Monday, January 19, 2015

The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows

Interested to find out what’s been happening to the adventurous single guy since The Deadbeat Club shut down in 2013?

Here's the lowdown:

  • Lost 30 pounds in 5 months;
  • Cancelled paid trips to Australia, New Zealand, and Batanes;
  • Actively annoying people on Twitter;
  • Got promoted at work for the 5th time;
  • Featured in Australia's most popular news site;
  • Gearing up for more huge changes in 2016;
  • Chopped his hair off for a good cause; and
  • Decided with FINALITY to not name his future daughter Sheryl.
Post script: This entry is dedicated to one of my very best friends. Happy birthday, Oishi!!!

Saturday, January 19, 2013


Today marks the 5th year and the last day of The Deadbeat Club.

With 648 blog posts (13 of which I did not write), 25,498 comments, and over 69,000 visitors, Raft3r is extremely grateful.

Below are the quotable quotes from the past 12 months:

Is having an ugly baby a curse? (Straight Outta Hell’s Kitchen)

By the way, checking yourself out in the mirror does not actually change how you really look. (The Mirror Has Two Faces)

Internet connection is way crappier if provided by Globe. (Same Ol’ Story)

Given how men are such assholes, women will have plenty to sing about in the years to come. (Let The Beat Hit ‘Em)

Men give flowers on Valentine's. Women reciprocate this gentlemanly gesture by surrendering their flower. (Life Is A Flower)

Mom was alarmed that I had a thing for black women. (Queen Of The Night)

But like any other good fairy tale, Prince Charming Raft3r eventually broke her heart. (Isn’t It Romantic?)

Valentines is the loneliest day in the life of any single woman. (Lonely Hearts Club)

Love is just a four letter word. Why be so affected by it? (Sometimes Love Just Ain’t Enough)

You can always choose to be happy. (Life)

Just because I smile every time we run into each other at the hallway does not mean I like you. (Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood)

The Philippines is a nation of spitters. (Life Swallower)

I am not built that way. (Drive My Car)

Love is otherwise known as martyrdom. (What Is Love)

You know you are getting older when you wrote your undergraduate thesis using WordStar 4 processor. (Don’t Look Back In Anger)

You can always cheat death by pretending you want to die. (Wanted Dead Or Alive)

Bakit ba mas maepal pa ang kabit kesa sa legal wife? (No Other Woman)

Lawyers are indeed liars. (Boy On A String)

I would have admired them more if they sharpened their minds instead. (Mysterious Ways)

All Raft3r got from a breakup were unpaid bills. (The Social Network)

Why would any self-respecting man shave his armpits? (Give Me One Reason)

Isn't it ironic how death turns out to be the best teacher in life lessons? (Game Changer)

Yelling and screaming should be limited to horror movies. No exceptions. (Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close)

Who would have thought people of that age are still very much sexually active. (The Bridges Of Madison County)

I have a weird relationship with God. (Losing My Religion)

When politicians talk about integrity, good governance, public accountability, transparency in office, Raft3r couldn't help but cringe. (Devil Inside)

If you have a choice and your husband abandons you, would you rather lose him to another woman or a man? (The Crying Game)

It just dawned on me that if I am as committed to any relationship as I am with The Deadbeat Club, I would have been married by now. (Rhythm Of Love)

I believe my best feature is the ability to make fun of myself. (The Best Of Me)

What would you do if your partner refuses to put out? (Let’s Get It On)

Life without me would be one bumpy ride. (You Owe Me Nothing In Return)

Of all the girls I have been with, you were the only one I said "I love you" to. And I meant it. (Somebody That I Used To Know)

When all else fails, flirt. (Gotta Get Thru This)

I will get married for money. (Ball And Chain)

Without much work experience, I have nothing to offer but my good looks. (Nice To Know You)

When a romantic comedy is done just right, even a hardened cynic like Raft3r can still get giddy. (Hello Stranger)

But among total strangers and for you to call me kuya - when you look a decade older than me - is downright insulting. (Up Out My Face)

The Philippines is the real star of the movie. (Bourne Legacy)

Isn't it a breath of fresh air when the girl plays the bad guy? (We Break The Dawn)

Robert Arevalo's character is the perfect representation of myself when I turn 75 years old. (The Healing)

It would take more than a bad weather to dampen the Filipino Spirit. (Anything But Down)

Why would I stand as witness to an institution that I have very little regard for. (The Bride Wore Black)

Meet the ever reliable baby oil, Raft3r's best friend. (I Touch Myself)

Unlike Senator Sotto, Raft3r likes to cite his sources. (Why Can’t It Be)

I will never EVER be good for you. (I Write Sins Not Tragedies)

Just for the sake that someone would personally handle my wake and funeral, I will get married. (Why Did I Get Married?)

Unlike most men, this girl has balls. (We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together)

Raft3r might just be the first person to be penalized and imprisoned for sarcasm. (Live To Rise)

Lawyers and fixers are almost one and the same animal. Both are equally dubious and conniving. (Of All The Things)

My butt is a star - whether online or in real life. (Right Down The Line)

I almost fell in love with you. (The Thing That Should Not Be)

That doesn't mean that I don't have a heart. It only means you're insignificant. (Why Should I Cry For You?)

If she doesn't swallow, she ain't worth keeping. (All The Right Moves)

The truth is I would rather be alone than be with YOU. (Easier Than Love)

But I'm pretty sure that they would rather see Derek Ramsay naked than be my bedfellow. (The Opposite Of Sex)

Not all problems can be solved. (Listen)

So ladies if you're looking for Mr. Right, you have to go through Raft3r first. (Mr. Wrong)

Post script: Click here for 2011, 2010, 2009, and 2008 one-liners. So which one is your favorite year?

Friday, January 11, 2013

It Could Happen To You

FACT: I have been a loyal Globe postpaid subscriber for the past 12 years.

FACT: Globe’s customer service sucks BIG TIME. Read this.

FACT: Globe once gave me a second hand mobile phone under their loyalty rewards program.

FACT: Globe failed to deliver my iPhone 3G because they don’t know where the US Embassy is located.

FACT: I don’t recall any Globe mishap with my iPhone 3GS. But I had that phone for only a very short period of time.

FACT: I waited for almost 6 hours in Globe Park Square 1 to get my iPhone 4.

FACT: For the iPhone 4S, Globe gave me 2 claim stubs - both for the same day but different pickup centers. When I called their hotline, they couldn’t confirm which claim stub was valid.

FACT: Globe has already introduced 4G technology when it hasn’t even addressed several 3G loopholes.

FACT: Globe gave me a claim stub for the iPhone 5 in a mall in Davao.

FACT: Globe's 4G LTE signal is intermittent.

FACT: Globe SM Makati said activation of my nano sim would take 1-2 days. Globe Hotline said it would only take 1-2 hours. After 2 days, still no signal. Called hotline again. Was advised activation still being processed by Globe SM Makati and that I should give it another 24-28 hours. Went to Globe MOA. They said Globe SM Makati never initiated activation of my nano sim.

FACT: Due to long queues in Globe (which is ALWAYS the case), I missed last night’s episode of Marian’s top-rating show Temptation Of Wife.

FICTION: I love Globe.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013


What's the big deal?

Marriage is just legalized sex.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

The Beautiful People

Good looking people need not have any talent. 

When your face becomes the only saving grace, that's all you really need to survive.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Mr. Wrong

This one's for the lovely ladies.

Wanna get married?

Try dating Raft3r.

As past relationships would dictate, going out with me is almost a surefire way to get hitched.

When your hook up with Raft3r wanes, your next boyfriend would be THE ONE. You were so burned out by me that you'll channel all your energy in catching the right guy.

Two or three exes could attest to this. (Marriage bliss is not a guarantee, though.)

So ladies if you're looking for Mr. Right, you have to go through Raft3r first.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013


With blogging out of the way by the 19th, Raft3r plans to do the following:

- Watch Titanic every April 14;
- Pursue further studies;
- Eat more fruits and veggies;
- Start playing tennis again;
- Consider a career with Globe;
- Bring back my rocking body;
- Get married; and
- Throw up after reading previous statement.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

If I Ever Lose My Faith In You

Raft3r always breaks the rules. ALWAYS. 

So when I initially planned to feature 12 guest bloggers, kinda knew (right off the bat) that wouldn't be the final number.

13 seems more fitting.

To end this month long fest is Atticus.

I wouldn't dare say anything more about her besides the fact that I love her dearly.

Takot akong mabatukan nya, eh.


There are divine designs we dare not question.

One of them is why Raft3r wasn’t born my little brother.

Reading his blog entries through the years, I’ve come to consider him my little brother. If you read my comments on his posts, you’ll realize that I treat him as such.

There are times I want simply want to choke him. Or eat ice cream and not give him any till he goes running to momma.

Oh, there were times he made me think: so this is how kids view society, relationships, women, and sex.

For the sex part, I almost always want to strangle him. Kiri! Malandi! Haliparot!

As I told you, there are divine designs we should not question and one of them is why Raft3r wasn’t born my little brother. It is unfathomable why a man his age would want to call Janet Jackson his “wifey,” memorizing all her songs and even making their lyrics reference points to how he sees the world. Janet was born in 1966. Raft3r, by his posts, was born not too long ago. Maybe yesterday. Oedipus much?

Kidding aside, this kid manages to make Malibay seem habitable and fun. Whenever I drive near the area, I snicker at the thought of how Raft3r pictures where he lives.

I call the avenue where I live The Street With No Soul but I don’t want to digress. This piece isn’t about me, it’s about the young man who should thank his lucky stars I am not his big sister.

I am glad I wasn’t around after he single-handedly “arrested” the shameless man who stole his car. Then there’d be an amusing headline story about a carjacking, a smart and heroic victim, a pissed big sister, and the near-murder of a younger brother.

And then he comes up with this galactically moronic idea of shutting down his blog. If he’s a few feet away from me right now, he’d have no hearing to accompany him in his old age.

Again, there are divine designs we should not dare question, and one of them is why Raft3r wasn’t born my younger brother.

It’s to allow a free-spirited guy wreak havoc to the world as he sees fit with a smile (fine, with a sneer most of the time), minus the nagging of a big sister who wants him to behave according to her wishes.

There’s wisdom there.


Tuesday, December 25, 2012

It's Christmas

To say Musang is my favorite blogger friend would be an understatement.

Despite the fact that Raft3r and Musang have not met in person (yet), they appear to be kindred spirits.

Musang is (almost) like the female counterpart of Raft3r.

FYI: that is not a compliment.


I really don’t know what I’m doing here. Do you know what you’re doing here aside from putting up with Denoy’s rants, debts, diet problems, and hedonism? It’s incredible how much we put up with him really but it seems it can’t be helped. He’s one of my first blog friends in all my almost five years but I support him all the way in retiring The Deadbeat Club. Smite me, but the world may be better with a little less of Marian.

Yes, I said it. Go ahead, roll your eyes.

But every once in awhile, there are some things Denoy comes up that I approve of, such as:

1. Doing permanent stupid things because you’re temporarily upset is sometimes worth it.

2. Flirting goes a long way.

3. Gadgets and blu-rays help to fill the void that is your love life.

4. A relationship with your credit card still counts as a relationship.

5. Being a hedonist has its perks.

6. Getting broke over a good date or a vacation is worth it.

7. Age is just a number and relationship status are just letters mixed together.

8. All good things come to an end.

Whatever. I’m still not joining Twitter to follow you.

And Merry Christmas everybody!


Sunday, December 23, 2012

Choose Your Own Adventure

Filipino is such a prolific language. Kaya mahirap magsulat gamit ang wikang ito. This is probably why Raft3r's posts are written in English.

Si Bulakbolero magaling magsulat, lalo na sa wikang Filipino. Iba talaga ang dating kapag sariling wika ang gamit. Mas malalim. Mas may dating. Mas astig. 

Yan din si Bulakbolero.


Sa tingin ko ang pinakamahirap sa buhay ay ‘yung pagpili. Pagpili ng mga gusto natin... Pagpili ng tao na gusto nating makasama panghabang buhay, pagpili ng mga bagay na gusto nating makuha at pagpili ng kung san tayo magiging maligaya. Kung laro lang siguro ang buhay, madami nang game over. Madami ng sumuko.

Para lang din kasi yang regalong matatanggap mo sa exchange gift. May wish list ka na, alam mo na yung gusto mo. Pagdating ng takdang panahon na bigayan na ng regalo saka darating yung pagsubok.

1) Posibleng hindi ang gusto mo yung ibibigay sa’yo.

2) Natanggap mo yung pinagdarasal mo, pero nung nasa’yo na di mo pala sya trip. Di ka kunteto. Iba ang pakiramdam pag hawak mo na.

3) Sobrang saya mo na nakuha mo yung regalo na hiling mo, pero biglang may umagaw (bad santa/white elephant pala ang labanan)

Ganyan talaga ang buhay. Uncertain. Walang kasiguraduhan. Wala kang clue kung anong makukuha mo. Kung ano mangyayari next. Ang mahalaga lang naman talaga sa bandang huli. Kung ano yung magiging hakbang mo sa susunod na kabanata.

Kung tatagal ka ba?