Monday, January 24, 2011

Call Me Irresponsible

I forget dates and anniversaries.

I drive like a crazy person.

I will do anything to get ahead.

I am tackless.

I really just don't care.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

When I Think Of You

I could not stop grinning from ear to ear.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Technology Is A Dead Bird

Before 2010 ended, Raft3r made a few major purchases.

I finally decided to switch to Blu-ray. Man, this technology is awesome!

Watching Avatar on this format is a true visual feast.

To make my Blu-ray player reach its maximum potential, I had to get a full HD (high definition) television.

My Sony Bravia is such a thing of beauty I could pratically marry the bitch.

Raft3r's final purchase for 2010 was the iPad.

Yes, I was one of its worst critics when this latest Apple craze first came out.

Raft3r is now singing a different tune. Many sleepless nights are spent playing with my new toy.

I can blog using the iPad. That is more than enough reason to fall in love with it.

Raft3r also bought another mobile phone and a mini notebook. But that's a whole different story.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Three Hits

Hooray, The Deadbeat Club is now three years old!

In keeping with tradition, below are some of the memorable quotes from the past twelve months:

Why do people continuously find new ways to humiliate themselves? (American Dreamz)

But he has never been successful at killing himself. After all, he is still alive. (Live Like Were Dying)

Besides, work took much of my time and the little precious moments I had left were spent either sleeping or eating lechon. (Where Do We Go From Here)

Yes, life is unfair. Deal with it. (All Eyez On Me)

February is the best time to dump someone and get it on with a new fling. (Sweet Surrender)

Ok. So Raft3r is fat. Now back off. (Other Side Of The Door)

But that’s how life is sometimes. It just goes around in circles. (Circle Of Life)

I have never given much thought on the color of my nipples until that moment. (Maybe You Have Been Brainwashed Too)

Humor should be part of our day to day lives. Laughter is good for the soul - especially if done at the expense of others. (April Fools Day)

I heard hell is a WiFi hotspot. (From Hell)

I have a cute butt. (I Am So Ordinary)

There is something about doing an established routine that is very comforting. (Erase/Rewind)

Are government employees trained to be such arrogant bastards? (Little Of Your Time)

I felt my balls shrink by the second. (What Happened To That Boy)

After all, we just elected a President based solely on his parents’ credentials. (It’s The End Of The World As We Know It)

My favorite mistake is YOU. (King Of Sorrow)

There is nothing scarier than seeing a grown man singing along to Justin Bieber tunes. (Blame Canada)

White trash is big business these days. (Muse)

This is the hand of a fighter who smashed the face of his alleged carnapper. (Hands)

Then, it dawned on me. I just caught a thief - all by myself. (All By Myself)

See you in court, mom. (My Monster Mom)

Not only was it difficult putting up a front, two timing also doubled Raft3r’s dating expenses. (Two Timing Touch And Broken Bones)

Seriously, what is it with women and their affinity for John Lloyd Cruz? (Fell In Love With A Boy)

I’m damaged goods. (Broken By You)

I will break your heart. (The Difficult Kind)

So this is how it feels like to be an adult. (Close Encounters Of The Third Kind)

Living in a third world country sure has its perks. (Storm Front)

There is no shortage of deodorant in stores but no one seems to be using them. (I Can See Clearly Now)

Why would someone deliberately fart at me? (The Place We Ran From)

Never thought I would use the word wet and John Mayer's name in one sentence. (Stop This Train)

Paranoia kills. (I Think I’m Paranoid)

Marriage is far more terrifying than Halloween. (Fright Night)

Hypocrisy is the deadliest sin. (Wishful Thinking)

You may sometimes experience a bad day but tomorrow always brings a new beginning. (The Awakening)

I never read lengthy blog posts. (Never Say Never)

Smooching is probably God's greatest gift to mankind. (I Kissed A Girl)

When I got home, I broke down and cried - something I have not done in years. (Deep Inside Of You)

One more thing not to be jolly about this Yuletide Season: traffic jam. (I Drove All Night)

I love my family to pieces. But spending an entire day with them is just plain exhausting. (Family Affair)

I do not know why I have an underarm fetish. (Don't Know Why)

Post script: Wanna step back in time a little more? Here are the 2009 and 2008 one-liners.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me

I get excited every time I see a tennis court.

It's exactly the same thrill one gets during foreplay.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Don't Know Why

I do not know my blood type.

I do not know why girls (and even gays) like me.

I do not know why I never listen to the radio.

I do not know why I buy things on

I do not know why I am insensitive.

I do not know why people even bother to read The Deadbeat Club.

I do not know why I have an underarm fetish.

I do not know why I love
Janet Jackson so much.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Goodnight, Travel Well

The first quarter of 2011 will be very expensive.

Raft3r flies to Taiwan this month for Yummy Friend's birthday bash.

February is the family's annual pilgrimage trip to Hong Kong.

March is the all boys' adventure to Bohol. Yes, it's no longer Baguio. But the destination still begins with the letter "B."

Since wifey is coming to Manila, I no longer need to fly to Hong Kong or Singapore just to see her. Mother would be pleased.

I wonder what the second quarter would bring?

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Remember Me

I was one of the shortest boys in class.

I was the one you bullied in high school.

I was the one who took you to prom.

I was the one who had a thing for Tori Spelling.

I was the one you made out with at a friend's party.

I was the one with the worst fashion sense.

I was the one you dated and never called back.

I was the one who was made fun of a lot.

I was the one who broke your heart.

Post script: Huge thanks to Yummy Friend for The Deadbeat Club's spanking new look!

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Doth I Protest Too Much

This was certainly not the kind of justice Raft3r was searching for.

Criminal Case No. T6-10-0556 has now been drawn to a close.

I have listened to the wise words of the elderly. I withdrew the case and settled amicably.

With a heavy heart, I signed the Affidavit of Desistance.

Monetary consideration presented by the accused is so minimal that I could earn that amount in four months time.

Given how the Philippine Justice System works, everyone says I still did the right thing.

But I don't feel that way. I don't feel vindicated.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

The Last Day Of Our Acquaintance

In a very public place, Raft3r ran into an acquaintance.

Acquaintance: "Good morning, Raft3r."

Raft3r: "Good morning to you, too."

Acquaintance: "Ang gwapo mo! (You're handsome!)"

Raft3r laughed.

I guess my acquaintance just couldn't get a hold of himself.

Post script: This is the 400th post of The Deadbeat Club.