Saturday, May 29, 2010

Ride Wit Me

The daily hazards of being a commuter:

• bad odor of fellow passenger/s;
• hold ups;
• loud passengers;
• jacked up cab fares;
• waiting forever for passengers to fill up remaining empty seats;
• some cabbies refuse to give change;
• pretty crowded metrorails; and
• you are not your own boss.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The Muse

Raft3r got his groove back.

Chelsea Handler is largely responsible for getting me back in the swing of things – in reading, that is.

In a matter of months, I purchased all her books and read them in an instant.

My Horizontal Life covers Handler’s numerous one night stand sexcapades.

Are You There Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea dwells on family issues.

Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang is more varied. It has stories of partying all night, practical jokes, and even the perfect vibrator.

Yes, the funny female who frequently talks about masturbation and getting it on with midgets is now a certified New York Times best selling author.

White trash is big business these days.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Blame Canada

There is nothing scarier than seeing a grown man singing along to Justin Bieber tunes.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

My Life Would Suck Without You

Things Raft3r can’t live without:

iPhone;
• dried mangoes;
credit card;
• laptop;
music;
• vanilla ice cream;
DVDs; and
• baby oil.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Thursday, May 13, 2010

The Man Who Can't Be Moved

Ten valid reasons to date Raft3r:

1. Free meal;
2. Laughter galore;
3. It’s only a one time deal;
4. He is kinda easy on the eyes;
5. Guaranteed good time;
6. Feel free to pass judgment on him anytime;

7. He is up for anything;
8. It will be quick and painless;
9. You will be featured in The Deadbeat Club; and
10. It’s the perfect birthday present for the boy from Mali Bay.

Monday, May 10, 2010

It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)

There were a lot of dead flies in Bacolod.

They were scattered everywhere – on floors, on tables and chairs, on window panes, even urinals.

It was truly bizarre.

Did the flies die out of heat exhaustion or is this a sign of the apocalypse?

After all, we just elected a President based solely on his parents’ credentials.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Election

The Deadbeat Club invades Bacolod.

In my plight to be a better citizen of this great nation, I volunteered to be an election observer.

My COMELEC accreditation has been approved and I fly to the City of Smiles this Sunday.

Since my office is paying for my good deed, I am expected to perform exceptionally well on this assignment.

A foreign election observer carries a lot of responsibilities. Raft3r was handed an inch thick manual during orientation. It was required reading. I almost cried.

A part of me wanted to back out. But the thought of staying at a luxury hotel for three days free of charge prevailed.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

What Happened To That Boy

On a Saturday afternoon, two guys were off to the Mall of Asia to catch Iron Man 2.

They ended up watching Working Girls 2 instead.

I felt my balls shrink by the second.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Chicks who definitely rock:

Janet Jackson;
Veronica Lodge;
• Annie Lennox;
• Phoebe Buffay-Hannigan;
Jodie Foster;
Gale Weathers;
Chelsea Handler;
• The Virgin Mary;
Marian Rivera;
Cyndi Lauper;
Teela;
• Martina Hingis;
Maggie Carpenter;
• Samantha Jones; and
• Raft3r’s nieces.