Saturday, January 19, 2013


Today marks the 5th year and the last day of The Deadbeat Club.

With 648 blog posts (13 of which I did not write), 25,498 comments, and over 69,000 visitors, Raft3r is extremely grateful.

Below are the quotable quotes from the past 12 months:

Is having an ugly baby a curse? (Straight Outta Hell’s Kitchen)

By the way, checking yourself out in the mirror does not actually change how you really look. (The Mirror Has Two Faces)

Internet connection is way crappier if provided by Globe. (Same Ol’ Story)

Given how men are such assholes, women will have plenty to sing about in the years to come. (Let The Beat Hit ‘Em)

Men give flowers on Valentine's. Women reciprocate this gentlemanly gesture by surrendering their flower. (Life Is A Flower)

Mom was alarmed that I had a thing for black women. (Queen Of The Night)

But like any other good fairy tale, Prince Charming Raft3r eventually broke her heart. (Isn’t It Romantic?)

Valentines is the loneliest day in the life of any single woman. (Lonely Hearts Club)

Love is just a four letter word. Why be so affected by it? (Sometimes Love Just Ain’t Enough)

You can always choose to be happy. (Life)

Just because I smile every time we run into each other at the hallway does not mean I like you. (Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood)

The Philippines is a nation of spitters. (Life Swallower)

I am not built that way. (Drive My Car)

Love is otherwise known as martyrdom. (What Is Love)

You know you are getting older when you wrote your undergraduate thesis using WordStar 4 processor. (Don’t Look Back In Anger)

You can always cheat death by pretending you want to die. (Wanted Dead Or Alive)

Bakit ba mas maepal pa ang kabit kesa sa legal wife? (No Other Woman)

Lawyers are indeed liars. (Boy On A String)

I would have admired them more if they sharpened their minds instead. (Mysterious Ways)

All Raft3r got from a breakup were unpaid bills. (The Social Network)

Why would any self-respecting man shave his armpits? (Give Me One Reason)

Isn't it ironic how death turns out to be the best teacher in life lessons? (Game Changer)

Yelling and screaming should be limited to horror movies. No exceptions. (Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close)

Who would have thought people of that age are still very much sexually active. (The Bridges Of Madison County)

I have a weird relationship with God. (Losing My Religion)

When politicians talk about integrity, good governance, public accountability, transparency in office, Raft3r couldn't help but cringe. (Devil Inside)

If you have a choice and your husband abandons you, would you rather lose him to another woman or a man? (The Crying Game)

It just dawned on me that if I am as committed to any relationship as I am with The Deadbeat Club, I would have been married by now. (Rhythm Of Love)

I believe my best feature is the ability to make fun of myself. (The Best Of Me)

What would you do if your partner refuses to put out? (Let’s Get It On)

Life without me would be one bumpy ride. (You Owe Me Nothing In Return)

Of all the girls I have been with, you were the only one I said "I love you" to. And I meant it. (Somebody That I Used To Know)

When all else fails, flirt. (Gotta Get Thru This)

I will get married for money. (Ball And Chain)

Without much work experience, I have nothing to offer but my good looks. (Nice To Know You)

When a romantic comedy is done just right, even a hardened cynic like Raft3r can still get giddy. (Hello Stranger)

But among total strangers and for you to call me kuya - when you look a decade older than me - is downright insulting. (Up Out My Face)

The Philippines is the real star of the movie. (Bourne Legacy)

Isn't it a breath of fresh air when the girl plays the bad guy? (We Break The Dawn)

Robert Arevalo's character is the perfect representation of myself when I turn 75 years old. (The Healing)

It would take more than a bad weather to dampen the Filipino Spirit. (Anything But Down)

Why would I stand as witness to an institution that I have very little regard for. (The Bride Wore Black)

Meet the ever reliable baby oil, Raft3r's best friend. (I Touch Myself)

Unlike Senator Sotto, Raft3r likes to cite his sources. (Why Can’t It Be)

I will never EVER be good for you. (I Write Sins Not Tragedies)

Just for the sake that someone would personally handle my wake and funeral, I will get married. (Why Did I Get Married?)

Unlike most men, this girl has balls. (We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together)

Raft3r might just be the first person to be penalized and imprisoned for sarcasm. (Live To Rise)

Lawyers and fixers are almost one and the same animal. Both are equally dubious and conniving. (Of All The Things)

My butt is a star - whether online or in real life. (Right Down The Line)

I almost fell in love with you. (The Thing That Should Not Be)

That doesn't mean that I don't have a heart. It only means you're insignificant. (Why Should I Cry For You?)

If she doesn't swallow, she ain't worth keeping. (All The Right Moves)

The truth is I would rather be alone than be with YOU. (Easier Than Love)

But I'm pretty sure that they would rather see Derek Ramsay naked than be my bedfellow. (The Opposite Of Sex)

Not all problems can be solved. (Listen)

So ladies if you're looking for Mr. Right, you have to go through Raft3r first. (Mr. Wrong)

Post script: Click here for 2011, 2010, 2009, and 2008 one-liners. So which one is your favorite year?

Friday, January 11, 2013

It Could Happen To You

FACT: I have been a loyal Globe postpaid subscriber for the past 12 years.

FACT: Globe’s customer service sucks BIG TIME. Read this.

FACT: Globe once gave me a second hand mobile phone under their loyalty rewards program.

FACT: Globe failed to deliver my iPhone 3G because they don’t know where the US Embassy is located.

FACT: I don’t recall any Globe mishap with my iPhone 3GS. But I had that phone for only a very short period of time.

FACT: I waited for almost 6 hours in Globe Park Square 1 to get my iPhone 4.

FACT: For the iPhone 4S, Globe gave me 2 claim stubs - both for the same day but different pickup centers. When I called their hotline, they couldn’t confirm which claim stub was valid.

FACT: Globe has already introduced 4G technology when it hasn’t even addressed several 3G loopholes.

FACT: Globe gave me a claim stub for the iPhone 5 in a mall in Davao.

FACT: Globe's 4G LTE signal is intermittent.

FACT: Globe SM Makati said activation of my nano sim would take 1-2 days. Globe Hotline said it would only take 1-2 hours. After 2 days, still no signal. Called hotline again. Was advised activation still being processed by Globe SM Makati and that I should give it another 24-28 hours. Went to Globe MOA. They said Globe SM Makati never initiated activation of my nano sim.

FACT: Due to long queues in Globe (which is ALWAYS the case), I missed last night’s episode of Marian’s top-rating show Temptation Of Wife.

FICTION: I love Globe.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013


What's the big deal?

Marriage is just legalized sex.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

The Beautiful People

Good looking people need not have any talent. 

When your face becomes the only saving grace, that's all you really need to survive.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Mr. Wrong

This one's for the lovely ladies.

Wanna get married?

Try dating Raft3r.

As past relationships would dictate, going out with me is almost a surefire way to get hitched.

When your hook up with Raft3r wanes, your next boyfriend would be THE ONE. You were so burned out by me that you'll channel all your energy in catching the right guy.

Two or three exes could attest to this. (Marriage bliss is not a guarantee, though.)

So ladies if you're looking for Mr. Right, you have to go through Raft3r first.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013


With blogging out of the way by the 19th, Raft3r plans to do the following:

- Watch Titanic every April 14;
- Pursue further studies;
- Eat more fruits and veggies;
- Start playing tennis again;
- Consider a career with Globe;
- Bring back my rocking body;
- Get married; and
- Throw up after reading previous statement.