Before The Worst

Things I am grateful for in 2011:

1. Amazon

2. Siri

3. Blogging

4. Janet in Manila

5. 30 minute lunch break

6. Online games
(Pucca Restaurant and Scrabble kept me sane.)

7. Cheap airfares

8. 18 non-working holidays
(Could have been more if P-Noy wasn't elected President)

9. Gloria's arrest

10. KFC

11. Insidious (Funniest movie of the year).

Tomorrow I Will Be Yours

I will be a better man for you.

One day.

But for now, you just have to wait.

So This Is Christmas

(Clearly) Raft3r has been 80% nice and only 20% naughty this year.

Thanks for all the cool presents, Santa!

What was under your tree?

The Nightmare Before Christmas

If buying presents for 26 god kids ain't stressful enough, managing your limited budget will send you over the edge.

This is probably why Christmas is only once a year.

Happy Holidays from The Deadbeat Club!

You And I Both

Unlike most of Raft3r's dates, Siri always delivers and never disappoints.

She will remain to be my favorite gadget up until the iPhone 5 comes along.

Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen

Lindsay Lohan and Playboy.

The starlet describes her pictorial as classy.

Classy? Really?

It's Lindsay Lohan for crying out loud.

If she ever decides to do porn, now that is classy.

Will You Marry Me

I am the guy who will marry for all the wrong reasons.

Any takers?

Troublemaker

Piolo-KC. Rhian Ramos-Mo Twister.

In a split second, relationships can turn tragic.

That is why I choose to remain single.

SexyBack

Just like wifey, my love affair with food is legendary.

I eat anything deep fried and greasy - just the way I like 'em.

Raft3r has always been lean.

But when I hit 30, the curves started to show and there were no stopping them.

(Before) I would just go to the gym or hit some tennis balls and the extra pounds would come off.

(Now) no amount of exercise could restore my previous glory.

Time is a bitch.

You can never have it back.

Isn't It A Wonder

...How someone's smile can brighten up your day?

I Wanna Be A Supermodel

October 28, 2011
8pm
Mall of Asia

A strange man approached Raft3r.

Strange man: "Excuse me. Would you like to do a VTR?"

Raft3r: "Huh?"

He handed me his card.

Strange man: "You got potential."

I smiled politely.

Strange man: "But you need to lose some weight and start working out."

I returned his biz card and walked away.

No one disrespects Raft3r and gets away with it.

Cater 2 U

I dunno anyone who goes to a buffet just for the salad.

Do you?

Still

It's been over 14 years since I've taken the LRT (Light Rail Transit).

Not much has changed since the last time I've set foot at their EDSA station:

- It is still overcrowded.

- Commuters still shove each other to get ahead.

- Some still have awful body odor.

- Though it is the fastest mode of public transport in the country, the LRT is still miles apart from its Southeast Asian counterparts.

Survivor

Reasons to watch Survivor Philippines:

- the scenic San Vicente, Palawan

- real life drama

- one big human experiment

- a better alternative to soap operas

- Ellen Adarna

Reasons not to watch Survivor Philippines:

- Geneva Cruz

- Geneva Cruz

- Geneva Cruz

- Geneva Cruz

- Geneva Cruz

Crazy Bitch

She's back!

Armed with photos showcasing her current medical condition and two (so far) failed attempts to flee the country, GMA is again grabbing headlines.

Being a flight risk and all, the former President's hope of going overseas for medical treatment has now become a national debate.

Like any typical Filipino, parties involved have resorted to name calling. In fact, GMA's camp tagged P-Noy as a spoiled brat.

Gloria's present predicament - by far - has more twists and turns than your usual telenovela.

TRO. Motion for Reconsideration. Arrest warrant.

No one really knows what would happen next.

But one thing is certain.

Although strapped in a wheelchair, Gloria would not take this sitting down.

I Know What You Want

I want to learn how to play the guitar.

I want a new car.

I want all kids to be properly educated.

I want to be reincarnated as a blonde and blue eyed heartthrob.

I want you to leave me alone.

Where Is The Love?

Why are most Pinoys so demonstrative in showing their gratitude towards foreigners but not to their fellow countrymen?

How Stella Got Her Groove Back

A gentleman's advice to women who were wronged by their ex/es:

1. Never think it's all your fault. It never is.

2. Don't turn into a bitch. Man hating won't get you anywhere.

3. Never lose sleep over a heartbreak. We don't.

4. Don't over analyze. When we say "It's not you. It's me," we really mean it.

5. Get out more. The right man or woman would come along shortly.

Party All The Time

Raft3r watched two concerts in one week.

The Black Eyed Peas partied at The Mall of Asia on October 25.

I enjoy pop shows. They come with dazzling lights, numerous costume changes, extravagant stage design.

will.i.am and crew did not disappoint. They sang most of their hits (My Humps, included).

Fergie's ass just won't quit. Raft3r would pay good money just to see her wiggle it.

A stripped down Jason Mraz performed at Smart Araneta on the 30th.

I was surprised to see a huge crowd. Who knew he has a solid fan base in the Philippines.

Oh by the way, Raft3r accidentally caught the live performance of Anne Curtis in Megamall.

Her rendition of the Heart classic Alone was truly hair raising.

I leave it up to you to discern whether the previous statement is a compliment or not.

The Ego Has Landed

On the last day of a long weekend, my nieces and I decided to stay at a hotel near work.

Raft3r: "Let's go!"

Niece 1: "But you have to take a shower first."

Raft3r: "I did."

Niece 2: "Then why are you dressed that way?"

This goes to show how highly people in my family think of me.

Post script: The Deadbeat Club's 500th post has arrived.

Halloween

The scariest film of all time is Titanic.

Danger Zone

Raft3r is now - officially - a commuter.

This means the stress level is twice as high and the urge to hurt or (let alone) kill someone has almost become uncontrollable.

I Don't Want To Live On The Moon

I don't like people who spit in public.

I don't like unruly drivers.

I don't like being told I'm fat.

I don't like bullies.

I don't like receiving mugs as Christmas gifts.

I don't like policemen.

I don't like donuts.

I don't like being tagged in Facebook.

But I do like girls who swallow.

Mr. Brightside

Raft3r has lost his cool.

Scenario 1

Mall of Asia. Shakey's.

Despite being right in front of her, the cashier continued to ignore me for more than 10 minutes.

Sensing my agitation she finally looked at me and said, "Sandali lang, ha. (You should wait.)"

Since she already had my credit card, I snapped it out of her hand and stormed out.

Scenario 2

Mall of Asia. Pizza Hut. Same day.

I ordered food to go.

Waitress took my plastic and asked me to take a seat at the waiting area near the exit.

Since there was an empty table next to her, I asked: "Can I wait here instead?"

Waitress: "That's only for paying customers."

Raft3r: "Bakit hindi ba ako magbabayad! (Am I not a paying customer!)"

I snatched my card from her and walked out.

Waitress ran after me to apologize. I completely ignored her.

Sorry, fellas. No more Mr. Nice Guy.

Politics Of Kissing

Tongue or no tongue?

All That Glitters Isn't Gold

Filipinos' love affair with the overly dramatic is beyond me.

No wonder the latest Anne Curtis starrer is a goldmine at the box office.

Every imaginable cliche is present in this very predictable movie. To wit: catfight, car accident, male butt crack exposure, over the top confrontation with cheating husband, sex on the beach, witty repartee, marital advice from mom.

Like any other merchandise from the Lopez Empire, No Other Woman is nothing else but pure hype.

You're The First, The Last, My Everything

My first crush was Cyndi Lauper.
My last crush was Nina Dobrev.

My first movie date was Beauty and the Beast.
My last movie date was Zombadings 1: Patayin sa Syokot si Remington.

My first CD was janet. by wifey.
My last CD purchase was If Not Now, When? by Incubus.

My first DVD was Risky Business.
My last DVD purchase was Supernatural Season 6.

My first Blu-ray was Alice in Wonderland.
My last Blu-ray purchase was Captain America.

My first gadget was the Sony Walkman.
My last gadget purchase was the MacBook Air.

My first concert was Cyndi Lauper.
My last concert attended was Incubus.

My first travel was in Chicago.
My last travel was in Macau.

My first sexual encounter was at age 12.
My last sexual encounter was - well, I'm not gonna incriminate myself.

The Deadbeat Club's first blog post was As I Am.
The Deadbeat Club's last post will be on January 19, 2013.

Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall

Why are relationships so full of drama? Why can't we just have fun? Why.

I'll Be There For You

Last night's dream was incredible.

I was hanging out at Central Perk with Phoebe and Monica, two of my most favorite Friends' characters.

What made the dream more fun was that I was Joey!

The similarities between Joey and Raft3r are endless. For one, we are both brilliant actors.

How you doin'?

The American

While wading through waist deep flood water brought about by Typhoon Pedring, the American next to me repeatedly kept saying, "Only in the Philippines. Only in the Philippines."

Mr. American, flooding is not entirely unique to the Philippines.

Consider the following:

1. The Great Flood of 1993

2. Johnstown, Pennsylvania

3. Mississippi

4. April 2011

5. Spring flooding.

So the next time you open your ignorant American piehole, get your facts straight.

Afternoon Delight

I recently did reception duty at work.

I attended to an elderly couple.

Elderly man: "What is your name, son?"

Raft3r: "I am Raft3r, sir."

Elderly woman: "Are you married, Raft3r?"

Raft3r: "No, ma'am."

Elderly woman: "Ang gwapo mo kasi. Parang artista. (You're so good looking you could pass for a celebrity.)"

The lovely couple just made my day.

Love Hurts

What is the world coming to?

A 13 year old boy killed his 16 year old gay lover. The shooter later committed suicide.

Apparently, the 13 year old kid is the youngest sugar daddy in history. His folks found several remittance slips issued by their son to the 16 year old.

A husband was shot to death by his wife because of his philandering ways.

Both shooting incidents happened in a mall.

I guess it's true what they say. Love does hurt.

Everything You Want

14 boxes.
29 items.
30 days.

That's 14 boxes filled with 29 blu-ray discs all bought in a span of 30 days.

I blame Amazon and its ridiculously stupid low prices on my beloved objects of desire.

Christmas has arrived early!

You Must Love Me

How desperate can you get?

If I Ain't Got You

How does it feel to have someone who you can't live without?

Down The Drain

You know your co-workers are pigs when you receive an email from the ever friendly Maintenance and Facility Manager with the subject heading - Improper Toilet Use.

Rumor has it that our men's toilet was clogged when someone allegedly shoved two pieces of uneaten fried chicken.

Who in their right mind would do such a thing?

Wasting good food is always a no-no. Oh, and so is serious lack of toilet etiquette.

Blame It On The Rain

My childhood musical hero was Milli Vanilli.

What does that say about me?

Never Again

I have never tasted shawarma.

I never found Bea Alonzo appealing.

I have never played in the snow.

I never liked sushi or any raw food, for that matter.

I never enjoyed drinking coffee or tea.

I never turn down a blind date.

I will never run after an ex.

Post script: This serves as a sequel to Never Say Never.

What's Love Got To Do With It

When does love turn into an obligation?

Moves Like Jagger

I can't dance.

Never mind that YouTube video of Raft3r dancing along to High School Musical.

Zac Efron has every reason to feel threatened.

Despite convincing evidence to the contrary, Raft3r has two left feet. Really.

Post script: This post is intended for every work colleague who would (even dare) ask if I am interested in joining our upcoming Christmas party presentation. N-O!

Break It To Me Gently

How do you politely tell the proud parents that their child looks like a monkey?

Beware! Criminal

The Deadbeat Club has a lurker.

The son of a gun only visits one particular post.

Quite interesting, isn't it?

If you are who I think you are, I want to tell you something.

I miss smashing your face.

Leave me a message. Let's meet up. Soon.

Post script: Pssst. I know where you live.

Crazy For You

My friend in the office and I are obsessed with Kentucky Fried Chicken.

For the past two weeks, all we had for lunch was their lip smackingly good and stroke inducing poultry products.

Although I gave up rice last April and lost a few inches off my waist, my recent food odyssey would guarantee the return of the gut.

Thank you, Colonel Sanders. It was all worth it.

Help Is On The Way

Just how insensitive can Raft3r get?

Continue reading to find out.

A friend called asking for a favor.

Friend: "You interested in donating blood? My officemate's father needs a blood transfusion."

Raft3r: "Can I just ask out your officemate on a date to lessen her worries?"

My friend immediately hung up the phone.

Clueless

When a man, who you hardly know and is not even your friend, sends you text messages about his whereabouts and even tells you that he is on his way home, what does that mean?

Keep On Walkin'

At least three people have commented on how Raft3r walks.

One said I walk like a penguin.

The other alleged that I limp when I walk.

Third one claimed I walk like Feng Shui's Lotus Feet.

Damn! And I thought I had the perfect catwalk for a male supermodel.

How It Feels

We all make mistakes. We are humans, after all.

If you are a regular reader of The Deadbeat Club, you know (for a fact) that Raft3r continues to live a life of trial and error.

Now, imagine your biggest blunder being aired on national television for everyone's entertainment.

You turn into an instant celebrity. A hate page on Facebook is created in your honor. You become the target of ridicule.

Mistakes are there for a reason.

But I don't think they are made so you can become the butt of all jokes.

Praise You

Instead of idolizing panty-less celebrities, cocaine sniffing socialites, and an ungrateful starlet, our youth should emulate Janela Lelis of Malinao, Albay.

What she did was a selfless act, as opposed to someone who recently resigned due to an impending ouster from the Senate.

This 12 year old girl is incredible. She makes me even prouder to be a Filipino.

Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own

But most of the time you can.

You don't need a partner to be complete.

Friends and lovers are mere accessories in the game of life.

In The Company Of Wolves

Overheard from the recent Incubus' concert:

"Maghuhubad yan. (He's gonna disrobe.)"

"Brandon, take your shirt off!."

"I love you, Brandon!"

These were actual statements made by men.