The Island

Raft3r is a terrible employee. I am also a bad influence to my colleagues.

Because of my horrible reputation, my boss has decided to send me to the far flung island of Majuro where I will train the local staff to be just like me. Nice, huh!

I can almost see it now. An entire island filled with cloned Raft3rs. My very own Utopia!

I’m leaving on the 1st and will be staying there for the next three weeks.

I googled Majuro and found very little facts about it. I now know it’s somewhere in Central Pacific. It’s a 12 hour flight from Manila with 4 stops.

But few details are given as to cool places to visit in Majuro. Frightening thought.

Come to think about it, this trip might indeed be a punishment of some sort.

Help!

The Vanishing

An office mate has gone AWOL. He also happens to be a good friend.

I had no clue why he suddenly abandoned his job. No goodbyes. Nothing.

At first, I couldn’t believe the news he was gone until I heard it from the big boss. I went to his desk and tried to search for clues. Nothing.

He just left. It’s that simple.

Weeks have passed and now certain things are unraveling. He made certain mistakes and now he must face the consequences.

Raft3r is now caught in the crossfire. I’m now torn between my friendship with him and my responsibilities at work.

Work is important to me. But so is friendship. A line needs to be drawn.

I wish him well.

Mona Lisa Smile

When I was having my passport picture taken, I was politely reminded by the photographer that smiling is now prohibited by the Passport Division of the Department of Foreign Affairs.

I couldn’t believe what I heard. But I was also informed by a colleague of the same thing. Apparently, smiling distorts one’s facial features making them harder to distinguish.

Sadly, I obliged to the no smile policy. I wasn’t comfortable with it. Raft3r always smiles in front of the camera. It's a trademark.

Although after having met Pookee, a model wannabe, I learned to pout – Zoolander style.

While waiting for my turn to have my passport renewed last Friday, I amused myself by watching the video prepared by the passport office.

The video makes it a point to state that although smiling is not prohibited, only a Mona Lisa smile is encouraged. But that’s just a smirk, right?

So above photo is Raft3r’s version of the Mona Lisa. Right now, Da Vinci is rolling in his grave. For the record, I'm not too crazy about it either.

While You Were Sleeping

Raft3r was up at two o’clock in the morning to have his passport renewed.

Except for the time I had a sleepover at my girlfriend’s house without her folks’ consent, this is the only instance when I had to get up this early.

Since I had no scheduled appointment with the passport division, my only other option was to line up with the rest of the population who refuses to do the online application. Yes, I am stubborn.

One lesson I have learned from this experience is that karma does exist.

You see, I used to process passports of foreign nationals.

Often times I would have applicants who want to expedite their passport renewal due to an immediate trip abroad. More than always, I down turn their request.

A pending travel does not justify for an early release if previous passport has been expired for more than five years. It is the traveler’s obligation to make sure his travel docs are always current.

More than a year after my stint in passport, I am faced with the same predicament as my foreign clients. I have a long time expired passport with a travel that requires me to leave ASAP.

No balls Justin sings it best, “What goes around... Comes around...”

Beautiful Ones

We often hear about ugly people being discriminated against. A dear friend simply refers to them as “fairly attractive.”

But beautiful people are also victims of prejudice. Yes, sometimes being hot and sexy may be considered a handicap.

Who says being pretty is easy? Let us examine the evidence.

Jessica Alba: “I hope my new work will help producers in getting past my hotness.”

Eva Longoria: “I’ve lost a lot of jobs because I was too pretty. And everybody’s like, ‘Oh, poor you.’ But seriously, you don’t get the good roles when you’re beautiful.”

Cameron Diaz: “Why should there be prejudice against someone who’s had some success in films and looks a little better than average? It’s all in my genes, so don’t hold it against me.”

Scarlett Johansson: “Of course, it’s nice to be considered sexy, as a young woman in my prime. But I try not to think about sexiness.”

Kirsten Dunst: “I don’t try to be sexy. But if you are sexy, it comes out.”

Gwyneth Paltrow on her Shallow Hal role: “I got to expand my personality in a way that wasn’t about being a good looking, thin person.”

Jessica Biel: “One director told me, ‘I’m not looking for the sexiest woman, I’m looking for the girl next door.’ Parts that I really want aren’t going to me.”

Raft3r: “I am more than just a pretty face.”

Pardon the delusion. I had no decent sleep the past week. Sleep deprivation is a terrible foe.

Post script: Thanks to Us Weekly Magazine for the quotable quotes.

Would I Lie To You?

The fact is everyone lies. Some are just not as good as others.

Raft3r is a terrible liar.

I cannot lie to save my life. You can actually see in my eyes if I’m not telling the truth. Pinocchio has nothing on me.

So to all I had previous relationships with, rest assured I never lied. I just didn't love you enough.

I recently read an article on how job seekers tend to lie about basic details on their resumes. Almost 20% lie about their previous employments and/or academic backgrounds.

This is a bit alarming since it reflects on how bad our economy is. People are willing to misrepresent themselves to get better paying jobs.

You can’t blame them for trying, though. Times are hard. We do what we can to survive.

The Mighty Ducks

I was at the Mall of Asia a couple of nights ago. I was intending to purchase some DVDs when I happen to come across something really interesting.

I was passing by the ice skating rink when I saw a bunch of guys carrying hockey sticks. Raft3r decided to investigate further. Anything that involves a stick and some heavy hitting requires my utmost attention.

Sure enough I ended up watching some white folks battle it out on ice. I’m not quite familiar with hockey rules but it’s an easy sport to follow.

Most of the players were middle aged and on the heavy side. So the game was a bit slow though still entertaining.

When it ended, I wanted to form an all Pinoy hockey team. Cool, huh? First, I have to learn how to skate.

Signs 'O' The Times

When I was in grade school, the dancing sun became a phenomenon and everyone dreaded “The Three Days of Darkness.”

The two symbolized world destruction. Well, sort of. We all survived to see the 21st century, right?

I find it ironic that despite being a devout Catholic nation, most Filipinos are still highly superstitious. If I remember my freshman Theology class correctly, superstition is a sin under the 10 Commandments.

Being the superstitious freak that I am, here are a few telltale signs that the world might soon be coming to an end:

- Global warming;
- Rice supply shortage (To think we are an agricultural country!);
- PGMA refuses to step down from office;
- Erratic fuel price increases (I have two hungry vehicles to feed!);
- US economy is under recession;
- Noli de Castro is the top pick to be the next Philippine President according to recent polls;
- Filipinos are now divided into Kapusos and Kapamilyas;
- Most prefer to work abroad than to stick it out on their home turf;
- Gabby Concepcion’s showbiz comeback; and
- Bayani Fernando’s face is plastered all over EDSA.

Bills, Bills, Bills

I am up to my neck with bills to pay. And it’s not even funny anymore.

Am I the only one who has this problem?

Adult life is so complicated. Not only do you have to find a job to survive, you got other things to stress about. There’s your love life, your kid’s education, your boss, your meager salary, your favorite celebrity switching to another TV network. It’s insane.

I used to be good in handling my finances. In fact, I kept a journal of all my monthly expenses and religiously followed a certain budget per pay period. That was up until I bought a car. Admittedly, it was an impulse buy.

I have a good credit standing with the bank. So they gave me a pretty goal deal with the loan. But seriously, I do not need an extra car. But it’s here now. So why complain, right?

So every month, I do my best to survive. I am now living from pay day to day. It’s excruciating.

Oh, I have to go now. I’m off to the mall to buy more stuff I don’t even plan on using.

Post script: This is Raft3r's new motto, "It's is better to be buried in debt than to be buried six feet under."

View From The Top

It’s a long weekend. So my friends and I decided to head over to Tagaytay.

It is a quick getaway for most urbanites. Tagaytay is just a short drive from Manila plus the weather is awesome. There are a lot of cool places to hang out, as well.

I have been going to Tagaytay for most of my adult life. It’s practically Raft3r’s second hometown. I even spent two straight New Year’s Eves there.

Probably one of the most memorable Tagaytay trips was when our group trooped to Caleruega a few years back. It's way past the city proper but definitely worth a visit. Caleruega has a great view overlooking hills and lush flora.

We ran into a bunch of high school girls. They were fun to be with and a few of them asked for my mobile number. Photos were taken and I thought that was it.

The following day, I was bombarded with SMS messages from these girls. Plus they forwarded my number to their other friends.

Apparently, Raft3r was a big hit with their group. That lasted for more than a month.

An ex once commented that my target markets are teenage girls and gay men. Hey, who am I to argue.

Magazines

Heard the good news?

Philippine Playboy is about to launch its maiden issue! I was able to catch the late night news after dinner with friends. I just couldn’t believe what I’ve heard. Wait. Let me pinch myself.

Playboy. Philippine edition. There is a god!

I know the majority of my readers are female. But please let me indulge in some testosterone filled fantasies, even for a second.

The news said the first cover girl is a Brazilian beauty queen. No Pinay available? The Brazilian chick gave her thumbs up to Playboy since her photos are wholesome. Yeah, right.

Somehow, I couldn’t really use the term “wholesome” to describe the photos inside the most popular men’s magazine in the world. That's just plain laughable. Even Hugh Hefner would agree.

So for a Catholic dominated society like ours how would Playboy fare? I’m pretty sure that right about now demonstrations are being planned by both feminist and religious movements. Playboy will be pissing off some pretty huge groups.

Do you think the Philippines is ready for its own Playboy edition magazine?

Is this, perhaps, a sign of sexual maturity? One can only surmise.

Lucky Numbers

I have never been lucky with raffle contests and other games of chance.

But when it was announced last week that the biggest prize winning for the Philippine Lotto was up for grabs, I immediately dragged my ass to the nearest lotto booth to place my bet. No harm in trying, right?

Guess, what? I won!!!

I picked 5 out of the 6 winning numbers! 

I couldn’t believe my luck. Finally, karma has found its new home at The Deadbeat Club.

I screamed and jumped for joy like a high school chick who's been asked to the prom by the resident jock. 

So this is how it feels to be a winner. Raft3r just it the jackpot, baby!

Even before I could find out the details of my winning, I was already daydreaming of what I would do with the money.

I could finally pay off the balance of my car loan, take mom to Europe, get educational plans for nieces, buy the latest gadgets for myself, treat friends and family, invest, and do some charity deeds.

With my winnings, I am not even aspiring for paid blogging anymore. Plus, I can finally propose to my significant other. Things are indeed looking up.

Oh, and one more thing…

Happy April Fools’ Day, everyone!