cringe. (Devil Inside)

If you have a choice and your husband abandons you, would you rather lose him to another woman or a man? (The Crying Game)

It just dawned on me that if I am as committed to any relationship as I am with The Deadbeat Club, I would have been married by now. (Rhythm Of Love)

I believe my best feature is the ability to make fun of myself. (The Best Of Me)

What would you do if your partner refuses to put out? (Let’s Get It On)

Life without me would be one bumpy ride. (You Owe Me Nothing In Return)

Of all the girls I have been with, you were the only one I said "I love you" to. And I meant it. (Somebody That I Used To Know)

When all else fails, flirt. (Gotta Get Thru This)

I will get married for money. (Ball And Chain)

Without much work experience, I have nothing to offer but my good looks. (Nice To Know You)

When a romantic comedy is done just right, even a hardened cynic like Raft3r can still get giddy. (Hello Stranger)

But among total strangers and for you to call me kuya - when you look a decade older than me - is downright insulting. (Up Out My Face)

The Philippines is the real star of the movie. (Bourne Legacy)

Isn't it a breath of fresh air when the girl plays the bad guy? (We Break The Dawn)

Robert Arevalo's character is the perfect representation of myself when I turn 75 years old. (The Healing)

It would take more than a bad weather to dampen the Filipino Spirit. (Anything But Down)

Why would I stand as witness to an institution that I have very little regard for. (The Bride Wore Black)

Meet the ever reliable baby oil, Raft3r's best friend. (I Touch Myself)

Unlike Senator Sotto, Raft3r likes to cite his sources. (Why Can’t It Be)

I will never EVER be good for you. (I Write Sins Not Tragedies)

Just for the sake that someone would personally handle my wake and funeral, I will get married. (Why Did I Get Married?)

Unlike most men, this girl has balls. (We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together)

Raft3r might just be the first person to be penalized and imprisoned for sarcasm. (Live To Rise)

Lawyers and fixers are almost one and the same animal. Both are equally dubious and conniving. (Of All The Things)

My butt is a star - whether online or in real life. (Right Down The Line)

I almost fell in love with you. (The Thing That Should Not Be)

That doesn't mean that I don't have a heart. It only means you're insignificant. (Why Should I Cry For You?)

If she doesn't swallow, she ain't worth keeping. (All The Right Moves)

The truth is I would rather be alone than be with YOU. (Easier Than Love)

But I'm pretty sure that they would rather see Derek Ramsay naked than be my bedfellow. (The Opposite Of Sex)

Not all problems can be solved. (Listen)

So ladies if you're looking for Mr. Right, you have to go through Raft3r first. (Mr. Wrong)

Post script: Click here for 2011, 2010, 2009, and 2008 one-liners. So which one is your favorite year?