Saturday, February 28, 2009

Hole In My Heart (All The Way To China)

With the Hong Kong trip finally over, credit card payments are fast approaching.

Oh, man. I don’t even want to think about how much I spent on that trip.

But the kids had a grand time. That was the objective anyway.

Raft3r is your typical stupid tourist who only speaks English and refuses to learn the local language.

As soon as I stepped out of the plane, I knew I was in trouble.

Local folks have fear in their eyes when you talk to them in English. They get fidgety and answer in such a fast manner that they almost spit on you.

There is so much to love about Hong Kong.

Food is on the top of the list.

Yes, Raft3r eats octopus. Tastes just like chicken.

Public transportation in Hong Kong is awesome. It’s quick, convenient, and safe.

Here’s hoping the Philippine government can provide the same kind of transport service. A boy can dream, right?

February is the coldest month in Hong Kong. There is something sexy about women in winter clothes.

Even my nieces wore ear muffs. They got complimented a lot in Disneyland. Raft3r played the proud uncle.

While good genes run in the family, Raft3r might just be the odd man out.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Greatest X

Everyone has a story of the one who got away.

Here is mine.

Raft3r met her through a blind date. 

At first glance, she appeared to be the typical kolehiyala – snobbish, gorgeous, stylish, and high maintenance. That was the attraction.

We got along great. We liked the same things. 

We were both horror movie fanatics. Isn’t that romantic?

On my birthday, I got the biggest surprise of my life.

Raft3r received a phone call from her.

Although we were dating, she never bothered to ask for my home number. So to receive a call from her was like an orgasm multiplied a hundred times over.

Raft3r asked how she got my number.

She said she looked through the phone book and called everyone listed under my last name. Our number was not even published in the directory.

She spoke with one of my uncles and introduced herself. He then gave her my number. I blushed.

Flattery is such a wonderful birthday present.

A few days later, Rafter stopped pursuing her. What’s the point? I already knew she liked me. It was time for a new challenge.

I know. You don't have to tell me. I'm a coward.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Hate That I Love You

The Rihanna-Chris Brown lover’s quarrel has been hogging the headlines for quite sometime now.

It was only a couple of months back when these two love birds sang their hearts out in Manila.

Just recently, a picture of a heavily bruised Rihanna surfaced all over the net. It was pretty disturbing.

Raft3r is not a big fan of physical abuse towards women.

I do not understand how some chicks can take a beating from the men they love. When a guy turns Manny Pacquiao on you, take that as a clear indication that something is definitely wrong with your relationship.

Take the hint and dump the bastard.

As for those so-called macho women bashers, I have only this to say: Picking a fight with a girl is very unmanly.

That doesn't sound too macho now, right?

Thursday, February 19, 2009

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days

Day 1: Talk about your ex.

Day 2: Make him wait for at least three hours.

Day 3: Call him every five minutes.

Day 4: Introduce him to the family.

Day 5: Hint about getting married.

Day 6: Start nagging.

Day 7: Pretend you’re pregnant.

Day 8: Watch a Julia Roberts movie marathon with him.

Day 9: Bond with his mother.

Day 10: Hold the sex.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

My Funny Valentine

This would not come as a surprise: Raft3r is not big on Valentine celebrations.

I just amazes me how commercialized this whole occasion is. 

Blame it on Hallmark. While we’re at it, let’s include the flower and chocolate industries, as well.

Now don’t get me wrong. Raft3r is one romantic kid. I just don’t like being ripped off.

Love does not involve money. Spending a thousand bucks on roses for one day is ludicrous. But that’s just me.

Raft3r prefers not to go out on Valentines, too. Roads are clogged. Restaurants are filled to the brim. Motels are booked like crazy. It’s insane.

One memorable Valentine date comes to mind, though.

Since I prefer not to go out on the 14th, an ex insisted she’ll make it worth my while. Who could say no to such an irresistible offer? I said yes.

Raft3r came to pick her up after work. She gave directions as to where to go. As I parked the car, she said: “I’ll take you to a place you have never been to.”

I felt my knees weaken. Raft3r immediately made a mental note if he brought protection. I was good.

She took me by the hand and led me to a dark narrow alley. My heart was racing.

As we turned the corner, the surprise was waiting. She took me to a turo-turo (eatery).

Raft3r had kaldereta (beef stew). She had dinuguan (pork blood stew). The free soup was excellent. She paid for dinner.

Although the date did not actually fulfill any of my sexual fantasies, the ex definitely scored points for originality.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Someone To Watch Over Me

If Jodie Foster had an obsessed male fan by the name of John Hickley, Raft3r had a female stacker who shall remain nameless.

During my college internship, I met a pretty girl at the office where I worked temporarily.

Cute and all, Raft3r flirted with her. We started dating and an office romance blossomed.

When things started to get serious, I bailed out. 

All I was looking for was a summer fling. She wanted a commitment. That’s when the whole trouble started.

I stopped seeing her. On my end, all means of communication were cut. But she did not take no for an answer.

She would call my house and demand I speak with her. One conversation stood out the most. She wanted a strand of my hair for some voodoo bullshit.

She befriended my classmates and even dated some of them just to get back at me. She would make sure that my classmates would tell me that they dated her. I thought that was funny.

This went on for years.

When I went to law school, I thought it would be over. Wrong.

I ran into this guy who introduced himself as her boyfriend. The following day she called. Just to make a point, she requested her new boyfriend to enroll in my law school.

Raft3r knows how young love can make one do stupid and shallow things. 

After all, I was once a fool in love. But she definitely took top honors.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Sleep All Day

If you have been reading this blog on a regular basis, you would probably surmise that I have this ongoing love affair with sleep.

Sleeping is fun.

Name any other activity that can compare to the satisfaction sleep provides. Wait. Hold your thoughts. Sex is not included. Naughty, naughty.

A good rest does a body well. It relaxes the mind and soothes the spirit.

Sleep is also a great escape. Whenever I feel down, I simply sleep it off. It’s definitely cheaper than going to the bar and drinking.

But the best part of sleeping is waking up, specially if you wake up next to someone you actually like.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

He's Just Not That Into You

Listen up, single ladies.

You want honesty? You got it.

Here are the basic rules to finding out if a guy is not really interested in you:

1. He never calls.

2. He never keeps his promises.

3. He never means what he says.

4. He never replies to your text messages.

5. He never shows interest in what you do.

6. He always makes excuses.

7. He always has something more important to do.

8. He always says he’s busy.

9. He always on the prowl for the next conquest.

10. He always says no.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

The Truth About Cats And Dogs

When I was a kid, a stray cat attacked my mom. She was scratched like crazy by the feline.

Retribution was in order.

No one hurts my mother and gets away with it. So a much younger and thinner Raft3r, armed with a baseball bat, went to the backyard in search of the cat.

I tried a swing at the pussy and it reacted violently. The bitch jumped straight to my face and scratched my eye.

Since then Raft3r consciously became a dog lover.

Ever since I could remember, my family always owned a dog. We currently have Oreo, a (mixed) Maltese and Freeway, a Pomeranian.

We used to have mongrels and champion breed golden retrievers. Sugar was my favorite. She was smart and sweet. We did everything together.

Raft3r doesn’t cry over heartbreaks. But when Sugar died, I cried buckets of tears.

I was a wreck.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want

Everyone has a collection of some sort, right?

Raft3r’s mom collects refrigerator magnets. My best buddy collects action figures. A dear aunt has a wide array of capo-di-monte. My two cute as a button nieces have a roomful of Crocs.

Some collections are a little bit on the strange side.

The brother of an officemate used to have a wall collection of his booger. I guess Chloe Sullivan’s Wall of Weird has finally met its match.

Raft3r, meanwhile, has a vast collection of DVDs and CDs.

It’s a virtual who’s who in the entertainment business. 

Back in the day, I had cassette and VHS tapes.

Name it, I probably have it. Probably is the operative term.

Risky Business was the first DVD I ever bought. That was Tom Cruise prior to all the coach jumping and Scientology fiasco.

Appropriately, janet. was Raft3r’s first CD. She’s HOT.

It’s an addiction, I must confess.

It has become such a huge collection that if we compute the total amount spent on these items I would probably be on my way to a wealthy retirement.

That’s the beauty of any collection. Money always takes a back seat.

Raft3r used to have a book collection, as well. They are now neatly stashed away in the attic. My brain simply refuses to exercise.

Post script: As of last count, Raft3r has 618 DVDs and 494 CDs.