Thursday, December 27, 2012

If I Ever Lose My Faith In You

Raft3r always breaks the rules. ALWAYS. 

So when I initially planned to feature 12 guest bloggers, kinda knew (right off the bat) that wouldn't be the final number.

13 seems more fitting.

To end this month long fest is Atticus.

I wouldn't dare say anything more about her besides the fact that I love her dearly.

Takot akong mabatukan nya, eh.

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There are divine designs we dare not question.

One of them is why Raft3r wasn’t born my little brother.

Reading his blog entries through the years, I’ve come to consider him my little brother. If you read my comments on his posts, you’ll realize that I treat him as such.

There are times I want simply want to choke him. Or eat ice cream and not give him any till he goes running to momma.

Oh, there were times he made me think: so this is how kids view society, relationships, women, and sex.

For the sex part, I almost always want to strangle him. Kiri! Malandi! Haliparot!

As I told you, there are divine designs we should not question and one of them is why Raft3r wasn’t born my little brother. It is unfathomable why a man his age would want to call Janet Jackson his “wifey,” memorizing all her songs and even making their lyrics reference points to how he sees the world. Janet was born in 1966. Raft3r, by his posts, was born not too long ago. Maybe yesterday. Oedipus much?

Kidding aside, this kid manages to make Malibay seem habitable and fun. Whenever I drive near the area, I snicker at the thought of how Raft3r pictures where he lives.

I call the avenue where I live The Street With No Soul but I don’t want to digress. This piece isn’t about me, it’s about the young man who should thank his lucky stars I am not his big sister.

I am glad I wasn’t around after he single-handedly “arrested” the shameless man who stole his car. Then there’d be an amusing headline story about a carjacking, a smart and heroic victim, a pissed big sister, and the near-murder of a younger brother.

And then he comes up with this galactically moronic idea of shutting down his blog. If he’s a few feet away from me right now, he’d have no hearing to accompany him in his old age.

Again, there are divine designs we should not dare question, and one of them is why Raft3r wasn’t born my younger brother.

It’s to allow a free-spirited guy wreak havoc to the world as he sees fit with a smile (fine, with a sneer most of the time), minus the nagging of a big sister who wants him to behave according to her wishes.

There’s wisdom there.

Atticus

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

It's Christmas

To say Musang is my favorite blogger friend would be an understatement.

Despite the fact that Raft3r and Musang have not met in person (yet), they appear to be kindred spirits.

Musang is (almost) like the female counterpart of Raft3r.

FYI: that is not a compliment.

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I really don’t know what I’m doing here. Do you know what you’re doing here aside from putting up with Denoy’s rants, debts, diet problems, and hedonism? It’s incredible how much we put up with him really but it seems it can’t be helped. He’s one of my first blog friends in all my almost five years but I support him all the way in retiring The Deadbeat Club. Smite me, but the world may be better with a little less of Marian.

Yes, I said it. Go ahead, roll your eyes.

But every once in awhile, there are some things Denoy comes up that I approve of, such as:

1. Doing permanent stupid things because you’re temporarily upset is sometimes worth it.

2. Flirting goes a long way.

3. Gadgets and blu-rays help to fill the void that is your love life.

4. A relationship with your credit card still counts as a relationship.

5. Being a hedonist has its perks.

6. Getting broke over a good date or a vacation is worth it.

7. Age is just a number and relationship status are just letters mixed together.

8. All good things come to an end.

Whatever. I’m still not joining Twitter to follow you.

And Merry Christmas everybody!

Musang

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Choose Your Own Adventure

Filipino is such a prolific language. Kaya mahirap magsulat gamit ang wikang ito. This is probably why Raft3r's posts are written in English.

Si Bulakbolero magaling magsulat, lalo na sa wikang Filipino. Iba talaga ang dating kapag sariling wika ang gamit. Mas malalim. Mas may dating. Mas astig. 

Yan din si Bulakbolero.

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Sa tingin ko ang pinakamahirap sa buhay ay ‘yung pagpili. Pagpili ng mga gusto natin... Pagpili ng tao na gusto nating makasama panghabang buhay, pagpili ng mga bagay na gusto nating makuha at pagpili ng kung san tayo magiging maligaya. Kung laro lang siguro ang buhay, madami nang game over. Madami ng sumuko.

Para lang din kasi yang regalong matatanggap mo sa exchange gift. May wish list ka na, alam mo na yung gusto mo. Pagdating ng takdang panahon na bigayan na ng regalo saka darating yung pagsubok.

1) Posibleng hindi ang gusto mo yung ibibigay sa’yo.

2) Natanggap mo yung pinagdarasal mo, pero nung nasa’yo na di mo pala sya trip. Di ka kunteto. Iba ang pakiramdam pag hawak mo na.

3) Sobrang saya mo na nakuha mo yung regalo na hiling mo, pero biglang may umagaw (bad santa/white elephant pala ang labanan)

Ganyan talaga ang buhay. Uncertain. Walang kasiguraduhan. Wala kang clue kung anong makukuha mo. Kung ano mangyayari next. Ang mahalaga lang naman talaga sa bandang huli. Kung ano yung magiging hakbang mo sa susunod na kabanata.

Kung tatagal ka ba?

Bulakbolero

Friday, December 21, 2012

Before Sunset

I fondly call her Chief.

To the rest of the world, she's known as Len. But for Raft3r, she will always be Chief. 

She's an outstanding writer. I have this uneasy feeling that when Chief's reads my posts, she's edits them as well. Scary, huh?

Needless to say, Chief's a pro. No doubt about that.

----------

I am guilty of watching certain films over and over again that I sometimes find myself uttering the dialogues along with the actor. Comfort films I call it.

Recently, I watched Before Sunrise and Before Sunset for the nth time starring Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy. It’s a story about two strangers whose lives were thrown together after they met on a train in Europe.

“I think when you’re young you just believe that there’ll be many people you’ll connect with. Later in life you’ll realize it only happens a few times,” is one of my favorite lines from the movie.

And so I realized that this one’s quite parallel with blogging and its readers – that we are all strangers who manage to know bits and pieces about one another and somehow feel connected.

I came to know about Raft3r’s The Deadbeat Club when my former office mate Tonetski, who happens to be his grade school friend, begged us to post a comment because Rafter’s incessantly asking her to promote it. Out of pity, I hopped into his blog and there goes the five-year blog affair.

For years, I read The Deadbeat Club and discovered Raft3r’s love for Janet Jackson, his collection of CDs and his current obsession for Blu-ray discs, how he adores his nieces and how they think he looks like Joe Jonas, his sarcasm, his dislike for Miss Starlet, his stand on dating and relationships, his ability to poke fun at himself (hello, butt!) and how he uses movie and song titles as his blog post titles.

And Raft3r is probably the only blogger I know who writes a one-liner and can pass it up as a blog post and still able to elicit a number of comments. He must have confused blogging from tweeting. Peace!

Through The Deadbeat Club, I was also able to discover a few other blogs: how The Scud loves books and films and traveling, how I admire Prinsesa Musang’s manner of writing and how I was able to support her notebook project, Atticus’ insights and Gillboard’s candidness. That though I don’t post comments, I make sure to read each blog when time permits me to.

It’s funny how I may have bumped into these bloggers and not know it’s them yet every time I’m stressed at work I while away by reading their blogs and find comfort in words they have coherently written; that for every blog post they also give a piece of themselves.

So if I have what I call comfort films, I also do have comfort blogs and The Deadbeat Club is one of those.

The thing is that Raft3r told me to write anything that is close to my heart so I thought of using this to tell him to keep on blogging but if I can’t persuade him maybe he should just go throw us a party for being loyal readers. Who’s with me?

Len

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Promises, Promises

Keep it short and simple, I say.

Ahmer does it quick and painless.

His posts are short just like Raft3r's. But unlike the latter, Ahmer's blog posts are thought provoking and profound.

Now that's something I never aspired for in my almost 5 years of blogging.

----------

promises are meant to be broken -not this time.

I cannot turn down someone like Raft3r whom I admire most

Why?

his blog serve on it full of value content but short.

The Deadbeat Club is synonymous with sarcasm.

his admiration seems more likely loyalty than an obsession.

Raft3r has a mean streak, barely entertaining.

his witty remarks kept me awake and smiling.

for his approach to life and his positive outlook.

he is always in love.

plus, we have 3 things in common:

sexy killer smile,
good-looking handsome guy,
above all we both have a bubble butt.

apir!

Ahmer

Monday, December 17, 2012

Friends

Tina's the first blogger I met in person.

Raft3r's not a big fan of meetups but my encounter with Tina has changed all that. She was simply charming.

In fact, a wonderful friendship has flourished due to that meeting in Davao. 

Also, Tina's a fighter and a dreamer. A rare combo. And that's what I really love about her.

----------

When Denoy asked me to guest blog here in Malibay, which to my dismay would say bye bye sometime this January (he says and I hope won't really happen!). I was honored but at the same time sad because I've been a follower of his blog for years back (although, I don't comment as often as I do before).

Complete opposites, Denoy is known as someone who comes up with good conversation openers on his blog which usually contains a few lines or a paragraph or some list while, I on the other hand loves to write like an essay. I am bemused how Denoy can actually spend time (or skip some lines, which I read somewhere on his blog) reading what I actually post. Hehe.

Even now, this is just an introduction and it took me a couple of words.. to get to the point, which is a simple story about: Meeting Denoy!!

I actually got the chance to hang out with Denoy back in 2010, here in my hometown, Davao. He texted something, asking about a good place to eat during his stay.... and Davao is famed for it's cheap and yummy restaurants (some of them in unusual places). And he was game enough to try the places I suggested.

For some reason he cannot leave his hotel that time, so I met up with him and his 2 colleagues and I tagged along 2 of my friends too! It was a happy bunch. We got into a good get-to-know light conversations right away!

I find Denoy warm and friendly! and we'd often talk about Musang (PM!!), whom I did not get to meet pa, but we often find ourselves texting, messages over at FB and of course commenting on each other's blog posts. Siguro one day, we'd arrange a meet-up point somewhere in Pinas noh? Right, PM and Denoy? :)

Anyway, the next day, before leaving, they hit off Magsaysay Park where you can find all sorts of fruits, and his colleagues tried almost everything..... and I know Denoy did not get to eat Marang and keeps insisting how icky it looks like!!! *hint hint*

Well, that's all for now, I know Denoy suggested for me to talk about angels... love and miracles... but, I feel.... this is something... I need to share.

Being a friend of Denoy... and hanging out with him. I'm blessed to have him as a friend.  


But, I still have to make him eat marang though, when he's back in town...... maybe during Kadayawan? :P

Love, laughter and magical kisses, 

Tina

P.S. Thanks for allowing me to leave a mark on your famed blog Denoy! =) Honored & giddy.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Love Is A Losing Game

Gillboard is an assassin.

Yes, this 30 year old boy undoubtedly wants to murder Raft3r's street cred. 

Without any hesistation, The Deadbeat Club presents Gillboard's character assassination of Raft3r.

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When you have the outlook on relationships as what Raft3r has, one would wonder how it came to be.

Did someone utterly destroy his heart once? Was he bullied a lot by girls when he was a kid? Did he grow up watching too much GMA teleseryes? Is it all just an act so he’ll be an infamous blogger? Was he born without a heart? Or is he secretly gay?

It could be one, or it could be all of it. Or maybe, deep inside he knows that until you find the one, everything else about relationships… about love… sucks.

Gillboard

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

From Zero To Nothing

Finally, a blog post not entirely devoted to Raft3r.

Whatta breath of fresh air.

Of course, Yummy Friend is not capable of talking about anyone besides herself.

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I learned how to have very low expectations of everything and everyone. I guess it's working well. It's a better-working buffer.

Anyway, my very latest attempt to step out of my comfort zone is still in the air. I applied for a job within my organization, and unlike before, I am keeping my expectations to a minimum. I do not want to be too confident even though sometimes I feel I have the right to feel that way. Some say it is an anti-thesis of wanting something so bad, you have to claim it. I subscribe to that on some level but really, my most prominent philosophy is if it's yours, it's yours, and everything will fall into place.

Next month I will mark my first decade in this job. My very first. I can say that everything I know about management (and other sh*t) I learned here, because really, I have not been elsewhere. I was once advised to try applying for jobs every two years to test my market value. So far, I've done it twice this year, and I wasn't fit for either. It's a little disappointing but I'm okay. Well, I'm not like someone I know who agency-hops and has a 100% success rate with every job application. (Lucky bastard, you. LOL. I love you!)

It will be hypocritical to say it's entirely okay if I don't get the job. Of course, I will feel bad. It's something close to my heart. Books and libraries are two key characters of the job so what's not to want, right? But anyway, if and when I get short-listed, I will do my best and let's take it from there. Frankly, when I pray to God, not just for this, but for all other things I want, I always tell HIM to will what's best for me. They say you have to be specific in asking HIM for what you want, but really, God's "specific" plan for me will always be way way better. Smile if you agree!

My deputy confessed, after much hesitation, that she prayed for me, but in a way that "bargains" with God not to let me get the job if I'm not a real fit. I laughed. Well, her reason was personal--- because she doesn't want me to leave. I told her not to worry because, as I said, zero to nothing expectation, right? Let's not get our hopes too high.

At any rate, here's to waiting if I will be in a new job in 2013. If not, I can always find other things to do...and other job vacancies to ram myself in.

Judie

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Shot Of Laughter

If ever I would have blog envy that would definitely be for Eskapo.

The man behind this amazing travel blog is Dong Ho.

I have taken great trips in the past five years but Dong’s adventures are really something else.

For one, he focuses on domestic travels. It is truly admirable to be able to promote local tourism and have tons of fun in the process.

Oh, did I mention Dong takes awesome photos? Visit his blog and see for yourself.

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I've never met Dennis yet. There's this funny feeling that I don't believe that the person behind blogs and online forums exist, who you just communicate online, until I meet him/her in person.

But out of the five years that we have been connected through the world wide web, if I am to describe Dennis, he is a person who loves Janet Jackson, has a Calvin Klein kikay kit and lives in Malibay. We know him as Raft3r over his real identity Dennis.

Years back, when I started to document my travels online. It was also the same year when I got connected with Raft3r through the small and thriving blogging community. Those times, where the way you count the number of readers was through the number of comments in your blog posts. No matter what you say, it was just a way of saying that we're reading your blog. And the way to acknowledge it was to visit their blogs in return. So the same people on that network would blog hop each other’s blogs.

Among Raft3r's most memorable posts apart from Janet, Calvin and Malibay, we will never forget the posts about his lost car. It came to the point that I actually thought I had the chance to ride it. From emotional to annoying police conversation and even the funny experience with his father's car (if I remember it right).

Other things I'll never forget:

The trauma of missing something after the trip.

He is a lechon connoisseur. After tasting the lechon in Tacloban.

Believes curry is everywhere in Kuala Lumpur.

That changing a planned trip from Baguio to Bohol will be similar because they both start with "B."

And the epic Lost and Found post.

We will miss this blog. And until it remains online, we will know you as Raft3r more than Dennis.

Here to cheer,

Dong Ho

Friday, December 7, 2012

Just My Imagination

Kung may dadaig man sa kakulitan ni Raft3r ay walang iba yon kundi si Hitokirihoshi Kawaii.

Kitam.

Pangalan palang nya pasaway na sa haba!

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Hitokirihoshi is not a fan of Ally McBeal 

Pero narinig ko sa isang scriptwriter na mahilig siyang mag-imagine 

Kaya naka-relate ako sa hitad 

Hitokirihoshi watched Where The Wild Things Are Kasi wala lang… pero 

Nasakyan ko ang trip ng bata

Hitokirihoshi likes fantasy films but not Sucker Punch

Pero nagagawa ko ata ang chuba ng loka-loka

Hitokirihoshi is an avid reader of The Deadbeat Club 

At nagpapauto kay Raft3r

Kasi nai-imagine ko ‘yong nai-imagine n'ya

Farang lang...nyahahaha

Hoshi

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

10

Visual Velocity is probably one of Raft3r's oldest online buddies.

He's been hanging out in The Deadbeat Club since Year One.

Not only is Visual Velocity a movie expert, he is also a connoisseur of the arts and everything fancy.

Yes, the man has class. In short, he is Raft3r's exact opposite.

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10 Things We Love About Denoy

1. He writes witty, bite-size blog posts. They're perfect for people on the go.

2. He's loaded. Check out his DVD collection.

3. He's very loyal. He's still a Janet Jackson fan long after the latter's career went down hill.

4. He's very techie. Apple loves him very much.

5. He may forgive, but he never forgets. It's been 10 years since a starlet from the Kapuso channel jump shipped to its rival channel. He hasn't forgiven her.

6. He's honest (a.k.a. tactless). He'll say what he feels like saying.

7. He's never sentimental. The only time he got emotional was when his car got stolen.

8. He'll always be the poster boy of anti-piracy. Bootlegs make him cringe.

9. He's the perpetual bachelor. He won't be contributing to the world's overpopulation problem. Mother Nature is very impressed.

10. He has good taste. He likes Marian Rivera.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Take A Bow

Wendy a.k.a. Smash used to blog and she was pretty good at it. 

She's both funny and quick-witted. Traits very few humans possess. 

I wish she returns to blogging. I know many feel the same way.

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Raft3r and I became friends when I sat next to him in a class in our second year law school. I was bored out of my wits prior to that class. When he and I became seatmates, my boredom instantly disappeared. I just loved his wit and sarcasm. I also marveled at how he could be genuinely pleasant during early Saturday mornings, when most of us were grumpy at the thought of spending the whole day studying and reciting. When Raft3r told me his story of how he cut classes in college in Manila to look for an action figure toy all the way at SM Southmall in Las PiƱas, I knew I was smitten.

Raft3r and I briefly lost touch after I graduated from law school and when he focused on becoming richer. One night though, I found myself out of place among lovers at the breakwater of SM-MOA when I received a text from Raft3r informing me that he had just started a blog called Malibay, named after his notorious birthplace in Pasay. Raft3 is as unpretentious and as fun as Malibay, both the place and the blog.

My favorite of Raft3r’s blog entries, in fact, is Wouldn’t It Nice To Be Proud, in which Raft3r extolled the virtues of his much maligned barangay. It was a riot and held a punch of delightful trivias about Malibay – or Mali Bay as Raft3r fondly calls it. To my mind, that blog entry was an insight into Raft3r’s psyche: positive, non-conformist and real.

Raft3r’s blog is also my go-to repository of relationship advice from a sometimes twisted but very honest male perspective. My favorites are Single Me Out, How Stella Got Her Groove Back, and I Can’t Make You Love Me.

I know no other person who loves movies and music as much as Raft3r does. Although I never understood his fixation with Marian Rivera, I appreciate that he’s no snob when it comes to watching Filipino movies. And despite his obsession with Janet Jackson – which I also do not get – I love that he never scrimps when he’s at the CD store or when buying concert tickets to see his favorite musicians. Raft3r’s passion for fun is both amazing and contagious. 

Raft3r, thank you for generously sharing yourself with us through your blog. Malibay is the place I go to when I needed cheering up, and you never failed me in that regard. It was a great four years. Although it pains me to let your blog go, I take comfort in the knowledge that the person behind the blog lives through. 

Wendy

Saturday, December 1, 2012

The Twelve Days Of Christmas

Since Christmas is the best time to share one's blessings, Raft3r will turn over writing responsibilities to 12 of his most admired bloggers.

For each post in December, I will feature a blogger who has greatly influenced me.

First up is Raft3r's best friend.  

Ganns is a Christian writer and an awesome family man, a far cry from my shadowy image.

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You think you know a person. 

I've known Raft3r for 28 years. 

I knew him before he created one of the funniest, most insightful Filipino blogs on the Internet. I knew him before Janet became his wife. (He dated Whitney Houston. And "One Moment in Time" was their song.) I knew him before he became the sexy bitch he is today. I've known him longer than my wife. I knew him before angst, before sarcasm, before pubic hair. 

I've never known him to be an idiot. 

Idiot. (n) A mentally deficient person, or someone who acts in a self-defeating or significantly counterproductive way. (Wikipedia) 

What idiot would shut down a site that is entertaining, on-point, and, at times, brilliant? What moron would kill an endeavor that had yet to even reach its maximum potential? 

My list of idiotic morons would run long and hard, but I never thought it would include Raft3r. 

You think you know a person.  

Ganns

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Right Down The Line

After almost five years of blogging, Raft3r has learned that:

1) Posts about sex tend to be the most talked about;

2) Wifey, as a blog topic, is not that well received;

3) Readers are often amused with how short my blog posts are;

4) Some just don't get my sarcasm; and

5) My butt is a star - whether online or in real life.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

The Thing That Should Not Be

I almost finished law school.

I almost worked as a front desk officer in a five star hotel.

I almost clinched the best undergraduate thesis.

I almost lost my passport.

I almost fell in love with you.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Why Should I Cry For You?

Crying is not part of Raft3r's DNA. 

That doesn't mean that I don't have a heart. It only means you're insignificant.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

All The Right Moves

Some dating tips, Raft3r style: 

Never fight in public. 

Don't allow your partner to go through your wallet and cellphone messages. 

When apart, no monitoring of each others' exact whereabouts. 

Avoid too much public display of affection. 

No disclosure of Facebook and Twitter passwords to your significant other. 

If she doesn't swallow, she ain't worth keeping.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Easier Than Love

Call me an amateur. 

Call me a coward. 

I don't give a f@ck!

The truth is I would rather be alone than be with YOU

Is this clear enough or would you like me to spell it out?

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

The Sound Of The City

I just realized that the last two concerts I have been to were not well attended. 

Cyndi Lauper's Manila gig was poorly received. Wilson Phillips wasn't that big of a hit either. 

The Village People performs at the SMX Convention Center this weekend. 

If that show outsells Lauper and Wilson Phillips, there must be really something wrong with our local concertgoers.

Friday, November 9, 2012

The Opposite Of Sex

It's been ages since I gave up eating rice and drinking soda.

This has certainly reaped some rewards. I lost 10 pounds and my clothes seemed to fit better. 

But the battle of the bulge is (literally and figuratively) a pain in the ass. 

I regained the 10 pounds. Yes, life's a bitch. 

Most chicks don't mind my curves. Well, that's what they say to my face. 

But I'm pretty sure that they would rather see Derek Ramsay naked than be my bedfellow.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Listen

Come on. Let's get real. 

Not all problems can be solved. 

These trials are (otherwise) known as curses

US recession, anyone?

If anyone knows of a cure all, Raft3r is all ears.

Post Script: America, vote wisely.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Nothing's Real But Love

Raft3r has received a lot of flak for liking this song so much. 



Shoot me now. Please.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

I'm Still Standing

As we near the final stretch of The Deadbeat Club, Raft3r has been working double time to come up with new ways to keep his readers interested. 

Yes, I'm closing a huge chapter in my life and I'm doing it with a bang. 

Come Christmas time, expect something totally different from the single guy. It will be one surprise that everyone will surely talk about. 

Don't say I didn't warn you in advance.

Monday, October 29, 2012

TikTik: The Aswang Chronicles

With modern age comes technological advancements. 

In 2012, you can now destroy and kill an aswang (ghoul) with Boy Bawang.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Why Did I Get Married?

Just for the sake that someone would personally handle my wake and funeral, I will get married.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

Of all the young artists around, Taylor Swift has my respect. 

She's both cute and talented. 

Taylor certainly speaks her mind and is not afraid of the consequences. She is very gutsy

Unlike most men, this girl has balls. Massive ones. And they are probably even hairy.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Saints And Sinners

The Philippines is a predominantly Catholic country. Over 81.03% of the population are Roman Catholics. Yet only 2 saints are Filipinos

On the other hand, a dismal .40% of Japan's total inhabitants are Roman Catholics. But they have 27 saints

That's quite strange, huh? 

I guess there is really no strength in numbers.

Friday, October 19, 2012

I Knew You Were Trouble

We just started lying to each other. 

That confirms it. We are in a relationship.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Hold On

There are just some things you carry over from your childhood. We hold on to them for various sentimental reasons. 

When I was younger, I had a thing for Cyndi Lauper. To this day, she still has a soft spot in my heart. 

Raft3r's best friend has a 22 year (and counting) fixation with Wilson Phillips

So tell me. Who is your teenage dream? 

Wanna know my mom's? It's Chuck Norris.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

50 Ways To Say Goodbye

Why bother with 50 ways to break up with someone? 

Guys can sum this up in just one easy step. 

Want the best way to say goodbye to your lover? 

Simply disappear like a ghost. 

It's a piece of cake. Any man can teach you how to do this.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Face/Off

Raft3r has a million look-alikes. 

It appears that my face has launched a thousand bills in the Senate, sold numerous Cornetto ice cream cones, and appeared in several Bong Revilla movies

And yes, the comparisons can be quite annoying. 

Who would want to be compared to a legislator, a commercial model, and an actor? Well, not me. No frigging way. 

A few days ago, I had my picture taken for an office ID. It was a mugshot. 

I was in shock when I saw the photo. I looked exactly like my deceased uncle. 

That scared the shit outta Raft3r.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Live To Rise

With the Cybercrime Prevention Act of 2012 (RA 10175) in full swing, netizens are now more cautious of what they post online. 

The Deadbeat Club will NOT be silenced. NEVER.

Raft3r might just be the first person to be penalized and imprisoned for sarcasm

Lord, help me.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Of All The Things

Nagmumurang kamatis (acting too young for one's age). 

This is probably the best way to describe this romantic comedy flick. 

But I to have to give credit where credit is due. 

The on-screen chemistry between Atty. Pulpol/Umboy (Aga Muhlach) and Mandu Berns (Regine Velasquez-Alcasid) is undeniable. They are, after all, the Tom Hanks-Meg Ryan of Philippine Cinema (so I've heard). 

Raft3r has the following realizations after watching the movie:

1) John Lapus, the gay sidekick, has all the good lines;

2) Wife is different from wipe;

3) Eugene Domingo is ALWAYS a scene stealer;

4) Failure is never an option; and

5) Lawyers and fixers are almost one and the same animal. Both are equally dubious and conniving.

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Dreamlover

Last night I dreamt that I was KC Concepcion's new man. 

We were sweet as hell. You could tell she was really head over heels for me.

But I was fearful.

I was afraid people would start calling me the next Piolo Pascual.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Black Coffee

Raft3r does not drink coffee.

I'm not a fan and will never be one. 

Whether hot or cold, this beverage simply does not appeal to me. I am not exactly sure why the allure to coffee evades me to this date.

Raft3r is not one of the billions of people addicted to java.

I got nothing against Starbucks and the rest of those fancy cafes. 

Coffee shops are cool hang out places. Just don't expect me to order a cup of joe.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Boys And Girls

Want to be good friends with the guys? 

Serve their egos. 

Want to get the attention of the ladies? 

Shower them with praises. 

Flattery (in both genders) will definitely take you places.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Face Your Fear

Sylvester Stallone is the male Carmi Martin.

He has lost all facial reactions due to excessive Botox.

Whatever happened to just aging gracefully?

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

The Expendables 2

If you are an action star, you really don't need to know how to act.

Sly and the rest of the gang can pretty much attest to this.

Oh by the way, the movie was a fun ride!

Friday, September 14, 2012

A Stroke Of Luck

Not getting married (yet) and being a long time iPhone user are the two best decisions I've made in my adult life.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Life Is Sweet

After all the whining and bitching, Raft3r finally lands his first (and probably only) travel for 2012.

In a few days, I'll fly to Bohol.

Since this is my third trip to the land of Chocolate Hills and tarsiers, I decided to spice things up a bit.

Consider the following:

- I will be staying at the luxurious Bellevue.

- Goodbye, budget airline. Hello, PAL!

- Cave exploration and ziplining across Loboc River are in order.

The cost for this 3 day adventure may actually feed an entire barangay for a week or so.

Yes, I have to admit. I got carried away. But can you blame me?

After all, this is my first real vacation for the year.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Why Can't It Be

Why men can't be women:

1) Given our raging hormones, we will always be pregnant;

2) We are insensitive;

3) We are way too hairy;

4) We are sloppy and immature; and

5) We hate Oprah.

Post script: #4 is partially lifted from a line in Friends, Season 7. Unlike Senator Sotto, Raft3r likes to cite his sources.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Fast & Furious

In life, you don't always get what you want.

(Most of the time) life hands you things that annoy the hell out of you.

I always wanted a brother - someone I could talk to about girls, sports, and sex.

Instead, I was given a sister.

This was probably the reason why I never learned to open up.

I dunno what lead to this introspection.

But I do know that I needed a new blog post. And I needed it fast.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

I Write Sins Not Tragedies

I will never EVER be good for you.

Please consider this as your last warning.

Post script: Musang, a very good friend, has featured Raft3r on her blog. Check out the sexy interview here. It's good for a laugh or two.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Remember The Time

The year was 1997.

At that time:

1) Raft3r graduated from college;

2) Spice Girls was the biggest act in music;

3) Titanic played to sold out movie crowds around the world;

4) Mother Teresa and Princess Diana died;

5) Janet Jackson's Together Again became a huge global hit selling over 6 million copies;

6) UK turned over Hong Kong to China; and

7) Mike Tyson became an ear biting maniac.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Up Out My Face

Among family and friends, calling someone ate (older sister) or kuya (older brother) is a sign of respect.

But among total strangers and for you to call me kuya - when you look a decade older than me - is downright insulting.

Suntukan na lang tayo!

Post script: Happy birthday, Laieesha! Have a good one!

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Bourne Legacy

Some random thoughts on the 4th installment of the Bourne Franchise:

True to form, the Philippine National Police is portrayed as a slowpoke.

The love story between the lead characters is a bit contrived.

Where the hell is Jason Bourne?

Manila is the best place to culture viruses.

Edward Norton has Nene Pimentel eye bags.

Chicago, Maryland, DC, Virginia, Bangkok, and Palawan are a few of the movie locations that Raft3r have been to.

It's funny how an impoverished Filipina can accuse a Caucasian woman as a thief.

The Philippines is the real star of the movie.