Sunday, December 28, 2008

Home For The Holidays

The Holiday Season is the perfect time for reunions and get-togethers.

Raft3r must have gone to a million parties this month. But nothing beats having dinner with old friends.

I haven’t seen my grade school buddies in ages. So when they facebooked (Yes, it’s a verb now.) about meeting for dinner, I immediately said yes.

So there we were at Cyma’s. Raft3r was surrounded by familiar faces and loving it. These are the people I practically grew up with.

Over dinner, Raft3r was teased for being the only 5th grader to wear shorts in class. After downing a bottle of red wine, more roasting ensued.

They also recalled this incident where I brought a hot chick to a friend’s office. My friends kept asking what her name was. Raft3r couldn’t even remember.

Going down to memory lane is always fun and sometimes embarrassing.

All I can say is: “Thank God for growth.”

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Eat For Two

Raft3r’s favorite food is lechon (suckling pig).

You can tell how grand a feast is when lechon is served.

Its crispy skin is the most delectable part of the lechon. Man, I’m salivating just blogging about it.

On Christmas Eve, Raft3r was at the airport to pick up our lechon from Tacloban.

Although lechon Tacloban is far less popular than lechon Cebu, the former tastes way better than the latter. Raft3r should know. After all, I am the lechon connoisseur. I have been eating it all my life.

While waiting for our lechon to clear security, one of the airport guards commented: “Sir, mas madami pang lechon ngayon sa eroplano kesa sa tao.” (“Sir, there are more roasted pigs on board the plane than there are human passengers.”)

Enough said.

Post script: There goes Raft3r's wish to lose weight.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Grown-Up Christmas List

1. For gas prices to continuously drop.
2. A new Jodie Foster movie.
3. No more stupid billing statements from Globe.
4. Higher salary increase. (Uncle Sam, 2% is simply not cutting it!)
5. A return trip to New York.
6. No to charter change. (GMA, give it a rest.)
7. Lose 20 pounds.

What’s yours?

Merry Christmas to all the wonderful readers of The Deadbeat Club!!!

Post script: Raft3r also wants world peace. But so does every beauty pageant contestant.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

Despite being feverish and all, Raft3r headed to the mall to begin his Christmas shopping.

Better late than never, right?

Armed with a very limited budget, I searched for various toys for my godchildren. Yes, even Raft3r is affected by this global economic crisis crap.

Anyone wants to buy my iPhone?

For this shopping trip, I wore a hoodie and very dark sunglasses. After all, Raft3r was sick. I did not want to be recognized.

As I passed by two chicks, I overheard their conversation.

Girl 1: “Artista ba yan?” (“Is he a celebrity?”)

Girl 2: “Hindi. Feeling lang!” (“Nah. In his dreams!”)

Raft3r couldn’t help but laugh.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Unsent/The Love Letter

Dear Ex #1,

They say one never forgets their first time. I can attest to that.
Our two week relationship was a testament on how commitment phobic I can get.

Dear Ex #2,

It was nice meeting you.

But breaking up with you was even better. Having a female stalker was a huge ego booster.

Dear Ex #3,

You were my soul mate. You accepted all my flaws. You were always there for me.

That freaked me out.

Dear Ex #4,

To this day, no one can top what you gave me for my birthday.

I apologize for dumping you right after that.

Dear Ex #5,

I felt like a dirty old man when I was dating you. I was in college. You were in high school.

Asking me to help you out with your homework was the last straw.

Dear Ex #6,

Our relationship was like a roller coaster. And everyone came along for the ride.

Dear Ex #7,

For once in my life, I can say I dated a model.

I can also claim I once went out with a bulimic.

Dear Ex #8,

We almost got hitched. You were the first girl I ever said “I love you” to.

I was smitten.

Thank God I finally came to my senses.

Dear Ex #9,

You were probably the nicest girl I have ever met.

You do not deserve me. I am sorry.

Dear Ex #10,

We always had fun. That was the trouble.

Dear Ex #11,

I never really loved you anyway.

Dear Ex #12,

Don’t worry.

I don’t kiss and tell.

Post script: Now who can say men have such lousy memory?

Monday, December 15, 2008


Raft3r always enjoys a good cat fight.

It’s always such a turn on to see women get on each others' nerves. Girl mud wrestling is also hot.

Like most men, Raft3r is not a big fan of showbiz gossip.

But when I heard this rumor that Marian Rivera is pregnant and Karylle made this mischievous smile when asked to comment about it, I couldn’t help but get hooked.

An office mate was my first informant. When I got home, I immediately tuned in to the news and there it was.

Marian Rivera pouring buckets of tears and crying foul over Karylle’s malicious smile after being asked about the alleged pregnancy.

Raft3r is not taking sides.

But from the look of things, Karylle is at fault. Instead of giving a diplomatic answer (like she did in previous interviews), she gave this grin that is subject to different malicious interpretations.

Brokenhearted and all, she may still feel some bitterness. This may somewhat explain her behavior.

I heard people say that Karylle took the high road during the whole break up controversy. So why the sudden change?

Of course, you can’t blame Karylle if she wants to remain controversial. Everyone is entitled to their 15 minutes of fame.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Leaving Las Vegas

A couple of months back, Raft3r spent a week in Vegas.

That trip was awesome!
Everything about the Sin City is over the top. To say that Las Vegas gives utmost important to extravagance is an understatement.
Even their airport has slot machines. How cool is that.
The Strip is a visual feast. 
Raft3r walked around and was fascinated with everything in sight. I also felt underdressed. I was in shorts and flip flops. Everyone around me was absolutely gorgeous and dressed to kill.
My cousins and I had dinner at the Bellagio. Raft3r ate like there was no tomorrow.
I felt like a Hedonist during that visit. There was just too much of everything in Vegas.
The college frat boy who was with Raft3r on the same flight summed it at best: “Let’s party, dude!”

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Things That Make You Go Hmmmm....

Someone or something has been messing with Raft3r for the past weeks or so.

Remember the black cat incident?

To this day, Raft3r has continuously been losing things left and right.

Recent victims were a couple of CDs, my Calvin Klein jeans, and pilfered hotel goodies from Tagaytay.

Where have they gone? Who took them? These questions will probably remain unanswered.

Just like the Bermuda Triangle and other unsolved mysteries, the case of the missing Raft3r items will always be a puzzle.

I really have no idea what’s going on. Maybe I should try exorcism.

For crying out aloud, Raft3r is an obsessive compulsive. This shouldn’t even be happening.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Think Like A Girl

What kind of satisfaction does a chick get for being irrational?

Raft3r recently received a text message from an estranged lover.

We dated a couple of years back. It was nothing serious. That’s how I treated what we had. That’s also the reason why she hates me until now.

My ex proudly proclaimed she is now preggers.

I didn’t know how to reply to such news. So I decided to disregard it.

Apparently, she really wanted me to know about her present condition. Hence, I got another text message from her.

Raft3r ignored her completely.

Why would I care? It’s not as if she’s carrying my child.

After all these years, she still assumes that I am interested with what goes on in her life. I didn’t even give a damn at the time we were together. What makes her think I would be now?

Raft3r does not, in any way, mean to be disrespectful. But she is definitely barking up the wrong tree.

Thursday, December 4, 2008


Being a newbie at work, Raft3r has a lot on his plate.

If they ask you to do something, you oblige. No questions asked.

If they tell to jump, you say how high.

So when a company sponsored bowling tournament was announced, guess who participated wholeheartedly?

Yes, Raft3r volunteered to play.

Pakikisama (camaraderie) is still a highly regarded Filipino trait in the workplace. Peer pressure is one big fat bitch.

I haven’t bowled since high school. This became very evident during the tournament. Raft3r was immediately tagged as the good looking kid who couldn’t bowl.

Redemption came when after three games, I finally found my rhythm. Strikes and spares were my new best friends.

Bowling is the only sport I know where one can drink beer while playing. And we still wonder why it is just an exhibition game in the Olympics?

Sunday, November 30, 2008

The Boy In The Striped Pajamas

It just occurred to Raft3r that there are a slew of songs about being a boy.

There’s Ciara’s “Like A Boy,” Britney’s “Boys,” and the list grows by the minute.

The latest of which is Beyonce’s “If I Were A Boy.”

Why the fascination on how we think?

It’s not that complicated really.

There is only one thing that goes through the mind of any guy.

It’s SEX. For 24/7, that’s all we ever think about.

There. Mystery solved.

Raft3r has to go now.

I have some more thinking to do.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Silent Night

It’s almost Christmas.

I have not even started buying holiday presents for everyone. That’s not typical Raft3r behavior.

Usually by this time, I’m done with my Christmas list.

So what gives?

I dunno.

For a smartass like myself who always seem to have a witty answer to any question, I don’t have a clue as to why I haven’t started my holiday shopping.

Raft3r is dumbfounded.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

What How When Where Why Who

There’s trouble in paradise.

Globe, Raft3r’s mobile phone provider, has reached new heights of foolishness. I wanted to use foul words. But my mom taught me better than that.

My iPhone postpaid subscription was temporary cut off since next month’s phone bill has allegedly reached P13000 ($266)!

The culprit? Globe blames it on net surfing. Raft3r calls it crazy.

Who in their right mind would spend 13 grand on internet browsing alone? Seriously, who does that?

Raft3r has WiFi at home. So why bother using the iPhone for internet connection.

What is even more astonishing is the fact I had my 3G disabled since day 1. Baffling, isn’t it?

The Globe customer representative Raft3r spoke with spilled the beans. A lot of other iPhone subscribers experienced the same dilemma. Apparently, it’s a glitch in their system. Of course, Globe will not admit to this.

Those idiots from Globe will not reinstate my iPhone connection until I pay the bill. Raft3r refuses to pay for something he did not even use.

Who would be the first to cave in? Let the battle begin.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Can't, Won't, Don't Stop

One early Thursday morning, Raft3r was in a hurry to get to work.

As fate would have it, I was stuck in traffic. Darn it.

When trying to switch lanes, Raft3r finally noticed the cause of traffic. It was an old disabled man sitting in the middle of a major thoroughfare.

Apparently, he could not stand up. He appeared to be in pain.

Vehicles maneuvered around him and tried not to hit the old guy.

Raft3r wanted to get out of the car and help the man cross the street. After all, it was the noble thing to do. But I was also late for work. Boss wouldn’t approve of that.

In the end, selfish motives prevailed.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Spending My Time

Raft3r took a leave of absence from work yesterday.

Instead of staying in bed (like usual), I decided to do some chores.

I know. It's a miracle.

Consider the following:

• went to the bank and had my ATM card replaced;
• brisk walked to burn some calories (at least, I’m trying);
• dropped off laptop at the shop for a check up;
• had a haircut (a lot of fans would be pleased);
• paid my bills;
• bought latest Marian Rivera CD for my nieces (don’t get me started);
• updated programs on my iPhone;
• read a few pages of Twilight; and
• had a blind date for dinner.

It’s been a while since Raft3r felt this productive. Really.

These days are few and far between.

Post script: This entry was intended for yesterday. Instead of blogging right after work, I went straight to bed.

Friday, November 14, 2008

The Bitch Is Back

My dear President is at it again.

Gloria is soon heading to North American for an official visit. She sure loves to travel.

The Philippine President recently made headlines when one of her henchmen declared on national television that she would not be paying a visit to newly elected US President Barack Obama.

Apparently, Barack refused to answer Gloria’s phone calls on the day he won the election. Being true to form, GMA retaliated by not doing a courtesy call with the next leader of the free world.

Raft3r may not be a master in international relations. But I guess common decency is still widely practiced worldwide. One word: diplomacy.

There goes our so-called strong ties with the US.

On the side: News is Makati Mayor Binay is running for the top national post in 2010. Supporters named him the Pinoy Obama. Huh? Besides their skin tone, Raft3r couldn’t see any other similarity between the two.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Groove Thang

It's concert time once more.

Fans of teeny bopper music would be pleased to find out Rihanna and Chris Brown are in town for a gig.

With not much to do and a lot of time to spare, Raft3r is heading to Taguig this Sunday to catch the so-called dynamic duo live.

I don’t expect much from this concert.

Rihanna is a far cry from Ms. Jackson. I won’t even elaborate on that fact anymore. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a complete moron.

Raft3r is just happy to be out and about.

Besides, high school girls are always nice to hang out with. Just the same, I'm bringing my ear plugs.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Won't Get Fooled Again

In Raft3r’s quest to be more socially relevant, he decided to be an election volunteer in the recently concluded US presidential poll.

Consider the following perks:

1. an all day activity inside a mall,

2. free meal, and

3. a perfect excuse not to report for work.

If those mentioned above aren’t good enough reasons to volunteer, I dunno what is.

Raft3r also got to meet 80's icon, Jojo Alejar. Ain't life sweet!

Post script: Dear Mr. President, Janet Jackson would make one hell of a performer in your inauguration.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Ready To Run

When I opened my Gmail this morning, I had 21 unread emails in my inbox. A dozen of them came from my mother.

How exciting is that, huh?

They all read the same: “Don’t forget to buy me my trainers. Love, Mom.”

How could Raft3r forget?

Even before I left for the States, my mom has been nagging me about getting her a new pair of running shoes. She even sends me MMS of her preferred brands.

Raft3r’s mom can be pretty persistent sometimes, in case you haven’t noticed.

I tried looking for what she likes in the store but the search always turned out negative. This went on for weeks.

A day before I headed to California, I decided to do a last minute shopping at Arundel Mills.

Raft3r was not disappointed.

They finally had my mom’s Reebok sneakers.

I immediately made the purchase and called home to report the same. Mom was thrilled. She can finally retire her old jogging shoes.

Raft3r is now $50 poorer. But to hear the delighted voice of my mom from the other line is far worth it.

Post script: Obviously, this is an old post. It was written in Baltimore and never published until now.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Wake Up Dead Man

Raft3r’s favorite time of the year has arrived!

Being a big fan of horror flicks, I relish the whole Halloween-All Souls Day celebration.

Now don’t freak out.

Raft3r doesn’t drink pig’s blood or anything. I don’t even eat liver. Raft3r just loves Halloween.

Getting scared is the best feeling in the world. Remember the Majuro incident?

When I was a kid, my favorite game was ghost hunting. My cousins and I would even head out to old abandoned houses in Mali Bay just to play “Spirit of Glass.” Those were the days.

Raft3r has to go now. I’m about to embark on a horror movie marathon. Popcorn’s ready.

Hannibal Lecter and Clarice Starling are waiting for me.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Burn After Reading

Yes, miracles do happen.

Raft3r did something good for the soul today.

I started reading. Again.

On my last US trip, I bought a couple of books. They remain to be untouched up to this date.

Raft3r hasn’t flipped through a book in more than a decade.

Yummy friend suggested I read Twilight. Man, I can almost hear my female readers shriek in delight.

The book first caught my attention when the stars of its movie version appeared on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. The girl’s hot!

Other than that, Raft3r is totally clueless about the whole Twilight phenomenon. Maybe it’s time I find out for myself.

Happy Halloween, guys!!!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Monday, October 27, 2008

The Omen

They say bad luck follows a person who crosses path with a black cat.

Raft3r may be a lot of things. Being superstitious sure ain’t one of them.

I am a big Loch Ness fan, believe in the existence of aliens, adhere to conspiracy theories, and think Elvis still lives.

As you can probably notice, Raft3r is pretty open minded. But the concept of superstition is a bit lame, if you ask me.

So a couple of weeks ago, a black cat walked pass me. Raft3r did not pay too much attention to this incident, until now. After all, black cats form a big part of the Mali Bay community.

Raft3r has lost both pins for his company sponsored and personal credit cards. I was out of town for work and badly needed some cash advance, but couldn’t find my ATM pins.

Besides the monetary constraint, my seldomly used Picanto got hit by a taxi. Fresh from its regular check up, my subcompact received some heavy hitting from an irresponsible cab driver.

Raft3r also lost his beloved Armani sunglasses.

All these occurred right after the black cat encounter.

Coincidence? Guess who’s a believer now.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

We Are The Champions

The Deadbeat Club strikes again!

It's about time, huh.

After careful consideration, the following gorgeous ladies are declared the lucky Sell The Free World contest winners:

1. Wendy,
2. Sonnet’s, and
3. June.

Congratulations! Gap Body Mists await all our champions.

Thank you to everyone who participated. Raft3r is very pleased with the turn out.

Expect more fun promos in the future!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Movie Stars And Super Models

Good news!!!

The Malibay kids are at it again!

My five year old niece has landed a major TV ad campaign. Shooting starts on Thursday and I’m excited as hell.

Yes, Raft3r’s one proud tito (uncle) and is now on the verge of becoming a full pledged stage uncle.

For the ladies, may this serve as a reminder that good genes run in Raft3r’s family.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Push The Button

What’s your most embarrassing experience?

Raft3r has many. Lemme share with you the most recent one.

On an early Monday morning, Raft3r was on an elevator ride with an elderly male office mate. He looked familiar. So I immediately struck a conversation with him.

In that short span of time, we talked about his family and other personal stuff I knew about him.

Things were going pretty well until it was time for me to get off the elevator. I bid him farewell and called him by his name.

That’s when it happened.

Before Raft3r could step out of the elevator, I heard the old gentleman say: “By the way, my name is NOT Vic.”

I turned red. Raft3r immediately apologized and blamed everything on mistaken identity.

I thought the person I was speaking with was ‘Vic’ who was recently honored by the top honchos in the office.

Man, Raft3r even congratulated the old guy on the elevator. I was totally humiliated.

I went on with my errand and put the whole incident behind me. Ten minutes later, fate was kind enough to let Raft3r run into him again and still on the elevator.

I tried to turn away but second guessed myself since the gesture was too obvious. Raft3r stepped in the elevator. I gave him a quick smile. The old man went on and said he knew ‘Vic’ personally.

Raft3r remained mum and silently prayed to make the elevator ride go faster.

Note to self: Stop talking to strangers.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

How Far We've Come

Here's an update on Raft3r's 100 Things To Do Before I Die list:

1. Get out of Baltimore alive.
2. Skydive.
3. Get married in Boracay.
4. Purchase a condo, preferably near work.
5. Switch to Blu-ray.
6. Be interviewed on TV.
7. Write a book. I can’t help but laugh at the idea.
8. Have kids. Twins would be awesome. Cute ones, please.
9. Take life more seriously.
10. Watch Aj get married.
11. Have an encounter with Martina Hingis.
12. Be in a movie. I can act.
13. Play tennis with Patrick Rafter.
14. Be debt free.
15. Work for the United Nations.
16. Catch the US Open live.
17. Stop procrastinating.
18. Have 7 girlfriends at the same time.
19. Lie consistently.
20. Dress appropriately for my age.
21. Own an island in Palawan.
22.Practice yoga.
23. Take mom to Europe.
24. Stop annoying my next door neighbor.
25. Visit M&M in Australia.
26. Be invited to an orgy.
27. Lose weight.
28. Adopt a chow chow.
29. Learn to play a musical instrument.
30. Be allergy free.
31. Live in New York.
32. Become a vegetarian.
33. Learn to love enemies.
34. Be the voice of my generation.
35. Stop plotting my revenge on high school bullies.
36. Blog more.
37. Run naked in a very public place.
38. Be responsible.
39. Search for the perfect smoothie.
40. Wake up early.
41. Drive responsibly.
42. Be abducted by aliens.
43. Eat sensibly.
44. Get mobbed by fans.
45. Buy my nieces a pony.
46. Finally tell my folks about the Picanto.
47. Become a sports commentator for Wimbledon.
48. Stop complaining.
49. Pray more.
50. Learn to commit.
51. Be practical.
52. Send apology letters to all my exes.
53. Meet Jodie Foster.
54. Go to Graceland.
55. Invent something.
56. Visit Batanes.
57. Get certified for diving.
58. Sex on the beach.
59. Have my teeth whitened.
60. Buy a MacBook.
61. A dinner party with Hannibal Lecter, Dana Scully, and Stewie from Family Guy.
62. Have a Google page ranking of 10 for The Deadbeat Club.
63. A vacation in Tokyo.
64. Learn to ski.
65. Have Hugh Hefner’s lifestyle when I turn 50.
66. Stash more cash in the bank.
67. Learn to say no.
68. Complete the entire Janet Jackson catalogue. She’s HOT!
69. Buy stocks and bonds.
70. Start jogging.
71. Become a rock star.
72. Get paid to talk.
73. Eat at IHOP everyday.
74. Sleep all day.
75. A rest house in Tagaytay.
76. Make my country proud.
77. Witness a Marian apparition.
78. A picnic at Central Park with the entire Friends gang.
79. Run a marathon.
80. Engage in charity work.
81. Learn to surf.
82. Curse more.
83. Inspire others.
84. Put up a rehab center for DVD addicts.
85. Have breakfast in bed with Angelina Jolie.
86. Be a ball boy at the Aussie Open.
87. Persuade Denise Richards to give up acting.
88. Grow a full beard.
89. Pick up a new language.
90. Read more.
91. Spend less.
92. Recycle.
93. Start answering my phone calls.
94. Get rid of negativity.
95. Stop making up stories just to make my life more interesting.
96. Hold a giant anaconda. That’s no gay talk.
97. Take a trip to Africa.
98. Learn something from this 11 week training in Maryland.
99. Know how to change tires.
100. Be funny as hell.