Mission: Impossible

Raft3r is trying to bring humor back.

Because an avid reader bluntly pointed out that since the job promotion The Deadbeat Club has lost some of its fun factor, some heavy head scratching ensued.

That’s strange. Raft3r did not even know the Malibay blog has – oh - had the funny factor.

I always thought sarcasm was and still is the basic ingredient of The Deadbeat Club.

But now that it has been brought to my attention, the pressure mounts.

I wanna be funny. Again.

Raft3r hates this. He never meets expectations anyways.

If I Told You This Was Killing Me, Would You Stop?

Raft3r is not easily pissed.

But the following things annoy the hell out of me:

- Scooters on main roads;

- Lovers' public displays of affection;

- Unruly kids in churches and movie houses;

- Indecisiveness;

- Mundane political ads (Millionaires do NOT ride on pedicabs.); and

- Badly acted Pinoy soaps. (FYI: Yelling at the top of your lungs is not considered acting.)

She Works Hard For The Money

Raft3r now works 10 hours a day. I also work Saturdays – well, sometimes.

But that is nothing compared to my colleagues.

For instance, a female officemate logs in 12 hours a day plus weekend overtime.

Sunday overtime work has also been approved. But the office is having a hard time looking for supervisors who could pitch in.

Given this scenario, my female colleague will now work 12 hour shifts for 7 straight days. Does that make women more hardworking than men?

Folks from other departments are now envious of how much we earn because of overtime work.

Is money really that important?

Of course, I need money like the rest of the populace. In fact, I need it more than most people do.

But I would rather choose sleep over money any day of the week and twice on Sundays.

Anger Management

Someone in Raft3r’s family has trouble controlling his temper.

My Saturday sleep fest was disrupted by some loud commotion in the street.

Raft3r does not like people yelling, especially if he is forced to wake up from deep sleep because of it.

I looked down from the balcony to see a family member lambasting a little boy. The family member was all fired up. Nothing could stop his tirade.

Apparently, the boy tried to sneak in our house by picking the lock. Juvenile crimes are rampant in Malibay. That comes as no surprise, right?

The family member’s reward for stopping a potential crime: a trip to the emergency room for high blood pressure.

Sometimes life is really unfair.

Speaking Louder Than Before

Raft3r takes on the role of a public speaker.

Has the world gone mad?

I have been recently invited - not once but TWICE - to speak before an audience.

Raft3r has already accepted both offers. After all, I couldn’t say no.

Though public speaking is on my to-do list, I am now having second thoughts.

The first speaking engagement is before a group of graduating college students.

I was tasked to talk about the real world – job, success, money. Out of three enumerated, Raft3r only achieved the first item.

The other talk is hosted by a non-governmental organization.

They want Raft3r to discuss about blogging and its social responsibility.

This one I am not so sure of. I am, by no means, a professional blogger. Man, I can’t even fix The Deadbeat Club’s HTML settings. Yummy Friend can attest to this.

Whatever possessed these folks to think I can give logical advice to others is beyond me.

Raft3r knows no shit.

Hackers

The Deadbeat Club has been hacked.

For crying out loud, why?

There are no matters of national security that can be unearthed from here. Credit card numbers and bank information do not abound in this part of cyberspace.

Hackers, you have nothing to gain from The Deadbeat Club. Scram! Shoo!

The most disturbing thing the hacker did was replace Raft3r’s profile photo. 

The idiot substituted my baby picture with a photo of a butt ugly guy. (See photo insert.) Ain't he a doll?

Seriously, the boy from Malibay is insulted.

You may call me other things. But unattractive is not one of them. To suggest I look (remotely) like the guy you posted does not make me a happy camper.

You better identify yourself or get the hell out of my blog.

Although, Raft3r would still like to thank you. Your act only meant one thing - I am now made.

Post script: Hey, hacker! In case you think you are good looking, you are - without doubt - delusional. Do yourself a huge favor. Please seek extensive psychiatric help.

Little Miss Sunshine

Raft3r spent time with his nieces.

With their parents in tow, we checked in a hotel. It was Raft3r’s treat.

Everything the kids wanted done that weekend, we accomplished.

They swam, played hide and seek, spent quality time with my iPhone (they love the games), shopped for toys, jumped up and down the bed, watched cartoons all day long, and went to the arcade.

Babysitting is tiring. But it is also a great way to meet chicks.

My three year old niece pranced around the mall wearing her Wonder Woman costume (don’t get me started). Naturally, that attracted a whole lotta attention.

A young good looking girl approached us.

“She’s adorable,” the chick claimed. “Thanks. My niece is three years old,” I replied.

Raft3r flashed his killer smile. Small talk ensued. 

Did I tell you my nieces are very possessive?

When we were about to exchange numbers, my adorable niece blurted out: “Tito (Uncle), you have stinky breath.”

I almost lost it. The girl blushed. My niece laughed.

Ain’t kids grand?

It's Not Right, But It's Ok

What I lack in certain emotions, I make up with a lot of:

-Positivity;

- Compassion;

- Loyalty;

- Gratitude;

- Resourcefulness; and

- Sincerity.

I guess there is still hope for someone life Raft3r.

Emotion Is Dead

Raft3r is devoid of the following feelings:

- Sensitivity;

- Grief;

- Vulnerability;

- Simplicity;

- Remorse; and

- Determination.

Whoever thinks I'm a good person will now have to think twice.

Destination Nowhere

Sometimes I wonder where this blog is headed.

The Deadbeat Club is neither politically motivated nor socially relevant. 

It merely chronicles the not-so exciting single life of the boy from Malibay.

Like everything else in my life, this blog is total chaos. It is directionless, aimless, and clueless.

While others abhor triviality, Raft3r revels in it.

Yes, I am superficial. There is no shame in admitting that.

I know my happy-go-lucky/strike anywhere attitude has its limitations. For one, girls want someone who takes them seriously. I doubt if I will ever get to that point.

It is tough to get serious when everyone around you is an idiot.

Post script: Raft3r is no longer pissed. Wifey just re-launched her site.