Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not

Some things others said to Raft3r during the past week:

"Ang payat mo na! (You're no longer a fatso!)"

"You're a big loss to our agency, especially with your great hosting skills during parties."

"Wala ka na namang pera! (You have no money!)"

"Lilipat ka na naman? Para kang turumpo, ah. (You're switching jobs again? You're never satisfied!)"

"I will take care of you."

"Ang laki ng bukol mo! (You have a huge bulge!)"

One More Try

Life is full of second chances.

So if you are given this opportunity, don't waste it.

Make sure you don't screw it up like the first time.

I Don't Need No Doctor

With unhealthy eating habits and unwillingness to exercise, Raft3r is a likely candidate for hypertension, diabetes, and all sorts of ailments.

But recent medical findings rule to the contrary.

I don't have high cholesterol. My blood sugar level is normal. Heart's not enlarged. Lungs are clear. Both my liver and kidneys are in excellent condition.

Raft3r couldn't believe it.

When the doctor declared that everything was fine. I had to ask her to repeat was she said.

Even the doctor was baffled.

Doctor: "So you like everything fried and greasy and don't work out?"

Raft3r: "Yes!"

Doctor: "That's amazing. You are in tiptop shape for someone who has such an unhealthy lifestyle."

To celebrate, I headed straight to KFC.

Let's Get It On

What would you do if your partner refuses to put out?

God Put A Smile Upon Your Face

Sometimes it is so easy to lose faith.

Then (unexpectedly) God shows you the way.

Life is hard. It's even harder when you think that you are all alone in the battle.

But guess what? You're not.

Father And Son

Things I inherited from my father:

1) his temper;

2) his sense of humor;

3) his take no prisoners attitude;

4) his healthy appetite; and

5) his dashing good looks.

Things I did not inherit from my father:

1) his excellent driving skills;

2) his one track mind;

3) his impeccable handwriting;

4) his lack of interest in travel and adventure; and

5) his ability to commit.

No Vacancy

I can finally put my curiosity on Pinoy motels to rest.

Over the weekend, I checked in a local motel somewhere in the South.

It was Raft3r's first time.

Pinoy motels are unique. Consider the following:

1) Each room has a theme. Iron Man, perhaps? Since I'm a cheapskate, I opted for the regular room.

2) Mirrors abound. There were mirrors on both sides of the bed. There was a huge mirror right on top of the bed. I found this concept extremely kinky.

3) Red lights add (more) eroticism to the room.

4) Condoms and lubes on the dresser.

5) Free 24/7 porn on TV.

There was one big problem though.

With all these come ons, Raft3r was all alone.

You Owe Me Nothing In Return

I'm done with you.

Good luck. You'll need it.

Life without me would be one bumpy ride.

I Dreamed A Dream

Because June is the so-called wedding month, I decided to share some of my nuptial plans.

Yes, don't be surprised. It's true. Raft3r's got wedding plans.

I want a beach wedding in Boracay - just in a small chapel with an outdoor reception.

The wedding song will be Have A Little Faith In Me.

Our first dance as a married couple will be the Salsa.

Jack Johnson will play in the after party.

Tables at the reception area will be named after Raft3r's exes.

Janet CDs will be the official wedding souvenir.

See. Even guys think about marriage. But in our minds, we're marrying supermodels.

Somebody That I Used To Know

Of all the girls I have been with, you were the only one I said "I love you" to.

And I meant it.