Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Made For TV Movie

A 35 year old man being accompanied by his mother to a doctor's appointment is just plain embarrassing.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

I'm Ready

A recent medical scare got me to thinking about death.

I have always been an optimist. But this time, I wanted to look at the worst case scenario.

In case the lumps found on my neck would turn out to be fatal, I was ready to accept my fate.

I was ready to die.

I felt I have accomplished something during my lifetime.

I have been everywhere. (Although, I still wanna go to Europe and visit friends in Australia. But I digress.)

I do not have a family of my own. I have no kids (that I know of). Therefore, I need not worry that they will be fatherless.

So if worst comes to worst, Raft3r is ready.

Besides, death extinguishes debt.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Dear Mr. President

Your Excellency,

Now that you found a scapegoat in everyone's favorite bitch, may we know what your next move is?

Time to grow some balls, perhaps?

Saturday, July 16, 2011

The Waiting Game

What would you do if you were made to wait for almost 10 hours and there was no movie house in sight?

Let Raft3r demonstrate:

Get a haircut.

Have a massage.

Stretch your lunch to 3 hours.

Do your grocery shopping.

Have dessert.

Window shop in every store.

Read a book.

Buy a small bottled water and hang out in Starbucks for another three hours.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Temptation Island

Lessons from Marian Rivera's latest hit movie:

1. Never take life seriously;

2. Putting five scantily clad gorgeous girls in one movie guarantees a box office bonanza;

3. It's a dog eat dog world;

4. Love does not discriminate;

5. A man in red underwear is a sight for sore eyes;

6. Cannibalism is best partnered with singing; and

7. When all else fails, dance.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Oops!...I Did It Again

I haven't updated my list in a long time.

Here's a rundown of Raft3r’s “100 Things To Do Before I Die:”

1. Get out of Baltimore alive.
2. Skydive.
3. Get married in Boracay.
4. Purchase a condo, preferably near work.
5. Switch to Blu-ray.
6. Be interviewed on TV.
7. Write a book. I can’t help but laugh at the idea.
8. Have kids. Twins would be awesome. Cute ones, please.
9. Take life more seriously.
10. Watch my nieces get married.
11. Have an encounter with Martina Hingis.
12. Be in a movie. I can act.
13. Play tennis with Patrick Rafter.
14. Be debt free.
15. Work for the United Nations.
16. Catch the US Open live.
17. Stop procrastinating.
18. Have 7 girlfriends at the same time.
19. Lie consistently.
20. Dress appropriately for my age.
21. Own an island in Palawan.
22. Practice yoga.
23. Take mom to Europe.
24. Stop annoying my next door neighbor.
25. Visit M&M in Australia.
26. Be invited to an orgy.
27. Lose weight.
28. Adopt a chow chow.
29. Learn to play a musical instrument.
30. Be allergy free.
31. Live in New York.
32. Become a vegetarian.
33. Learn to love enemies.
34. Be the voice of my generation.
35. Stop plotting my revenge on high school bullies.
36. Blog more.
37. Run naked in a very public place.
38. Be responsible.
39. Search for the perfect smoothie.
40. Wake up early.
41. Drive responsibly.
42. Be abducted by aliens.
43. Eat sensibly.
44. Get mobbed by fans.
45. Buy my nieces a pony.
46. Finally tell my folks about the Picanto.
47. Become a sports commentator for Wimbledon.
48. Stop complaining.
49. Pray more.
50. Learn to commit.
51. Be practical.
52. Send apology letters to all my exes.
53. Meet Jodie Foster.
54. Go to Graceland.
55. Invent something.
56. Visit Batanes.
57. Get certified for diving.
58. Sex on the beach.
59. Have my teeth whitened.
60. Buy a MacBook.
61. A dinner party with Hannibal Lecter, Dana Scully, and Stewie from Family Guy.
62. Have a Google page ranking of 10 for The Deadbeat Club.
63. A vacation in Tokyo.
64. Learn to ski.
65. Have Hugh Hefner’s lifestyle when I turn 50.
66. Stash more cash in the bank.
67. Learn to say no.
68. Complete the Janet Jackson music catalogue. She’s HOT!
69. Buy stocks and bonds.
70. Start jogging.
71. Become a rock star.
72. Get paid to talk.
73. Eat at IHOP everyday.
74. Sleep all day.
75. A rest house in Tagaytay.
76. Make my country proud.
77. Witness a Marian apparition.
78. A picnic at Central Park with the entire Friends gang.
79. Run a marathon.
80. Engage in charity work.
81. Learn to surf.
82. Curse more.
83. Inspire others.
84. Put up a rehab center for DVD addicts.
85. Have breakfast in bed with Angelina Jolie.
86. Be a ball boy at the Aussie Open.
87. Persuade Denise Richards to give up acting.
88. Grow a full beard.
89. Pick up a new language.
90. Read more.
91. Spend less.
92. Recycle.
93. Start answering my phone calls.
94. Get rid of negativity.
95. Stop making up stories just to make my life more interesting.
96. Hold a giant anaconda. That’s no gay talk.
97. Take a trip to Africa.
98. Learn something from this 11 week training in Maryland.
99. Know how to change tires.
100. Be funny as hell.

A Change Would Do You Good

Raft3r sold his six month old iPad in exchange for this...

Meet my new baby. Isn't she pretty?

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

The Lady Is A Vamp

Girls can be so defensive, especially when asking a guy out on a date.

Want proof?

Read on.

Scenario 1

Girl: "Raft3r, let's go out for coffee."

Raft3r: "Ok."

Girl: "It's not a date. Ok? We're just having coffee."

Raft3r: "Whatever you say."

Scenario 2

Girl: "Let's go to Tagaytay. Overnight."

Raft3r: "Just the two of us?"

Girl: "Yeah. Hwag ka nga feeling. Dalawa kwarto sa bahay. (Don't be too sure of yourself. There are two rooms in the house.)"

Sunday, July 3, 2011

If It Makes You Happy

Why do we put such a high premium on happiness?

You often hear people say, "As long as you're happy..."

But being happy does not necessarily mean you are doing the right thing.

Happiness does not normally equate to righteousness.

Take Raft3r for instance.

He is always happy but never right.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Lick It

Watching a 60 year old lady eat a hotdog on a stick and seeing her lick it is just plain disgusting.