Saturday, December 25, 2010

Family Affair

I love my family to pieces.

But spending an entire day with them is just plain exhausting.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

I Drove All Night

One more thing not to be jolly about this Yuletide Season: traffic jam.

Nonetheless, Merry Christmas to all the cool readers of The Deadbeat Club!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

A Little Less Conversation

Raft3r: "I'm heading to Taipei next month."

Mom: "Which girl are you taking?"

Raft3r: "I'm going with friends."

Mom: "Oh."

Raft3r: "A week prior to our Hong Kong trip is Janet's concert."

Mom: "Also in Hong Kong? Don't tell me you're watching. You just saw her show in California. It's a waste of money, if you ask me."

Raft3r: "Yes. And why not?"

Mom: "Because she's a has been."

I will not be speaking to my mother for the next couple of months.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Deep Inside Of You

A very dear family member is sick.

The relative is a source of strength and inspiration.

To see a person who is strong and independent deteriorate right before your very eyes is unsettling.

This is why I avoid most hospital visits.

Raft3r put on a brave face and pretended not to care.

It was business as usual.

When I got home, I broke down and cried - something I have not done in years.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Mona Lisas And Mad Hatters

My first Blu-ray disc.

Yes, Raft3r finally made the big switch.

Monday, December 13, 2010

32 Flavors

1. I like vanilla ice cream.
2. I do not like Boy Abunda.
3. I like money.
4. I do not like ube (purple yam).
5. I like kissing.
6. I do not like getting up too early in the morning.
7. I like Eugene Domingo.
8. I do not like
chicken afritada.
9. I like lechon (suckling pig).
10. I do not like procrastinating.
11. I like bacon.
12. I do not like crowds.
13. I like Marian Rivera.
14. I do not like donuts.
15. I like make up sex.
16. I do not like Kris Aquino.
17. I like sleeping.
18. I do not like pirated materials.
19. I like laughing.
20. I do not like Valentine’s Day.
21. I like my full HD television.
22. I do not like scooters.
23. I like going to concerts.
24. I do not like backstabbers.
25. I like horror movies.
26. I do not like it when it rains.
27. I like Blu-ray discs.
28. I do not like chocolates.
29. I like surprises.
30. I do not like Glee.
31. I like The Deadbeat Club.
32. I do not like getting old.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Employee Of The Month

A few years back, Raft3r was asked by his then boss to join the panel of job interviewers.

The group consisted of Raft3r, a Pinoy supervisor, and an American boss.

The interview process went on smoothly until the last applicant appeared.

Raft3r's boss: "Raft3r, what do you think of the last applicant?"

Raft3r: "I think she's hot."

I saw the face of my Pinoy supervisor froze and the jaw of my American boss dropped.

Post script: The hottie is now a regular employee at the office. I would like to think that it was my precious declaration that got her the job.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

These Hard Times

Raft3r has 25 godchildren.

Buying presents for every single one of them is the quickest way to bankruptcy this festive Holiday Season.


Saturday, December 4, 2010

I Kissed A Girl

Smooching is probably God's greatest gift to mankind.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

My Only Wish

Dear Santa,

I have been a good boy for the past 334 days.

I solved a crime.

I paid off my debt.

I have been honest.

I worked my ass off.

I only have one wish this Christmas.

I need a front row ticket to Janet's 2011 World Tour.

I deserve this, Santa. Don't you think?

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Monkeys For Nothin' And The Chimps For Free

Raft3r's long weekend was spent in Subic.

We only had one item on the agenda: to look for monkeys.

My posse and I searched high and low for these now elusive creatures.

Only to discover that the only three monkeys in Subic were those riding in Junjun.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Wild As A Turkey

Bring out the turkey.

What Raft3r is grateful for:

1. kindness of strangers;
2. decent job;
3. music;
4. newly restored Google page rank for The Deadbeat Club;
5. humor;
6. promise of a new day;
7. Black Friday;
8. YOU.

Happy Thanksgiving, boys and girls!

Monday, November 22, 2010

I Don't Want To Be Your Friend

Anyone who knows me personally can attest to how much I love anything Calvin Klein.

Even my kikay kit (man purse) and umbrella are from Calvin Klein. Pretty macho, eh?

Yes, Raft3r is a brand whore and for very good reason. Since I seldom shop for clothes, I need stuff that can last a lifetime. Sir Calvin does that for me.

When a friend recently loaned me his CK leather jacket for my upcoming winter travel overseas, I was floored.

I promised to return the item when I visit him in the summer.

The jacket looks so good on me. I am now more than willing to sever ties with my buddy.

Raft3r no longer cares. That jacket is mine. All mine. (Insert evil laughter here.)

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Fast As You Can

On my one hour lunch break, I saw the buttcrack of an overweight middle aged woman and an unshaven armpit of a sleeveless shirt wearing chick.

A lot can happen in 60 minutes.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Never Say Never

I never tasted Zagu.

I never enjoyed listening to heavy metal music.

I never read any Harry Potter book.

I have never been to Europe.

I never leave the house without doing a number 2.

I never liked adobo.

I never quit.

I never owned a Voltes V toy.

I have never been debt free.

I never enjoyed Disney movies.

I never sleep fully clothed.

I never liked Will Smith.

I never read lengthy blog posts.

I never stopped watching porn.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Here Comes The Bride

Raft3r never liked weddings.

That's already a given, right?

So when a friend of mine got hitched a few weeks back, I did not want to attend.

But I'm sure glad I did. Not only was it a chance to wear my Calvin Klein suit, the event turned out to be a fun wedding.

The happy couple danced to Usher's OMG while the bridal entourage strutted their stuff on the red carpet. The celebration was a bit unconventional until the parents did their obligatory remarks.

Despite the bride's numerous accomplishments, my friend's only goal in life was to be married and raise a family. She even has a life book to attest to this fact.

Now that she had her civil status changed, what is left for her to do?

Plenty, I say. Methinks she is ready to put a new spin on domestic life.

Being friends with her is a good balancing act. Her positive vibe on relationships is the perfect antithesis to my unwillingless to commit.

Taking a cue from her wedding vow, here's hoping that Raft3r could be someone's hearthrob - forever.

Cheers to the newly weds!

Monday, November 8, 2010

The Things We've Handed Down

Raft3r loves the smell of brand new CDs.


Is it just me?

Call me old school but nothing compares to the excitement of heading over to a record store to check out new releases from your favorite artists.

Raft3r has now resorted to buying music online via iTunes.

Though its convenience is hard to beat, buying music online lacks the thrill of browsing over racks and racks of music CDs.

The closure of one of my revered hangouts -
Virgin Megastore - was hard to accept.

If HMV follows suit, that might just be the final bow.

It's also sad to think that those so-called pirates are now laughing all the way to the bank.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

The Awakening

As much as Raft3r loves to sleep, nothing beats getting up the morning after.

A brand new day signifies a fresh start.

You may sometimes experience a bad day but tomorrow always brings a new beginning.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Wishful Thinking

Raft3r believes that:

• Scooters should be banned from major thoroughfares.
• Men who beat up women are sissies.
• Respect should not be demanded but earned.
• Gold digging chicks are the worst.
• Marriage is not for everyone.
• Hypocrisy is the deadliest sin.
• Compromise is bullshit.
• Girls love funny guys like Raft3r.
The Deadbeat Club is a must read.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Song For The Dumped

I have lately been spending a lot of time with someone.

Some call it exclusively dating.

One night she asked me, “Where is this relationship heading?”

I never wanted to give her false hope. She knew from the start what I was made of.

She knew it was coming.

I had to turn away and let her go.

She was a very nice girl.

What is wrong with me?

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Fright Night

Marriage is far more terrifying than Halloween.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


Don’t believe everything you hear.

The truth of the matter is Raft3r ain’t vain.

In fact, I don’t even have a mirror in my room.

How else can I explain myself every time someone asks, “Nagsuklay ka ba? (Did you comb your hair?)”

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Stuck On You

Guilty pleasure is defined as something that you shouldn't like, but like anyway.

These are mine:

1. The Vampire Diaries;
2. Anything Marian Rivera;
3. Entertainment Weekly;
4. Pinoy horror movies;
5. Miley Cyrus' The Climb; and
6. Bon Jovi.

No explanations. No apologies. No judgments.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Waking Up In Vegas

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

How come Raft3r’s previous trip to Sin City wasn’t as adventurous as the one depicted on The Hangover?

Consider the following:

1. Marriage to a stripper;
2. A tiger trapped inside a hotel villa;
3. Mike Tyson singing along to a Phil Collins’ hit;
4. Stun gun demonstration;
5. A majorly pissed and totally naked Chinese gay guy;
6. Fat Jesus; and
7. Case of the missing groom.

…And where’s the masturbating baby when you need him?

Sunday, October 17, 2010

I Think I'm Paranoid

I no longer feel comfortable parking my other car in any public place.

Carnapping does that to you.

Paranoia kills.

I was in Davao for work.

Our security office did not allow me to step outside of the hotel, even for meals.

I was confined to the four walls of my hotel room because Davao is a high risk place.

Our office even hired local police to escort us.

Paranoia kills.

Every time heavy rain starts to pour, I immediately stock up on batteries, water, and Doritos.

Ondoy does that to you.

Paranoia kills.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Flavor Of The Month

Move over Leighton Meester. Your contract is up.

Raft3r has a new crush and her name is Nina Dobrev.

My new apple of the eye is the star of the hit TV series "The Vampire Diaries."

The girl is hot as hell.

If only she has a video snacking on pasta, then Leighton will be permanently erased from Raft3r's memory.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

It's All Coming Back To Me Now

Karma sure knows its way around town.

Just a few months ago, Raft3r was lambasting Justin Bieber.

Today, I’m constantly being teased about my new haircut.

In other people’s eyes, Raft3r is now a 34 year old Justin Bieber wannabe.

Karma just bit me in the ass.

Boy, does it hurt.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Eat Pray Love

Lessons to live by:

Eat like a king.

Pray with all your might.

Love like it’s the only thing that matters.

Monday, October 4, 2010

The Impossible Dream

Which is harder to imagine?

A balding man with curly bangs or Raft3r finally willing to commit.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Stop This Train

Never thought I would use the word wet and John Mayer's name in one sentence.


I just did.

Dunno if it was the rain or the music but I was on a definite high that evening.

Post script: Mr. Sheik, please don't be mad. You are still Raft3r's guitar god.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The Place We Ran From

Serious question.

When and where is it proper to fart?

I raised this question since a male colleague passes gas every time I run into him in the men's room.

His fart is not even the silent kind. It's the one that sounds like a deflating balloon. Plus, it stinks. Big time.

He goes on with his business as if nothing is wrong.

Raft3r, on the other hand, is bothered.

Why would someone deliberately fart at me?

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Back To You

Raft3r was almost debt free.

I paid off all my credit cards and had them canceled.

How did Raft3r celebrate?

I hit the stores and bought 19 DVDs.

Back to the old drawing board, then.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Run, Fatboy, Run

Raft3r was in the mall, minding his own business, when a sexy and attractive saleslady approached him.

Sexy saleslady: "Hi, sir."

I grinned.

Sexy saleslady: "Try mo 'to, sir. (Try this, sir.)"

She handed me a flyer and said, "Pampapayat. (For weight loss.)"

Damn it. That's the last straw.

Monday, September 20, 2010

New Thing Now

For four straight Saturdays, I rendered overtime work.

Yes, Raft3r is now a changed man.

Others refer to this as a
paradigm shift.

I simply call it matinding pangangailangan (dire need).

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Comeback Kid

After nine months, the prodigal son returns.

Junjun is finally home.

Although the case has a lot of setbacks (Having the arraignment reset to November 10 is one of them.), small victories - like getting Junjun back - still matter.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I Can See Clearly Now

Malaysia through Raft3r’s eyes:

- Kuala Lumpur is a very progressive city.
- Long and winding roads abound. Nausea alert.
- No pork in the menu.
- Reckless cab drivers. That’s just the way I like them.
- Curry is everywhere.
- There is no shortage of deodorant in stores but no one seems to be using them.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Age Ain't Nothing But A Number

Have you ever dated a cougar?

A friend is setting me up with a lady who is in her 40s.

She is said to be funny as hell and filthy rich.

That’s 2 out of 5 in Raft3r’s dating guidelines.

Not bad, not bad at all.

Heard she is also drop dead gorgeous.


Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Positively Somewhere

I am hopeful.

I always believe in the power of prayer.

I am helpful.

I laugh a lot.

I can still change.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Despicable Me

I do not enjoy reading.

I pick my nose while driving.

I leave people hanging.

I detest boy bands.

I spend like there is no tomorrow.

I no longer attend Sunday service.

I give false hope to women.

I eat like a pig.

I do not like chicks with facial hair.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Automatic For The People

If you live in the Philippines, chances are you already heard a Christmas song played on the radio today.

Yes, the Holiday Season is now upon us.

And what better way to start the most wonderful time of the year than by giving away free stuff!

The Deadbeat Club’s Duplicity post garnered so much attention that Raft3r had to give in to the readers’ request for a contest.

Here are the mechanics:

1. Tell us what you like and dislike about The Deadbeat Club.
2. You must be willing to meet Raft3r in person to claim your prize.
3. The more comments you post, the greater the chance of winning.
4. Deadline is on September 30, 2010.

Up for grabs are Discipline, Scream 3, The Day After Tomorrow, Behind Enemy Lines, Guess Who, U218 Singles, Passion Of The Christ, and more!

Friday, August 27, 2010

Miss Misery

Wish you’re here.

So I can have someone to blame.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Something 'Bout A Woman

- Her luscious hair
- Her mischievous grin
- Her sweet scent
- Her somewhat innocent way of looking at things
- Her sexy dress
- Her impeccable sense of style
- Her seductive voice
- Her nagging ways

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Things That Never Cross A Man’s Mind

- Shopping
- Oprah’s book selection
- Feelings
- Beauty Pageants
- The Twilight Saga
- Book scrapping
- Gossip
- Fashion
- Piolo Pascual

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Storm Front

Living in a third world country sure has its perks.

When a typhoon hits, be prepared for massive blackout and water shortage that could run for days.

My hometown of Mali Bay is always victimized by these disasters.

Cut off our power lines and we would have no water supply. Isn’t that grand?

I always thought my family is well equipped for these kinds of things.

But when Typhoon Basyang paid us a visit, we were at the losing end.

Our water tank was empty. Our power generator was not functioning properly. When we finally had it working, it was running empty on fuel. Plus, we did not have the right adapter to connect the generator to the water pump.

What’s a boy to do?

Raft3r slept it off.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Pack Your Bags

The kids and I are off to another adventure.

Since my younger niece celebrated her birthday in Hong Kong Disneyland, it is but fair for her elder sister to fly to another country for her special day.

The Deadbeat Club heads to Malaysia next month!

It is my first time in Genting and I’m excited as hell.

On my last travel, I lost a car. What will I lose next?

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Going Under

Remember my four year old niece?

Well, she's at it again.

My niece and I were hanging out when she decided to do a number two.

With her mom away, Raft3r had to do the dirty work.

While I was washing her behind, the adorable rugrat blurted out: "Tito (Uncle), wrong hole."

Raft3r was dumbfounded.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Please Don't Stop The Music

Raft3r has been a concertgoer since puberty.

Cyndi Lauper was my first live show. Her show was as loud as her persona. I had a rockin’ good time.

During my high school years, Paula Abdul’s Under My Spell Tour landed in Manila. It was pure pop extravaganza complete with flying trapeze dancers and numerous costume changes.

Raft3r’s college days brought in Bon Jovi. Yes, the seven songs only concert that was worth every penny. Heavy downpour matched with a mad crowd and serious bottle throwing made it truly memorable.

On one of my birthdays, Phil Collins decided to play a gig in Pasig. To this date, he has the coolest concert ticket – a credit card type.

Janet Jackson performed to a sold out crowd at the Folk Arts Theater as part of the janet. World Tour. I fell in love that night. In 2008, we renewed our vows with The Rock Wichu Tour which was the best show EVER.

Michael Buble’s show was utterly romantic. Too bad I watched it with a male buddy.

Seeing Duncan Sheik play live was an absolute dream come true.

The best rock band I have seen live was Incubus. Boyd’s voice was awesome.

Alanis Morissette’s Can’t Not Tour was the best sing-along concert. The crowd knew every lyric to her song.

Raft3r became a part of History when he watched a Michael Jackson concert. The only time I got excited in his show was when the video screen showed a picture of Janet.

Major disappointments were Mariah Carey (She made Raft3r wait for two hours and all she had to offer was a lousy show.), Rihanna (She appeared too uninterested to perform.), Anita Baker (The high notes were gone.), and Maroon 5 (Adam Levine was not a great live performer.).

Big surprises were Mandy Moore (Her Coverage CD is just plain cool.), Amy Grant (She sang and played the guitar for two hours.), and Billy Idol (Who knew he could still rock the house at age 54.). Usher’s show was a delight, as well.

Raft3r felt absolute nothing for the Kris Allen concert.

My wish list for future shows to catch: U2, Alicia Keys, and Elvis Presley.

See, I am not such a hard person to please.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Close Encounters Of The Third Kind

Meeting an ex-girlfriend is not always a pleasant experience, especially if there was a nasty break up involved.

It is both awkward and unsettling.

But that wasn’t the case here.

In one social event, Raft3r ran into his ex and her current beau.

Since they were seated a few rows away from me, I had ample time to think how to approach the situation.

Raft3r wanted to take the high road and be the perfect gentleman. I decided that I will be the one to make the first move.

I was caught off guard when she approached me first.

She mentioned my name and smiled. That was a good sign.

My ex then introduced her boyfriend. It was my turn to be polite.

People around us were actually expecting a confrontation. They were utterly disappointed.

So this is how it feels like to be an adult. Raft3r – finally - grows up.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Don't Drink The Water

Raft3r attended another baptism.

The priest said that it is important to know the meaning of one’s given name.

He claimed a man’s goal in life should revolve around the meaning of his name.

My name means god of wine.

If we go by the priest’s logic, as early as age 15, Raft3r has already achieved his lifelong goal.

Bottoms up!

Sunday, August 1, 2010

The Difficult Kind

I am stubborn.

I am hardheaded.

I do not play by the rules.

I do not want a commitment.

I will break your heart.